Chinese New Year Resolution

I've always been one to buck the system and not be a trend follower, sometimes out of spite.  I don't like doing what everyone else is doing, which is probably why I'm hooked on Candy Crush now instead of last year when everyone else was caught up in the craze.  And along the same lines, I didn't want to be a cliché or ironic by running back to the gym January 1st, so I waited... until today (which, ironically is Chinese New Year... so that makes me a trend-setter... the first on my block to set a resolution for the year).

We're not stupid... we know what we should and shouldn't eat... and that we shouldn't smoke and that exercise is good for us, but getting your body to follow suit isn't as easy, even with our magnificent auto-response system... throw a piece of popcorn in the air and try to catch it in your mouth... or plow through a bag of chips while watching a movie and you don't even have to look to get it in your fat face.  But sit there and say to yourself  "OK, fat girl... today is the day we're going to do this... get up"... and the response from your body is dismal at best.

Procrastination is our worse enemy.  Here are some tips to end the cycle...

1.  Be Specific:  Set a precise goal.  Instead of 'I'll do that this weekend'... replace that with 'I'll do that Saturday morning at 9 a.m.
2.  Think Long-Term:  Avoid short-term fixes that make you feel good for a few days, only to be back in the same boat again.
3.  Use Willpower Wisely:  We often fail to start because our get-up-and-go had gotten up and went.  Avoid burnout by tackling the dreaded duties first thing.  Hit the gym in the a.m. instead of waiting until after work when you're sure to be tired.
4.  Curb Cop-Outs:  'I work better under pressure' or 'I'll feel like doing that later' will only result in failure and you'll be prone to make mistakes.
5.  Pinpoint Emotions:  The less we identify our emotions, the more we procrastinate.  By being mindful of our feelings, we can better understand what's making us run away from a task- whether it's fear or frustration or boredom.  Negative emotions don't define us, but they can undermine us.

Today, I made it back to the gym after three months of not going.  I could see the sneer of the girl who checked me in at the front desk, judging me in my sauna pants.  But, with being off from landscaping for three and a half months, I have no excuse.  Further, with my back problems, having a strong core is the only way I'm going to make it through the beginning of my season in mid-March when it's heavy in manual labor.  At 195lbs and 21% fat content, I have some work to do in a short amount of time.  I also went to the store and picked up some healthy foods.  No more pop... no more scrumpets... no more pasta or bread... and no more pleasure.  I'm waiting for the gym high to kick in... any minute now, I hope.

The Cyclical Bloom

With the cold weather that has clamped down on us and Valentine's Day right around the corner, I thought it would be a good time to offer some hope not only with the thought of winter being over, but for young love as well.

This is a poem that I wrote a few years ago.  If you read it as it appears, it's about the cycle of a bud turning into a bloom and it's journey, but if you read between the lines, you can see the comparisons made to a new love cycle...

In paragraph one, it talks about winter (a dry spell in your love life) going from a point of coldness and mistrust (a previous bad relationship), letting go of anger and that dead feeling inside to allow yourself to hope for love again, getting back up on the horse.

In paragraph two, it talks about wanting love so much and just when you least expect it, it appears in the unlikeliest of places.  You say 'hi' to someone and from that small interaction, the possibility of a budding relationship is born.

In paragraph three, it talks about some of the problems that you incur in the fledgling beginning... suffocating each other, periods of dry spells and fights and reoccurrences and other's influence on the relationship.

In paragraph four, it talks about the relationship finally reaching it's full potential, feeling the warmth of the love between you and the magical things that happen... and even with the misunderstandings and fighting and hard times, love pushes through, hopefully for forever, but if only for a short time, enjoy all it's splendor and beauty before it dies out and the cycle repeats again.

It's Always Sunny In?

The first snow is always so exciting and beautiful, but now that the magic of the holidays are over, this part of winter becomes a big bucket of suck.  January and February, with not a lot to look forward to, feels longer than all the other months combined.  I have to admit that I am one of the ones that, on the 95 degree August day, blurted out "I can't wait for winter".  Um, be careful what you wish for, that's all I have to say.  Sure, there's Valentine's day this time of year, but if you don't have someone special to cuddle with, it actually brings you down even more.  And don't get me started on Groundhog's day... someone needs to play a game of Whack-a-Mole on that buck-toothed bitch... 6 more weeks of winter, my ass.  Being off from my deck building business for several months until the thaw, I try to get away in the beginning of December and try to take another trip some time later in January to break it up into smaller, more easily-digested bites.  Still, it's always a bitter pill to swallow.  With the wind nipping at your nose, you don't want to leave the house and then cabin fever sets in... and along with it comes the winter blues and SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).

Pittsburgh, as beautiful as it is, only gets an average of 59 days of sun and 103 that are partly-sunny, for a total of 162... which isn't even half the year.  In winter, when the daylight is shorter and nights longer, your body has less exposure to sunlight and loses synchronization with the environment, tricking you into 'sleep mode'.  People afflicted with SAD may sleep an additional 4+ hours a day and fall into a depression.  For me, there's a shut-in effect as well and I feel claustrophobic, which is why I try to get out of the house daily, if only for a little while.  Having a ton of time on my hands at a time of the year when there's not that much to do is dangerous for me, so I try to keep a focus of some sort.  Some years I take on a part-time job or do projects for friends or, like this past year, I joined a great group on Meetup.com that does really fun and different things in my area.  There's a group for whatever interest you may have and, if not, you can start one.  Years ago, I started a kayaking group that now has 900+ members in it, although I don't organize that group any more.

Besides taking medications, which I hate to do, there's also phototherapy.  It's been proven that exposure to a light box (different than just a regular lamp) can reset the body's internal clock and replace the sun's natural light that you'd normally be getting outdoors.  It's also effective on some sleeping and skin disorders as well, since it doesn't contain the sun's damaging UV rays.  My friend, Robin, bought one for me a few years ago and the first time that I used it (for only 15 minutes), I felt a clearer, more alert feeling instantly... almost like a euphoric high.  It definitely changed my mood.  Its easy to have on while you are reading or watching TV and definitely uplifts you.

I'm not heading to Florida any time soon, and although it's been slightly colder down there, it would be great to put some shorts and flip-flops on and see things that are green again.  Instead, this year, I have altered my eating habits and started exercising, which should help lighten my mood and get me through until my season starts in March.  I'm sure that by July, I'll be wishing for winter again... and the cycle repeats.  Wait... is it Groundhog's Day?

Guns Are Flowing Like Water

There are roughly just as many guns in the United States as there are people, hovering around an estimated 310 million.  Considering how simple it is to obtain one... with the hardest question during the process being "cash or credit?", those are some scary statistics.  Despite your reasoning for having a gun, it seems that Americans agree on one thing... stay out of my gun cabinet.  And while the 2nd Amendment protects your 'right to bear arms', it's wildly debated as to what it actually means.  There were huge profits from gun sales when the NRA created the "Obama is coming for your guns" campaign... just another smoke and mirrors game in the face of corporate greed.  Meanwhile, he's not coming for your guns, but something does have to be done.

Personally, I have always been against guns.   I have a fear of just being around them like they will spontaneously go off at any moment.  Oddly, I view it as being weak in having one in that all logic and compromise is out the window.  I feel like the only reason to have one is to start trouble, but it seems like people have them for different purposes... mostly for hunting and protection.  To me, we are well past the era where we have to hunt for food, although I realize that there is overpopulation in some animal species and hunting is used to control... so I guess if you use the meat, it's a different story.  Once I saw Bambi, I knew it wasn't for me... and I have never been hunting in my life, unless you consider the bacon case at the local Walmart to be 'the great outdoors' (although it can get wild in there).  Calling hunting a 'sport' is kind of silly since it's not a fair playing field... I'd like to see how many people would go if the animals were armed.  And don't get me started on tree stands... at the very least, hunting is some form of exercise, but not when your fat ass is perched in a tree just waiting for something to walk by.  Where's the skill in that?

Protection, I would imagine, is the most popular reason for owning a gun.  Granted, things are not the same as they were when the amendment was written in 1791, but with growing violence, I guess people feel safer in having one, but I often wonder who they are protecting themselves against.  There's a large majority that think that it will be the government that they will have to go up against, of which, I have to laugh at that theory.  Not that it hasn't happened... or couldn't happen, but the likelihood of a successful outcome for the people's side against the most powerful government in the world is dismal, to say the least.  And it's ironic that gun-nuts are the one that support the defense budget the most in how they vote.  That "'Merica, fuk yea" attitude they back may very well, in the scenario in their minds, may be the thing that works against them in 'the end'.

Self defense against each other must be the main drive in owning a gun... and I guess that's where I have most of my problem with guns.  Paranoia is never a good thing and people who stockpile guns tend to be just that.  I have been fortunate in my 46 years to never get into an altercation with another person that led to physical violence of any sort and, with my strong opinions and big mouth, I should get that peace prize they are always handing out.  I have never raised my hand to strike someone and never needed to, not that I don't want to give a good bitch slap to so many well-deserved people.  But I think that if you are carrying a gun and you're paranoid about trouble, you're going to find it.  A story popped up in the news today about a retired police officer who shot a man dead in a theater for texting during the previews.  And while that is very irritating, does it warrant having your life ended?  Um, I think the answer is no.  So here's a guy that should know better who gets pushed to a not so high level of anxiety pulling a gun out and ending a person's life.  My argument is that if he didn't have it on him, the dead guy would still be annoying, but not dead, proving that having a gun on you can lead to an undesired outcome.   It seems like people who have/carry guns are looking for reasons to shoot them... it's in the papers every day.  Killings are elevated with the presence of guns.  When any idiot can easily get a gun without any kind of mental health or skills test, even if you have a gun, it's not going to protect you unless you are able to understand the liability of having it and that not using it is probably your best defense.  Nobody wins in a shoot-out, least of all, innocent bystanders.

We are a nation of people that are afraid of our own shadows.  Our overly-hygienic tendencies have made us more susceptible to viruses... the slightest threat of snow throws us into a frenzied trip to the store to compile enough milk, bread and toilet paper to last weeks when we are plowed out in a day or so.  And we have voted to build up an arsenal of defense against the rest of the world that makes us a huge bully... and we can't stop sticking our nose in everyone's business to the point that we are so disliked, causing a catch-22 situation in that we will soon need that stockpile to defend ourselves, when it is ourselves that we need protected against. 

Hollywood has done it's part to make us a paranoid nation with so many end-of-days and apocalyptic doomsday movies.  It gives us a view into what would happen in a disaster and how we'd react and I have to admit, it scares the hell out of me.  It doesn't take much for people to panic and if a sale on slippers on Black Friday at Walmart is any indication of what we are capable of, it's not looking good.  This week in West Virginia, a coal treatment plant leaked chemicals into the nearby river that rendered the drinking water to some 300,000 people useless.  Bottled water had to be trucked in and the National Guard was called in to protect the supply.  This transpired all in a matter of days.  If this were a larger city, or a portion of the country... riots would have broken out.  Water will be the currency in the end of days, especially if we keep mistreating our resources in situations like this and fracking, which is the next ticking time bomb.  Situations like these are a real wake up call.  Evian (the bottled water company), coincidentally spells 'naïve' backwards... which is what we are as a country.

Last week, as against guns as I am, I went looking at handguns.  I went into a local store and was amazed at the selection and how cheap they were.  I felt like a criminal just being in there, like I was dirty and up to no good.  So, I was behind two young Asian guys, one of which was buying the gun and he didn't even speak English, having to have the other one translate for him.  He was in and out in 20 minutes between choosing one, the clerk running his drivers license and ringing it up.  That is a scary situation.  Imagine coming up against this person who you can't reason with in a common language and you're looking down the barrel of his gun... it could only end poorly.  But, with my Dad living with me, I refuse to be a sitting duck if it ever came down to a situation in my home or in the world.  I didn't buy any as of yet because I have a lot of thinking to do about it and coming to grips with the person that I have become (in the sense that I am entertaining the idea of gun ownership).  I'm not particularly proud being a product of my surroundings and I have to sort through my own fears.  I can't tell if I am better off on the side of crazy or able to protect myself against it.  Having one may become a necessary evil sooner or later and I'd like to be smart about doing something that dumb sooner, rather than (too) later.

Spooning Leads to Forking

I can't think of a better time for National Cuddle Up Day to occur than currently when most of the country is in a deep freeze.  Although it's origins are unknown, it is usually celebrated on January 6th... coincidentally, the day when we spiraled into a polar vortex drop which, essentially, is a big friggin' cold cyclone that occurs near the poles.  It is effected by the air stream and, eventually, cold air 'drops' (pockets of extreme cold that creep into areas that usually don't experience such extremes) occur, which is what we are experiencing now.  Many factors affect it's intensity, and there are links to climate change, causing extreme temperatures.  With our atmosphere being a delicate balance, various things can throw it off our normal patterns and, although it is called 'global warming', it can cause extreme cold situations or violent weather.  The polar vortex can also deplete the ozone layer, which is not good.  Slightly more sun or a rise in temperature can cause the oceans to rise and the coastline that we know now could be completely wiped out.  If that doesn't make you want to hug someone out of sheer fear, it should.  I'm not sure what it's going to take for people to realize this is a real thing.

Hugs, cuddling, hand-holding and kissing all build towards a long and loving relationship.  According to studies, our levels of oxytocin (the love hormone) increase when we make physical contact with someone we love, which deepens the bond and triggers dopamine, which literally gets us 'addicted' to the one we love.  It also shows that physical support is tied to our emotional well-being, which is why when you're troubled and someone gives you a big hug, you feel much better.

In full-on love, we go through several stages of chemical release in our brain.  It is said that we know if we like someone within 90 seconds to 4 minutes, based mainly on body language, followed by tone and speed of voice and, surprisingly, it is only a small percentage of what they actually say to you... so there's hope for you yet if you use a corny opening line.  The stages of love are:

Stage 1:  LUST  The first stage of love is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen.

Stage 2:  ATTRACTION  In the stage where you are truly love-struck and can't concentrate on anything else, scientists believe that the chemicals involved are adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin;

   Adrenaline:  Initially meeting someone, your stress response is activated.  You get nervous and you start to sweat, your mouth is dry and your heart races.

   Dopamine:  This chemical stimulates 'desire and reward', triggering and intense rush of pleasure, much the same that cocaine does to the brain.  This results in more energy, less need for food and sleep and gives you focused attention, hinging on every word the other person says.

   Serotonin:  One of love's most important chemicals that may explain why when you’re falling in love, your new lover keeps popping into your thoughts.  Studies have show that serotonin levels in new lovers are the same as those in persons with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.  We think differently about our partner, idealizing their virtues and dismissing their flaws and believing that this love is stronger than all others.

Stage 3:  ATTACHMENT  Scientists think there might be two major hormones involved in this feeling of attachment; oxytocin and vasopressin. 

   Oxytocin (the cuddle hormone):  Released by men and women during orgasm, it deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.  

   Vasopressin:  Also released after sex, it works with your kidneys to control thirst, but it has been shown that it also correlates with strengthening bond and devotion as well as the need to protect.

Spooning, a term given to cuddling where you and the other person are lying on your same sides, one in back of the other in an embrace, is one of my favorite things.  There's nothing better than when you fit perfectly with someone else and you can lie there for hours under the covers, nice and warm, trying not to fall asleep so you don't miss out on the incredible things you are feeling.  If you're on a spooning dry-spell, then try to get as many hugs as you can... either are the best feeling in the world.  All it takes is a hug... you never know where it will go from there.  Create your own climate change... under the covers.