It's Nano Your Business What I'm Listening To

It's been a great day today... nothing and everything happened today...  I think that's why it's been so good.  Mike and I ate breakfast and had a good workout, then headed to the pool and beach for another beautiful day in paradise.  To just lie there with the warmth of the breeze and the sun eveloping your body, listening to music... taking in the smell of the ocean...  It's a great day to be alive.

The Journey

It runs so deep, the uncharted waters we are embarking... mysterious and intriguing... who knows what's out there, already in the hands of fate, or so it seems?  Aren't we already with a foot in the water?

Never will we know until we board the frigate's deck, having faith that it's strength and construction will get us to where we need to be safely, withstanding rough seas and storm... trusting our navigation... accepting the risks and having the belief in our ability to overcome .

Standing on the shore, gazing out, is not my place in life... it's not where I want to be.  I want to sail with the wind behind me, supporting my quest... fueling my desire to seek my bounty, for that's the only way it can be reached. 

Hola, Amigos!

I wanted to first thank everyone for their overwhelming support on the last posting.  If there's one thing that is universal, it's love.  And while I'm not quite to the point of 'being in', I have shut myself off so much over the last couple of years that allowing myself to feel anything for anyone is amazing enough, albeit such a special guy, with or without it's hardships, current or future.  We have decided to give it a week while I'm away to really think about it.  It never fails that I always meet someone right before I leave for a trip and I'm heart-sick the whole time.  A 7 hour time difference doesn't help.

I must say that this was the easiest trip I've every taken, as far as logisitics goes.  I was from my front door, picked up, parked, shuttled, checked in, through security and at the gate in an hour... and a half hour of that was transportation time.  We breezed through security (sadly, no free groping from security) and had two hours before our flight.  It was a little more crazier when we landed, but we got all settled in quickly and what can I say... it's absolutely gorgeous here. 

The ocean water is so turquoise and clear... the grounds are immaculate... our room is modern, clean and nice... it truly is paradise.  I thought I'd have more problems with the internet, since it was explained to me that it's $20.00 for a 24 hour connection, but it turned out that it's a 24 hour bank of time, so I have 4 hours per day of access... not that I want to be inside using the computer when it's so beautiful outside.  Eating has proven to be a little difficult as well... even at McDonalds across the street, it's hard to just get a chicken sandwich... between communication, money conversion and trying to get salsa and jalepeno's off what seems to be everything that they cook here, it's been a little challenging.  We have a convenience store across the street as well, so we've been able to get things cheaper than in the hotel.

Last night, we ate lightly and hung out in the lounge/lobby area and met 9 women from Ohio, and quickly became the token gays, since this is obviously straight-boy heaven.  The lobby has a 7-story atrium with vines growing down from the top floor and a restaurant at the bottom... it's gorgeous.  We opted not to get the all-inclusive package so that we wouldn't feel like we had to eat and drink so much to get our money's worth.  Everything is so cheap here, and there are plenty of americanized restaurants (TGI Fridays, Bubba Gump) that it doesn't make sense.  Mike and I are both watching what we eat, and so far, we've been doing well.  We went to the fitness gym in the hotel this morning and had a great workout... later, we're going to take a walk.  After that, we hung out at the pool to get a decent base tan and was in the ocean, where the water wasn't as warm as bath water, but was pretty close.

Tonight, we're going to hit their buffet here, which had a great selection of healthy foods and head more into the commercial area to shop around a bit.  Since neither of us are of the spring break mentality, hitting the clubs isn't high on our priority list.

I'm sitting in the lobby, overlooking the pool and the ocean.... it's sunny... and the warm breeze is blowing the palm trees and the air is coming through an open window... I am in paradise.  I'm very thankful for life right now.

(Click on any picture for the big version, click again for magnified)

Love Overflowing

I don't normally talk about my love interests on here out of respect for the other person, mainly... but also because it seems like the minute I do, it all falls apart.  Rarely does someone come a long that is that special, as well. 

I've been overflowing with emotion and feeling in the last couple of weeks (as evidenced by some of my posts)because I have met such a person... someone that has had much life experience... who I have a lot in common with... who is caring and sweet and sensual and compassionate... who is accomplished and smart and well-versed... not to mention sexy and beautiful.  Sadly, he lives 6000 miles away.

A few year back, he met someone online, fell in love and moved for that person, which made me hopeful.  Love knows no boundaries or limits or distance, but when you have those factor into the equation, it makes the possible seem anything but.  A 6 hour time difference and continents away across oceans makes it very difficult to communicate, and yet... the whole connection, without being present, is completely through a long-distance connection.  The question is, can you fall in love with someone you've never met if communication and things in common are present?  For me, that's always been my connection with people... through the heart and mind before the eye or skin. 

I am deeply saddened that we had to take a step back, feeling like we were setting ourselves up for heart break.  Heart break or heart ache... what's the difference except the time of it's possibility of happening?

Ich werde immer warten hier sein, du bist etwas Besonderes für mich, dass.

Disconnection

I've always been a last minute packer since I hate to need something that's already in the suitcase.  I have a tendency to pack much more than I need by doing this though, throwing a bunch of things in that I'll probably never wear.  I've gotten better.

It's a good thing that I didn't have much left to do today, because other than going to the gym... I spent the rest of the day on family 'emergencies'...

- At 8 a.m, my Aunt called me frantically because she couldn't get channel 2, 4 or 53 on the TV.  Since it was me that convinced her to get cable rather than fishing through the airwaves with a freebie box, capturing 3 or 4 channels, she now has 49 channels... which is about 45 more than she can handle.  After calming her down, I had to explain that with her TV, she had to enter '02' for channel 2, instead of just '2'.. and that local channel 53 was actually channel 9, if she bothered to consult the channel listing I left with her.  Crisis averted... problem solved.

- My brother started with his shit again trying to get money off my Dad so, having had enough, I changed his cell phone number and the home number, so no more calls from my brother until my Dad stupidly gives my brother the number like he did last time.  Crisis averted.  Problem solved.

- My Dad is going to the casino in the morning with my Uncle and needed money... so since I control his ATM account and only leave him $20 at a time so he won't give it to my brother, I had to add more money.  At dinner, he calls me frantically at the ATM machine saying that it wasn't working.  After about 4 seconds, I realized that he was trying to take $50 out of a machine that dispenses $20 bills, and I was obviously speaking Greek when I tried to explain to him that he needed to take out $40 or $60 and why.  Crisis averted.  Problem solved.

Tonight, I had an awesome dinner at the restaurant that I love, Pure and Simple.  I wrote a review on a Urban Spoon and I sent one directly to the owner, saying how much I loved the place and the food.  When I walked in tonight, the adorable waiter that I am in lust with blurted out my name and it took me off guard.  Apparently they all read my reviews and put two and two together and figured it was me.  What embarrassed me was that I said in my review that the "handsome, attentive and polite waiter".... so he obviously knows I am a 'mo.  This could be good or bad... he was awfully friendly to me and gave me a free dessert.  I have Robin working on him... so hopefully by the time I get back, we'll move in together and share a toothbrush.  Go, Robin, Go!!

Because of the phone and text rates while out of the country, I am shutting my phone off entirely once I leave the ground en route to Mexico.  And while that's a scary prospect, I'm looking forward to little communication, especially from my family.  I'm only accessible through comments on my blog, Facebook and email while I'm down there, and none of them have access to any of that.  I'm exhausted already... I have to be up at 5 a.m. to catch a 9 a.m. flight.  I hope I at least get violated in the security line.  Can a sister get a break?

Summer Wind

Mid-eighties, sunny... not a cloud in the sky.  Trees blowing from a slight, warm breeze.  Laughter from children in the distance... and birds singing... I miss summer.  I used to take my sleeping bag and lay it out on the grass in the park and sprawl out, reading a book or doing my puzzles... taking in some of the sun's rays and maybe a quick nap with my headphones on or walking through the grass barefoot.  I miss summer and it's warm embrace.  It's been a cold, wet winter... it's time.

I leave for Cancun tomorrow morning.  It will be good to clear my head and smell the ocean... I'm looking forward to going back.  I always related to the hard-working Mexican people and their way of life, not easy, and their heritage, rich in history.  I've been there three other times in the past and it always is a phenomenal time.  White, sandy beaches, water as clear and warm as bath, the smell of tropical flowers and the sounds of steel drum bands... there's nothing like it. 

Cyber Stalking

What a different world we live in when:
waiting for the phone to ring
...staring out the window
......standing by the mailbox
.........peering over your garden wall
............passing by your favorite hangout

is replaced with:
listening for a text
...staring at the screen
......checking my inbox
.........perusing your FB wall
............stopping by your blog

looking for signs of life or chance to chat.

The silence is maddening

Day 45

I’ve hit a plateau in my fitness program, not by some physical limitation or loss stop, but just mostly because of my travels last week. I’m still at the same weight loss, holding at 180lbs, but considering that my fat percentage went down to 18.1% (down from the last 18.6%), I’m obviously replacing it with muscle. I worked out last Wednesday, and again on Friday when I was out in Philly, and finally again yesterday and today.  I was able to walk around the lake twice while out there, at 3.5 miles, and various other walking in NYC. And other than the two pieces of pizza and way more alcoholic drinks than I care to (or do) remember, my eating hasn’t been that out of whack. Fortunately, with leaving for my week-long trip to Cancun on Saturday, my friend Mike that’s going with me is doing the same thing, so we’ll support each other. Vacations can be brutal to your routine, and it’s funny that it only took 5 days being away for me to almost be derailed. The results aren’t as dramatic as I’d hoped, but you can definitely see a difference in my stomach and sides. I should have taken side profile pics, because that’s where you can really see a difference… no more baby bear belly.  What you also can't see is the re-emergence of back muscles and obliques where there once was anything but.  I'm not done... just getting started.

Time, willpower and support seemed to be the keys to my success. If I didn’t have the time to devote to working out and eating, along with the gumption to get off my fat ass and do it, I wouldn’t have had any success. Support seems to be a big factor, but since I don’t hang around with anyone who eats horrendously… and I don’t have a partner that I live with, that wasn’t really my problem. I can remember my ex, Greg, when he was dieting and I would bring him ice cream and sweets to show my affection… if I were him, now on the other side of the equation, I would have slugged me for stepping through the doorway with that crap.

I appreciate everyone’s comments and support throughout, and many of you said that you were inspired to start a program of your own… please let me know how that’s going for you.

Discombobulated

For some reason, my computer decided to shut down, something I've been on the verge of for a few days now.  I tried rebooting it three times and it just sat there all afternoon doing nothing... again, pretty much what I did.  And after being away for 5 days and feeling disconnected, that's pretty much what my phone and computer was like while I was away.  How has my life become a mirror of my computer's?  Why am I talking like my computer has a life and is real... and is it possible that I'm jealous that my computer has a bigger hard drive?

After the weather took a turn for the worse and our 1-3 inches turned into over 7, I got up this morning and had to quickly shovel myself out for a dentist appointment to get my bridge rebuilt.  After 7 shots of Novocain, a lot of drilling and pounding and two hours of my life that I'll never get back, I was reduced to tears in the parking lot for probably the worst pain I have ever endured in my life.  I was sweating, exhausted from squeezing my thumb to divert the pain and had a massive headache, not to mention numbness on my right side of my head and blurred vision.  It took every ounce of strength to get myself home, take a shower and go to bed.  And that's where I stayed all day long, sleeping most the day away.

Tomorrow, I have to go sit with my Aunt until the cable guy comes to install her cable, followed by trying to teach her how to use the remote.  My windshield in the truck cracked, so I have to have that looked at... get a haircut and drop off my Dad's taxes because the old guy that he went to didn't do them right.  I just can't get back into the swing of things, but I'm hoping that tomorrow is better.  It doesn't feel like anything is clicking, although I was able to churn out a recap of the trip and get a poem posted and out of my head.  I leave again on Saturday.  The world is spinning and I want to get off. 

An Original Poem, For He Who Knows

Home, Sweet Demented, Home

I've felt displaced over the last 5 days.  I haven't had consistent phone or internet service or an hour to myself, so I'm way out of touch with the world and the people and blogs in my life.  As much as I don't think I'm necessarily a creature of habit, I do have my life set up where it works, somehow tragically, and I don't like it when I'm out of my comfort zone for accomplishing things and having things at arm's reach when I need it.  There's something about things working and being easy that I tend to like, considering through my own efforts, I tend to make things harder for myself.

I sometimes feel like I should have moved to New York City when I was younger... it seems to be a recurring regret for me... until I go to NYC.  I don't think it's for me... the people are extremely rude... it's very dirty (I constantly feel like I have to wash my hands, especially after being in the subway)... it always seems like you're moving and never stop... and it's just difficult to get around.  I like to hop into my truck and just get there in the straightest path possible.  Everything there is overpriced (the same burger at TGIF at home ($8.99) was $18.99), but I will say, I absolutely love how NYC is required to put calorie counts on all it's menus.  That really helped me figure out what was best to eat.  Sadly, I still ate two pieces of pizza while there out of necessity (cost and ease), and felt so guilty about it... that and the 20 drinks (Vodka and Diet Coke) that I had over the last 5 days at various bars.  So much for my skinny and sweet figure.  And while I only made it to the gym once the whole time I was gone, I did do about 12 miles of walking, at least.

With half of the city under a bedbug advisory, we were fortunate to have picked a brand-new hotel called The World Trade Hotel.  It was one of those fancy micro-hotels, where everything is modern, but small (except the price ($139, which isn't really that bad for NYC (Eddie's friend got us a huge discount)).  The hotel overlooks Ground Zero and as you look out, you can see them rebuilding the whole area, which is huge.  After we checked in and dropped our bags off, we went up to Time Square to get ready to see our show.

Avenue Q was absolutely hilarious.  Picture Sesame Street, but politically incorrect.  The show featured large puppets, held by actors who mouthed the words and sang, but the puppet they were carrying said and did the same thing.  The characters talk about how growing up with Sesame Street and PBS, their parents assured them that they were 'special' and could accomplish anything... and when they grow up, they realize that's not how the world works.  Some of the topics satirically touched on are pornography, homosexuality, racism and schaudenfreude (German for getting pleasure off the misfortune of others).  One of the characters is actually a portrayal of Gary Coleman (by an actor) (of Different Strokes fame) who went through his own misfortune with going broke after parents stole all of his money.  Who better to show how being 'special' as a child doesn't equate to that in adulthood.  With songs such as "It sucks to be me", "If you were gay", "The internet is for porn", "Everyone's a little bit racist" and "I'm not wearing underwear today", you can see how it was hilarious.

After a car ride to the station, a long train ride up, about 10 subway rides while there, a long train ride home and a car ride back to Philly, I was done being in any transportation, let alone public.  I did some running around and then had to be back to Eddie's for a formal dinner that he and his roommate, John, put on in my honor, inviting a lot of my old friends and people I haven't seen in 10+ years.  John made homemade pasta with crabs in a red crab gravy that was delicious.  For appetizers, he made a huge cheese and fruit tray and clams royale.  We also had a caesar salad and foccacia bread and sat around the table for hours, sipping wine and talking of the old times.  It was so nice seeing everyone and it was the kind of group that, even after a long time not seeing them, things didn't change (see more pics below).  I really miss these guys... my friendship with them is so much different than my friends in Pittsburgh.

The weather has been so screwy lately.  On friday, it was 70 degrees.  On Saturday, it was 40 degrees with 40 mph winds, which made being in NYC brutal.  Today, I left Philly early to get home before the predicted storm hit.  I made it door-to-door in 5 hours, experiencing a little bit of rain and some dense (20 ft visibility) fog before I made it home, only to pull in the driveway and (I swear) have it start to ice.  Before you knew it, it started snowing and before long, everything was covered 20 minutes after I walked in the door.  I couldn't have timed that any better.  I can't imagine how that ride would have been if I got stuck in that.  It's good to be back home.  I want to think that my Dad missed me, but it's not like he came running to the door like a puppy.  The house was still standing, so I'm happy about that.  It's the little things.

(From Left to Right:  John, Brian, Al (sitting in red), Jack, Scott (sitting in gray), Ken (stooping), his bf Steve (sitting in light gray), Eddie and Me)

Backstory:  John is roommates with Eddie and dated Scott for a bit.  I met Eddie and Scott (my ex) around 1992 while country line dancing and Scott's been with Al forever now.  I know Jack through a former gay employer, who is now friends with these guys.  Ken and I almost dated, and people always got us mixed up on the street... now he's with Steve.  Not pictured but also attended but had to leave were Robert and his bf, Tony... and an old friend of mine, Michael and his bf, Jim.

Like Dog Shit, I'm Everywhere

Over the last couple of days, I've been from Pittsburgh, to Philadelphia, to New York City, to Philadelphia and back to Pittsburgh tomorrow.  I haven't had much internet access or time to blog or read blogs, so I apologize.  I took some pics of where I've been, but haven't been able to download them to my computer yet.  I'm looking forward to getting back to my surroundings.  It's going to be a busy week with a few things and getting ready for the trip on Saturday to Cancun.  I don't know whether I'm coming or going.

Fun in Philly

I made it here in one piece yesterday, but not without narrowly escaping disaster.  Once I drive 4.5 hours and get off the PA turnpike, I have to get onto the Schuylkill (pronounced skew-kill) Expressway, which is nicknamed 'Sure-kill' because of the way it winds dangerously towards Philly along the Schuylkill River.  It's always backed up and there's always accidents.  As I was coming down, a Chevy Suburban (the biggest vehicle you can buy short of a tank) was barrelling down and didn't realize that the traffic stopped and they jerked the wheel to the left (fortunately there wasn't anyone in the two lanes next to them) and spun around twice within 50 feet, on the other side of the median, of me.  I'm sure they shit their pants, I would have.  People are crazy.

Last night, we met up with a bunch of my old friends at a gay social networking event where 100 gays show up at a local restaurant or bar on their off nights and make them a lot of money.  Straight places love the gay dollar, just not so much the gays attached to them.

I found my LA Fitness out here, but the gym was kind of run down and scary.  I did my workout and then Eddie and I walked around the lake outside of his apartment building.  It's 3.5 miles around, so once you get so far, you can't stop.  I thought I'd have a hard time with eating, but I'm doing really well so far.

Tonight, we are going to Woody's, the bar that I came out in.  On Friday's, they have country two-stepping.  That's how I met Eddie and Scott some 20 years ago.  It's very social and it's fun to do the line dances.  Tomorrow, Eddie and I are heading to New York City to see a show (Avenue Q), meet up with some friends and we'll be staying overnight, coming back to his house on Sunday.  Today, it's about 60 now, with the high to be 68 degrees, which is insane for the middle of February.   Tomorrow, back in the 40's.

Philly Bound

It's been kind of a crazy day today.... took my truck to get the front end aligned and an oil change this morning at 7... stopped by the Marriott to check on my 1099 and drop off the contract for this year... stopped at my Aunt's to set up her new TV only to find out that it doesn't work with her freebie digital signal box and I had to convince her to get cable, then order it for her.... did a load or two of laundry... went to the gym for 3 hours (including that frickin' spinning class (my friend's blood pressure monitor indicated he lost 900 calories from the class))... washed my truck and vacuumed it out... changed the windshield wiper blades and filled the fluid... filled up the tank... took my check for the Cancun trip over to my friend... and now finishing up the laundry and quasi-packing for my trip to Philly, leaving around 10 a.m. tomorrow... and will be back on Monday.  We plan to head up to NYC for an show and overnight stay and have a lot packed into the other time.  As long as I get gym time (I never thought I'd be one of those types to worry about hitting the gym) and some blogging/Barnes time, I'm good.  It's supposed to be 60 tomorrow.... and 67 on Friday... but then dipping back into the high 40's the rest of the weekend.  I'm looking forward to getting away, but my mind is on Cancun, leaving next Saturday.  It will be a nice 5 hour drive though tomorrow.

The Pirate Movie

Kristy McNichol and Christopher Atkins
I remember seeing this in the 80's... I didn't know who I was in love with more between the two of them (this was in the period where I didn't know if I liked the titty or the weiner).  Blondes aren't my thing, but you have to admit that he had cheesy blonde curls and dreamy eyes on the beach down pat after doing Blue Lagoon, and he was probably my first image of the fit male and weiner.  Sadly for him, it's more like cocktail frank than kielbasa (as evidenced in the ocean swimming scenes in Blue Lagoon).  I actually had the cassette tape of the soundtrack and listened to it regularly... I could sing either part, depending on who I loved more that day.  Anyone else remember this (the movie, not my singing)?

The Grinch Who Stole Valentine's Day

It came without trinkets, it came without rose... it came without kisses, candy or prose... yes, I survived Valentine's day, unscathed.

Instead of a movie or a nice steak supper, I spent my evening at the gym, which was dead at first, then packed... proving that fit people don't get laid on Valentine's day.  I knew I shouldn't have started to work out.  After 3 hours at the gym (including that frickin' hour-long spin class), I told my friend Dan that I was thankful that I didn't have to go home and pay attention to anyone... because I didn't have the energy to be nice to anyone, let alone touch them.  We hit the buffet at the supermarket, richer for only spending a few bucks instead of a fancy meal for two... and bicep-curled our way, as if holding hands, through what could have been a difficult day.  Pathetic?  Perhaps.  But like shit through a sick goose, it came and went pretty fast and we were left unharmed.

Speaking of a sick goose.... today is my good friend, Scott's birthday and I am meeting him at our casino spot for some wheeling and dealing and a lite steak supper at the buffet.  We haven't been able to do it much with the snow and all, so it will be good to see him, and good for us both to get away for a bit, albeit in a smoke-filled casino with a bunch of blue-hairs in the middle of a work day.  Anything's possible in America.  Please give a shout out to Scott at Scott and Whatnot if you get a chance.  He has become one of the most important people in my life, offering support, understanding and a good kick in the ass, if need be... and I am honored to call him friend, although he's more like the brother that I never had.  The kind that doesn't stick your head in the toilet, offer you two-for-one joints at a reduced cost or cover you with a blanket and beat you about the head and neck with your Winnie the Pooh.

Yesterday, I got tires on my truck and tomorrow I have to get it aligned.  I'm heading out to Philadelphia for 4 days Thursday morning to see my friends before my trip to Cancun next weekend and starting back to work the following week (March 15th).  We're going to head up to New York City to see Wicked and hang out with other friends up there, and with my friends in Philly, so it should be fun.  I've already staked out my LA Fitness out there, so there'll be no rest from working out.  Maybe the Christian Coalition will lay off me since I've changed from the 'gay lifestyle' to the 'healthy lifestyle'.

Rumble, Bumble Then Tumble

I've never been a big fan of Christina Aguilera... (especially since she tore the lead role in Burlesque out of my bosom like a child out of a burning orphanage), but after her performance in said stolen artistic vehicle, she definitely got my attention.  Sadly, though... she's been getting a lot of attention lately, but for the wrong reasons.  First, there was the separation from her husband, who seems to be a good father and decent husband... and it seems like Christina just wanted to be single and party (too much (sorry Jeremy Renner's bed)... and now her child is at stake, since she's looking like an unfit mother.  Secondly, there was her performance at the Super Bowl where she bumbled the words to the National Anthem (Oh say can you see (me drunk?))... and last night, when she almost tumbled off the stage when she tripped over someone else's mic line at the Grammy's, which I'm sure was an accident (wink, wink, drink, drink). 

As I said a few weeks ago, she's starting to unravel and she's turning out to be the new Britney.  I hope that she can pull it together.  I'm glad I'm just a local diva, without all the pressure of a national stage.  Still though, being in the public spotlight and the paparazzi swarming around my house at all hours grows tiresome.  I feel for ya, gurl.

Displays of Affection

After reading my last post and some of the comments generated, I realized that my heart must come off as a bitter, jaded, dried up old piece of shoe leather, which isn't the case.  I have a lot of love for the people in my life, giving just as much to a stranger I just met to someone I have known my whole life.  Since I was 21, I was always in a relationship, most lasting 3 or 4 years.  I always identified myself as a relationship person because I can be selfless when I am with someone, always thinking of them.  It's only been in the last couple of years that I have been able to learn how to be by myself and to love myself, somewhat.  So, as a testament to my ability to love and be loved, I thought I would share a few stories of love shared in some of my past relationships.

When dating my girlfriend in high school, for Christmas, I wanted to give her a ring, so I bought a box of Cracker Jacks, steamed it open, removed the prize and placed the ring in the packet and sealed it up and gave it to her.  She was quite surprised to receive a box of cracker jacks, and I just sat there quietly as she ate down to the prize... the look on her face when she opened it was as priceless as it was dumbfounded.

I was working for SAP back in the late 90's and had to go away to Paris for a business trip.  I was living in Philadelphia at the time and my boyfriend, John, lived in Pittsburgh.  I went on my trip and was gone 4 days... after a long flight back, I was coming down the escalator to get my luggage and, standing at the bottom, was John, open-armed with a dozen white roses.  He flew to Philadelphia to greet me as I came off the plane... one of the most romantic things anyone has ever done for me.  I was awestruck.

My boyfriend, Brian, and I lived together and he was working a lot.  I decided to surprise him one Valentine's day by coming up with a theme.  I had all the lights out and I took tea lights and made a runway down the long hallway to our bedroom leading to the bed where I was perched in nothing but my old Air Force hat on my head, surrounded by white rose petals.  Unfortunately, he switched the light on, asked why I was being so ridiculous and what was for dinner. 

I was dating this guy that I was head-over-heels for and he was leaving to go to see his parents in Atlantic City for a few days, so we had lunch at a cafe in downtown Philly and I walked him to the train and kissed him goodbye.  I then ran to my truck, sped out of the city and headed towards Lindenwold, NJ where I knew that he had to change trains at a certain point.  With a toll bridge, traffic and various side streets in my way, I barely made it in time for his train to pull in, where I met him on the platform to give another kiss.  Needless to say, he was surprised.

When I was dating Jesse, we went on a trip to Myrtle Beach to see my friend Brad.  We were trying to get through some of our issues and had a great car ride down to talk.  I purchased this book called "All About Us", where it asks you certain questions like 'what was the first thing you thought of when you saw your partner for the first time?' and the like.  Those were the best couple of hours I ever spent, getting to know him more.  When we got to the beach, we were at an outlet mall and with one of the issues he was working through being his fear of people abandoning him, I wanted to get him a ring to show my commitment.  So I left the store where he and Brad were shopping, ran to the jewelry store we were just in where he tried a ring on that he liked and I purchased it... and snuck back before they knew I was gone.  Later that night, we were staying by ourselves on Brad's parent's boat docked at the marina outside of their condo, laying in bed... and I placed it on his hand.  He started crying.  This song was playing, totally by accident, but perfect for the occasion.  We were always better when we were by ourselves.

Love, Is The Question

I've spoken about a number of blogs that I've been reading lately and it's nice that the majority of blog owners are in relationships and share quite a bit about their lives together.  I always wonder what it would feel like if I were writing posts about my life with a partner, since so far, I haven't seriously dated anyone in the two years I've been writing this.  I've had the beginnings of a few relationships, but it seems that by the time that I feel good about posting about it, they are over.  This was especially true about the last go-round with Jesse, as my friends would have lynched me at dawn had they known straight off.

I realize that the world has changed and people have too.  I have as well... once the serial relationship person in the past, I have given way to an older version of me that enjoys my solitude and doesn't need much from anyone.  I guess that makes me pathetic, sort of... but I really don't think of it that way.  If someone came along and our worlds meshed, I wouldn't be opposed... but I am much more set in my ways, less willing to compromise as I did in the past and have different priorities.  I don't think there's anything wrong with that.  I've thought of different situations where I might get the bits and pieces that I need, but it's usually not worth all that goes with it.  There's no such thing as no strings attached.  Besides, I get whatever side of the bed that I want every night... I don't have to flush the toilet after someone else doesn't... and I don't have to watch someone else's progrums.

So, on this Valentine's Day eve, I send my best to those who have been lucky enough to find love... enjoy it... you could be sitting here with me making jam, watching reruns of Barney Miller and being referred to as 'crazy cat lady' by the neighborhood kids.

Peeping Tom

I've been expanding my blog list lately... I added Kevin's Rants, From The Left, Just a Guy Talking About Life and One Step at a Time to the list of blogs that I read (See "Other People's Shit I Pay Attention To" for their updates).  There are a few others where I am a voyeur (Homo Eroticus and Bill in Exile)... but there's no link on my page to them (since my relatives would have a fit seeing the images every day).  Even in my YUM section, I try to keep it G-rated... and I crop a lot of perfectly good weiners off the pics.  A virtual circumcision, if you will.

I really enjoy the fact that you can silently peer into someone's life without them knowing... and decide whether you want to get involved.  I wish it worked that way in real life.  I also enjoy getting different points of view and learning new things.. and it's always great to chuckle over something that you come across.  It's strange... with the people's lives that I peer into through a blog window, I sometimes know more about what's going on with them than the real-life people around me.  Oddly, sometimes I get more input and concern from people I've never met.  2011's pen pals... who would have thought.

Disclaimer... This Post Won't Make You Skinny and Sweet

I feel like I should just throw this out there, as I'm sure some people are tired of hearing about it and I'm really not blogging about it to show off or pass myself off as some expert.. I'm blogging about my new lifestyle because, first of all, I'm so freakin' amazed at myself that I have stopped talking about it and actually getting up to do it... and secondly, if it motivates anyone else, than that's all the better.  This is going to sound really batshit crazy, but my motivation for actually getting off my ass and doing it was the MTV show I Used To Be Fat.  Every week, some heavy teen gets a trainer to bust their ass and they lose huge amounts of weight and change their behaviors.  In an hour, we see their history of bad habits, their self-esteem problems, how those around them contribute to their weight problem, their mental and physical challenges with exercising, their weigh-ins and, ultimately, their success.  Who would have thought the network that brings us Skins and Teen Mom would produce a motivational show like this that would call out to my inner fat little schoolgirl?

Having said that (and repeating that I'm no expert), a few people asked me what I've been eating.  At first, I was eating more fattening foods (eggs, cheese, pepperoni, peanuts, meat and chicken, lunchmeat, veggies) to get off the carbs and sugar.  For those that have never experienced the South Beach Diet, the premise is to starve the body of all carbs, starches and sugar for a week, and your cravings will be gone.. and it works, believe you me.  Now, I'm trying to go leaner with better quality meats, more veggies... and I'm taking protein powder, since I'm working out and doing cardio as well.  About a week ago, I was at 19.4% body fat and today... after three spinning classes and a couple of 2 hour workouts and leaner eating... I was at 18.7% today.  I lost a half percentage of body fat in a week. 

Going from my day consisting of 8 cans of diet soda, one stop to McDonald's, probably 1/2 pound of candy, bread, baked goods and a regular latte along with other meals to where I am now... I am proud that I have made a commitment to myself to eat better and exercise and it has made a world of difference.  And while I'm not really hardcore with my food selections (I'll still have a sugar-free mint patty (50 calories) or a tablespoon of coolwhip (25 calories in 2 tablespoons) or still using butter), it's still huge.  I am very fortunate to have this time off work so I am able to do 2-3 hour workouts many times a week. Back to the old grind in a month.

Today's meal, so far:
8 oz skim milk with whey protein powder, 1 raw egg and a banana in a blender (45 grams of protein)
3 oz sirloin with chorizo gravy, carrot souffle, asparagus, broccoli and cauliflower and 6 oz skim milk

It's Nano Your Business What I'm Listening To...

Heard on my iPod Nano (much thanks to Kayleigh)

Finally able to let go... and not look back...

YUM !! (Great Day To Stay In Bed)