One of my favorite movies from the nineties was "Muriel's Wedding". Muriel Heslop (as the name would suggest) was a directionless, slightly overweight girl who dreamed of falling in love and getting married ever since she could remember. She had an album made up of her favorite gown and flowers, etc., where she would thumb through and dream of her own wedding day. After a bunch of drama involving her family, Muriel decides to leave town and reinvent herself, even renaming herself "Mariel", a more 'successful', fun version of herself and, living a life that she can't support, she finds herself in a financial bind. An opportunity to marry a rich, handsome athlete for a monetary arrangement to keep him in the country arises, and she jumps in to plan the fairy-tale wedding that she has always dreamed of; albeit to a guy that she didn't love. Blah blah blah, the wedding was fabulous, but she realized that she had to go home and face the music as Muriel, because she wasn't going to be happy as Mariel until she did.As much as I'd like to be Mariel, I've always been Muriel. I've always wanted to be in a relationship since I was in my early twenties and well-capable of making a committment, as evidenced by my many long-term partnership in the 25 years of my gay career. I don't do single very well or 'playing the field', and in the last couple of years (since my last major relationship 5 years ago), it's been more and more difficult to find someone who wants a relationship, much less knows how to operate in one, much less wants a monogamous one. My string of twenty-somethings proved completely unsuccessful, since they have no clue about any of it.
It's a logical progression for me to meet someone and immediately size them up for relationship potential. Likes, dislikes, geographical proximity, living situation, etc. all go into the process. I don't date more than one person at a time and I don't have a problem keeping my wiener in my pants, so it's easy for me to make a 'committment' to a new person rather easily. After all, how can you get to know someone when you are waiting for someone else to come along... or you're on internet sites trying to hook up... or running out to the bars every night. These are all counter-productive to building a relationship. Knowing what it is that I want and having the ability to communicate it right off the bat scares people no matter how much I pre-warn them that I am serious and monogamous and willing to do what it takes to work towards a common goal... and THAT'S where the problem comes in. Getting someone to even agree that we're both wanting to walk in the same direction is impossible. Even if someone says they want a relationship, most times they don't. The fact that I even bring it up in the first week totally floors people. I don't understand this... and while no one can predict the future or the odds of a union being successful, you have to at least agree that you're going to walk in the same direction... otherwise, what's the point of investing time and money and emotions on someone that doesn't want the same thing? Saying that 'we're men and we're made to not be with one person' or 'relationships never work' are cop-outs... it's a lazy approach to not putting an effort into something that may be difficult at first, but will give rewards in the end.I'm tired of being made to feel like the freak because I respect myself... have morals... and I'm conservative in my relationships. I'm tired of being made to feel like there's something wrong with me because I know what I want... know how to communicate that and do the work to make it happen. I'm a good person... and in this lifestyle, a catch... because I am not like everyone else. That should count for something. In the current climate, it's rarely seen as that.
I may not be a 'Mariel', but Mariels are a dime a dozen. In my eyes, being a 'Muriel' is way better... and I don't need anyone in my life who can't see that as a good thing.
