Back In The Saddle

I dread the winter months.  Not so much because of the cold and snow, but because of the sense of isolation.  Spring and summer offer more room to breathe... throwing the curtains back and opening the window... getting outside... more sunlight.  Being depression prone, it's a tough period to overcome and my line of work only perpetuates that.  Not working from Dec 1 through April 1 isn't as posh and fun as everyone might think, despite my taking some trips here and there.  It's a real mind-fuck for me to stay focused, not feel like a slug and be productive... too much time to think is a recipe for disaster and the beginning of a spiral.  This is the first winter that I haven't been on depression meds and I can honestly say that it went well.  Maybe it was because the winter wasn't as bad weather wise or as cold... maybe my trips broke it up for me... or maybe I'm just at a turning point in my mind, which is a welcome sign for someone who doesn't have much control over what goes on in their head.  Being focused on working out and losing weight, and actually accomplishing that really helped me a great deal.  It was time well-spent and was more valuable than getting a part-time job to stay busy as I sometimes do.  It changed me, forever, I hope.

Tomorrow is the first day of my contract at the Marriott.  It's supposed to be sunny, as it is today, and I will welcome the change and the opportunity to get my hands dirty.  The next several months will be busy for me, getting everything ready, dealing with 75 yards of mulch to spread, planting 600 flowers, etc. as well as several other projects that I have going on, like a few decks to build for friends down at camp.  I'm also looking to take on another big client, which will keep me busy... perhaps my townhouse community (which is still in the works).  My 12-14 hour days will be back and I'm excited, although not at first, considering that it could still snow.  The trick when I'm back in it full-swing will be to not fall into bad old eating habits out of time constraints and making it to the gym to keep up what I've been doing.  I don't think that I'll have a problem.  I really do feel like a different person.