I've Got Gas.....

With the escalation of excitement for summer, so goes the escalation of gas prices. This is a great site to check who has the cheapest gas in town, what the averages are, and some other handy information. Make sure you're using your Giant Eagle fuel perks or Shop-n-Save perks... and now Giant Eagle gives you money off your food bill for buying their gas.

http://www.pittsburghgasprices.com/

When Will I Learn...

So, who had 'two weeks' in the bet on how long Jesse and I would be together before we broke up again? Well, you won...

I know being with me isn't simple at this point in my life... I'm set in my ways, I have made decisions like moving in with my Dad to take care of him and trying to get his house fixed up and sold... I might as well be my brother's keeper... I started my business and took on massage again at camp... and I'm still trying to get this place set up as well as make a better situation at camp and resolve my old house issues. All responsibilities. All time-consuming. All overwheming.

When Jesse and I reunited this time, I explained all this to him and I guess I expected him to understand. But it was my fault... I should have never expected a twenty-three year old to understand what it is like to take care of a parent... to become a parent to your parent and to your brother... to put everything into a business to make it succeed and feel a sense of accomplishment, something I haven't felt for a few years now, finally getting my self confidence back... to fix up and sell the family house that you grew up in, your Dad worked hard for, your Mother died in and your brother almost squandered away on drugs (oops, he would know about that part)... and working to make a better camp to earn my keep. It was my fault to expect that from my partner... BUT NOT FROM ONE that knew what responsibilities were and had some, had been in several long-term relationships before... worked hard... been places and done things that involve getting off the couch or out of bed... and had concerns other than how many more cigarettes do I have left and will I get my nap in today. The term 'partner' and 'twenty-three year old' do not go together. You can't expect a baby to act like a grown up. To work for something without immediate gratification. To give instead of take. To have any perspective on life when there's been no life lived. To fight for anything when nothing is of any value. To invest in people when there's no investment in yourself. To move forward when life is lived in a void. To expect love when there is no comprehension of it. To make changes to better oneself when there's no sight inward.

Time is one thing that I don't have right now. I am stretched thin. Over-stretched, actually, with no end near. It's unbearable at times. And although I sat for, pretty much, 6 months doing nothing all Winter long where he didn't want anything to do with me when I had all the time in the world, now he can't understand that my hands are tied for the next month or two. After he said some pretty harsh words , I realize that I must have been in love with a monster, because someone that supposedly loved me couldn't be that ugly and inconsiderate. Sadly, I sunk to his level, pulling the worst out of me and I said some things in retaliation... I'm probably angry still from the first time around and, with the replay, I'm still angry. ... generation xyz pdq is clueless and fucked.

Another peg popped out.

All in a Day's Work...

Looks like I am the fresh face for Marriott too... (I hope I don't have to ride in two parades in the same day). I was awarded a $10k renewal job at the Marriott by the airport in Robinson. I'm hoping that this opens the door for me to do the maintenance for them next year, which would be a large chunk of my income alone.

Since my life is a peg board with 4 holes and 7 pegs... when something good happens, something bad usually follows as that peg is knocked out of the hole. And speaking of holes, my asshole brother landed back in jail again. Just when we thought he was doing well, they found some 'contraband' taped under a chair at the half-way house he was staying at... after reviewing the security tapes, all eyes pointed to him. He will be in jail until July now instead of the Renewal Center... and he obviously lost his job. It will never end.

What Were We Thinking?

Oh.... styles... how they come and go... and hopefully go forever. This was a half shirt that I got for my birthday in 9th or so grade... with my name on it, nonetheless. I'm sure that I matched it with my black sweats that were shrunk so tight that you could see my mangina and my manberries... or tids and bits... whatever you want to call them... the tighter the sweats were, the better. I also had yellow ones... is that a banana in your pants or.... oh, nevermind. Incidentally, the girl on the right was my girlfriend at the time and the boy on the left wanted to be my girlfriend. Laurie taught me how to do a three-turn... throw the baton up in the air, spin three times and then catch it... my friend Julie taught me the cheer...'Go Bananas, b.a.n.a.n.a.s....(again with the banana reference)....and nobody knew. People are blind. I blame them both for having a strong influence on my man-loving. (And for Matthew, my friend of 13+ years... who still can't spell my last name... here's a reference point for ya).

Thankfully, She's Pretty

Even so, someone should have shipped her off to South Africa or Iraq, and such.

All About Me Mondays...

So, today is my birthday. Thanks to those of you that remembered and called. I'm legal twice over (21 (x 2)). If you're wondering why there's a cake shaped like a clorox bottle... my friends at the time ordered it like that. I used to be a little more anal-retentive than I am now... like, 'lines vacuumed into the carpets' anal-retentive. Still, there is nothing like cleaning with bleach. The way it burns a layer of skin off your hands and lungs... and makes your eyes water... sounds like the treatment I got from most of my ex-boyfriends. As far as the last picture goes, my friends (Ricky and Matthew) thought it would be funny to super-impose my face onto one of those birthday card with some saggy bitches on the card... notice that my face was the only one that wasn't saggy after the photoshop handywork.

The Deck At Camp...

We made a lot of progress this weekend... we got the railing and spindles up, got all the boards screwed in place and put up the canopy. It's like adding a whole new room and will give us a lot of space to relax and entertain in.

@ Yahoo! Video

Weeds 101

WEEDS:

Many people ask me what they should be doing about weeds. They spray or worse, pull the plant out. Unfortunately, as you can see by the picture above, weeds like Thistle have very long stolons which branch out either downward or horizontally. The problem comes in when you pull them out... it breaks off the stolon and even with an inch left in the ground broken off, it will most surely grow back. This is why you have to spray the weeds... and be patient for the killer to get to the root. In Roundup, there is a special enzyme that inhibits growth of the plant. You need the leaves though, because by spraying it on the leaves, the plant absorbs it. It takes 5 or so days for it to get to the root, so be patient. Tough weeds like Dandelions and Thistle may take two sprayings... and don't do it if it's going to rain... sunny weather is best.

WEEDS:

The best show ever on Showtime. Mary Louise Parker is excellent, as is the whole cast. I love this series!

WEEDS

There are many kinds of Weed... or 'strains' grown that have different affects on the body... or intensities... not that I partake in it. It has been called Whack, Whackatabacky, Whackyweed, Mari Jane, Wake and Bake, Refer, Pot, Sticky Icky to name a few. If I were to prefer a way to smoke it if I did or thought I would or ever thought I would or it crossed my mind or my path... any way, I might prefer a water bong... the smoke (so I hear) is filtered through the water to lessen the burning in your throat and you don't cough as much... purely hearsay

Time to Fly, Little Birdie....

I haven't gotten a chance to watch last night's show, much less tonight's but, during the break, Kris called me and told me he won. And although I suppose this should be a treat for me, I'm afraid that I must kick him to the curb, for many reasons. First, although he made it far on the 3-3-3 theory (3 minutes, 3 days, 3 months, 3 years), it ends at 3 months. He calls his wife too many times a day... it bugs me when we're trying to snuggle. Plus, with that beach scandal and the man-sandwich pictures, it was tough to squelch the rumors at the Garden Party meetings. Secondly, like the mother Robin bird, you can only nurture them so much before you have to push them out of the nest on their own... hopefully they don't hit any branches on the way down or land on their fucking head. I have made him what he is... helped him with his songs, tuned that guitar, told him to not shave his face, suggested he sing 'Heartless', licked.... all the stamps on his replies to fan mail... picked out his outfits for the show... and the list goes on. And as a member of the 'First Wives' club, it's only fitting that I walk away before I see any payback (my therapist says I run from success). The last reason is that I don't want to steal any of the spotlight from him. With all the shows and promotions, etc... how would it be for the paparazzi to follow me instead of him. It's hard enough now for me to go about my daily business. That wouldn't be very nice on my part to allow that to continue. As we all know, self confidence is not his strong-suit. And so I bid him farewell and good luck... think of me when you sell your first million records (by sending me a certified check, money order or secure wire transfer)... common-law is a bitch. No hard feelings... just cold, hard cash.

Picking Dandelions

I was trying to pick some dandelions, like I usually spend the day, and this tree got in the way.

I did a 'I Dream of Jeanie' hands crossed blink and instantly the tree was trimmed and the cut-off branches stacked themselves(about 45 minutes later), then I could get back to my dandelions (momma had a baby, and it's head popped off).

This property is very large... with 15 of these trees on the lot and 50 bushes. While the typical store needs about 7-10 yards of mulch, this one needs 66 yards. That's a dump truck and a half of mulch... that will all need to be shoveled into wheel barrows and moved to the beds to be spread. It will take 4 of us 14 hours to move and spread the mulch... unless I decide to fart out the mulch. Too bad Chi Chi's isn't around any more, I may need an extra spicy enchilada empinada tostada burrito chimichanga to fuel the fire.

I have unofficially officially won the $11,000 bid for the Marriott by the Airport. It will include removing 16 trees and replacing them, along with probably 50 bushes, removing hedge groups and building stacked rock walled planters as well as ground coverage and flowers. That won't start until Mid-June.

Payback's a Bitch...

Guess my dad's truck had had enough. Today at a job, I parked it at the top of a huge hill (a utility easement)... unloaded the load and then went to back up. The wheels started spinning and with no weight in the back... I was actually sliding forward. Now I am slightly over the hill and can't get the truck back out... so my only option is to go all the way down the hill and make a fun for it. Ah, no. After three attempts, I could only get it about a hundred feet from the top. One of the neighbors took his four wheel drive down the hill and came right back up, but not my truck. It was pissed at all the times I overloaded it... three times today actually. So I had to call AAA, buy a membership and wait for the tow truck guy to come, hook a wench to the truck and slowly pull me up the hill. By now, since this happened in Washington County, the neighbor folk live for this kind of shit... and all were gathered around speculating on whose ATV could pull it out and would I look any less silly if I had a mullet like them. So much for getting referrals from the excellent job that I did... now that I'm the town spectacle/idiot. I'm sure this is the most excitement they have seen since Bessy the cow had a calf with two heads.

A (half naked) Day At The Beach...

In case you wanted to see my boyfriend, Kris, with no shirt on...

Mike's Yard and My Ghetto Dump Truck

This is Mike's yard (my landscaping partner). These are 'Forget-me-nots' in the foreground (the light blue ones) with some purple flower in front... absolutely stunning. I'm going to get some of the seed and spread them across the way outside of my townhouse so I have something to look at in the field that we're paying a maintenance fee to maintain, but they're not. Mike has such a talent for flowers... he could drop a flat of flowers (usually cause the bitch is tripping over shit all day long) and they would just arrange themselves beautifully. There's a compliment in there somewhere, I'm sure.




I know I put up a pic of the way I abuse my Dad's truck up here before... but this was so funny... imagine passing me on the highway with the ass-end almost dragging on the ground. You'd probably laugh your ass off and call me ghetto or hick... I would have, were it you. I'm taking donations for a new dump truck... I'm calling it the 'Make a Dump' foundation. We'll take the kind of money that jingles, but we love the kind that folds.

The Best Flowers...

Costco really has the best flowers. I got these for Mother's day for my Godmother... $15... not a wilted or brown leaf nowhere to be found. Makes up for the fact that I'm 4 days late with them...

My BF is in the Final Two

With the couple of weeks of Kris-bashing going on with the judges, I think that Kris was very surprised that he made it. Supposedly, his version of "Heartless" by the no-talent Kanye West was better than Kanye's version (is that really saying much?) and that's what kept him in, as per Simon. There were only a million votes separating him and Adam's tallies, which should keep everyone guessing. Bye bye Danny... you either worked the dead wife routine too much, or not enough, maybe. Still, out of the three, I think Danny has the most chance of making a commercial album that will sell and appeal across the board. Adam's abiguously gay androgeny thingy is too strange... and can Kris really sell records based on his unshaven face? All are talented and well-deserving... they're just no Carrie or Kelly. Still, I'll keep Kris around for another week. Even the parting gifts must be pretty cool if he doesn't win. I could get a new toaster out of it.

Kris Allen: "Heartless"

Want more American Idol videos? Click here.

Limited Parking

So much for my big fat fabulous two car garage. Although, fortunately, I have it to be able to lay my landscaping things out. I don't remember Barbie's Dream Townhouse looking like this... and I am, after all, Kennedy Township Barbie. My Dad has been driving my car mostly... I usually leave everything in the truck and pull it into the other side at night. Ah, the life of a landscape beautification design technician.

He Ain't Heavy.... Well, Yea He Is...

My brother seems to be doing fine. He's working 6 or 7 days a week at his job... they are taking out his child support payments and whatever else he owes and he has been able to save $1,000. He will be moving in with a friend of his... trying to get his license back... and will be getting out of the half-way house soon. I hope that he can stay away from the drugs... he looks good as well, compared to his normal zombie-like, Uncle Fester look. It's such a relief for me... he hasn't come to us for money, has a place to go and is busy working. There's progress.

Greentree BP

Here are some before (on the left) and after (on the right) pics of the job that I just did. It was totally a mess. And although I had a limited budget on plants that I could add... it still came out very clean and neat. This job took me, by myself, about 26 hours to complete, to include moving (by wheelbarrow) about 13,000 lbs of mulch and planting about 40 plants and bushes. You can click on any picture to see a bigger picture.

Happy Mother's Day

My Mom passed away in 1994. She went over to the beauty parlor to get her hair back-combed, came home and was fiddling with it in the mirror in the bathroom. My Dad was in the kitchen talking to her and he said she started saying things that didn't make sense... words all jumbled and all. She then fell on the floor and was taken to the hospital, suffering from a brain aneurysm. I lived in Philly at the time and didn't get to talk to her since she was pretty much brain-dead upon arrival. It's hard when you don't get to say goodbye. She loved to sing and get dressed up. Here, we see her posing like Jacqueline Kennedy or some shit... complete with the dog and the tree like it was 'a night with the first lady' tv special. My Mom was the only one allowed to call me 'Dave'.

I Brake For Landscapers...

I was doing a BP store up in Greentree and had a very nice visit from Matt, with danish and a beverage of my choosing in-hand. It was great to have a friend interested in what I do. It got me to thinking that I should clarify some misconceptions. A few readers have written in to my editorial department with some questions: (assume they all start out 'Dear David, you fantastic landscaper, you...')

Tell me a little bit about mulch:
Mulch is dead everything... sticks, leaves, branches, dirt, stones, plastic... whatever ends up in there... I've found hypodermic needles, matchbox car wheels, milk carton tops... you name it. That is all shredded up and put in a gynormous pile where the composting takes place... a natural chemical breakdown or fermenting of all that crap. When it does this, it produces lots of heat and smells like warm shit. So not only do you have to contend with the sun and humidity, add to it the steaming mulch. What mulch isn't, is a blanket of weed protection... it helps some, but not always. You will always have weed. Once laid, mulch isn't the kids ball room at Ikea or Gymboree, so keep your kids off of it... it's not a giant litter box... nor is it a giant ashtray for your butts. In essence, stay off the mulch always. I hate foot prints on my mulch.

Don't you find red mulch to be sooooo classy?
No, it's trashy and fad-like, just as lava rocks in the 70's, white marble chips in the 80's and river rock in the 90's. This isn't the big island of Hawaii, Sicily or the banks of some river in upper New York state. Stick to brown mulch. Red mulch fades and washes off so quickly... I think they use Hawaiian Punch to color it. Landscapers all laugh at you when you have/want red mulch (while we are all together eating our lunch at the Taco Bell waiting for the truck to take us back over the border, when I am known simply as 'Paco').

Do you like my solar accent lighting?
No, it's trashy and fad-like, just like red mulch. They are always leaning caddy-wampus and half of them don't light up. And when they do light up, it usually makes your house look like a blue light special at K-Mart. It just says you don't know how to hard-wire. Pay someone who does know how.

It must be great to be outdoors in the sun all day long, picking dandelions and laying in the grass...
Ah... that's not exactly what i do every day. Today, I moved 14 yards of mulch which took me about 10 hours... the pile was 5 feet high by 12 feet long by 8 feet wide. Probably loaded 350 wheelbarrows. That's about 13,000 lbs. Since I don't bend over and poop mulch, I do have to order it, it has to be moved from a big, honking pile and, contrary to popular belief, even though it's dead wood, it costs money and I have to pay for it. Don't ask to barter for a gift certificate or something... unless you are going to break your back like I'll have to or give me a vital organ, don't even go there. As far as the sun, even with 75 spf protection, I get burned to a crisp. Although I am mediterranical and have a warm olive hue to my complexion, don't mistake it for what it really is... radioactivity. Bitch can still get cancer. If my arms don't fall off first.

With the craft truck (the truck with the food on it that feeds the Hollywood stars on-set) parked outside the job, you must get to eat all day long?
When I work with Mike, since he never eats, I don't get to either. And when I do eat, from bending over so much, often times I throw up in my mouth a little bit.

You're such a machine... how do keep going?
Lots of pop, coffee, candy and junk food... plus, I feed off my winter fat for energy. Being called 'fat girl' by Mike is a good motivator as well (He verbally abuses me. I have to keep my Union rep on speed dial). All that, and my sheer will power to get the job done and get the fuck out of there.

When you call me, I call you back and you don't answer seconds later... Why?
I don't keep my phone on me. It's usually in the truck. I have tight gloves on and they are covered in mud, as I am... and sweat... drenched in it. I don't break often so I don't check my phone. I may send you a text, but put the phone down and walk away from it for another couple hours. It's very difficult to carry on a conversation while you are raking/pushing a wheelbarrow/picking dandelions. Come see me on the job site (and bring danish).

It must be great to be your own boss?
Yea... I'm my own boss... right after Mother Nature, the mulch delivery schedule and the whims of every housewife who wants red mulch and the ability of their check to clear. Every waking hour is spent feeling guilty that I should be doing some job somewhere. And people don't get that you have other jobs going on. It's sunny, so why aren't you at my house?... (they think).

How nice that you get to work with Mike sometimes...
Lazy bitch is usually picking dandelions, laying in the grass somewhere. We very rarely work in tandem and usually are on opposite sides of the job (on purpose)... bitch gets on my last gay nerve. Other than him bringing his dog on the jobs (and even she has walked off a job or two) , the only other pleasant thing about working with him is when he trips and falls or steps in poop or touches poison ivory... that's pretty funny. That brings a little sunshine to my day.

I have put fresh mulch down again this year and cuddled my plants in it like a fuzzy blanket... why are my plants dying?
Assume that you have put 3 inches of mulch (probably red) down this year, and the same last year and so on and so on... and you're probably one of those that puts plastic down as well. How do you think that it's possible for the plant to absorb any rain water, trying to get it through 9 inches of dead wood? Remove the old before you put down the new... and plastic stops rain from getting into the ground at all, as well as stops the root systems from expanding. The deeper I have to go to find dirt to plant something, the deeper you'll have to go into your wallet.

I have some extra time/will be losing my job/am looking for a hobby/love picking dandelions... I should come work for you...
No offense, but it takes a certain kind of person to keep going through all the sweat, mud, steaming poop-smelling mulch, skin cancer, hail/rain/wind, red mulch and lopsided solar lights... throwing up in your mouth a little bit, and putting up with Mike. I don't know one of my friends who could physically do it and/or/in combination with, let alone have the perseverance to finish the job without quitting beforehand... try Wal-Mart... they're not allowed to call you fat girl, you won't sweat and they have to give you a break (although they may not pay you for it (see pending lawsuit)).

Progress at Camp...

It's not done yet... but we're making progress on the deck at camp. The railings need to go up, some lattice and, of course.... some landscaping... I wonder who will do that?

You Don't Even Know....

I can't say enough about the McDonald's Brownie Melt... you gotta get one!

My BF Sails Through to the Final 3

Kris made it through to the top 3... no one was more surprised than him (as per the look on his face). The judges have been harsh on him the last two shows. Guess it doesn't matter what they say. And just when I was kind of over him and he ran his course... I should hold on to him for another week... don't tell him I was going to cut him loose.

McDonald's Brownie Melts

Just when I was starting to lose some weight working myself to death, McDonald's had to come out with the Brownie Melt. It's something like their Cini-Melts, only made of brownies, hot, dripping with chocolate syrup and a vanilla drizzle on top. Words can't even describe it. But when you are a good boy like me, you deserve a treat every once in a while (daily... until I'm fat again). Problem is, I'm a stress eater... and I eat out of convenience and lack of time. Today, I ate the same thing at McDonald's for lunch and dinner. Fu%k$ng McDonalds! They got $10.62 out of me today.

All About Me Mondays...

These are in order, from left to right... 1st grade through 5th. Besides the haircuts, you can see that my outfits were an experiment in terror as well... except for the last one... I think I really grew into my big head by fifth grade... it would have been around 1977 and I was sporting a very cool orange floral print polyester shirt... and my hair was kind of wild and free. I think we switched from Joe the Barber... the one who put tupperware on our heads and cut what was sticking out. Some interesting things that happened in grade school...

- I remember participating in the very first Earth Day... we cleaned up the grounds of the school and planted some trees in the early seventies. We learned about 'Mecology', which was a combination of me and ecology... the jingle went... "just ad me to ecology... that's Mecology". I still remember that jingle.

- I dislocated my thumb while doing the running broad jump... or maybe I was jumping or running away from a 'broad' (girl)?

- When I was in sixth grade, Happy Days came out and I wanted to be the 'Fonz' so badly... careful what you wish for... if I had a nickel for every time someone told me I look like Henry Winkler, I'd be rich.

- Even though I am kind of 'Sporty Spice' now, I hated intramural days. My friend Carl and I would skip school... when asked if I was going to attend, I said I had a funeral to go to... however, intramural day was over two weeks away. Everyone was highly inquisitive on how I knew the person was going to die in advance and thought I may be a witch, which made me nervous around burning fires for quite a long time afterwards.

- Carl's Mom worked for the school cleaning after hours. We would ride our bikes to see her, then we'd run the halls and go into the rooms and steal things from people's cubby holes... and the stars and stickers from the teacher's desk. Kind of made me complacent when I didn't have to strive to get a good grade to get a star... I had enough of my own stars and stickers, biotches. I think that was the beginning of the end.

Yet Another Long-lost Sibling Pops Up....

I know that my genetic history has been difficult to explain and more is to come next week in the saga, but I just opened the mail today and received a letter and picture from my long-lost sister. She is a troubled and twisted soul, having been left for dead in the bathroom at the Sunoco station on Carson Street when she was only a baby... she was picked up by a band of gypsies and spent most of her childhood as a Carnie... traveling from Carnival sideshow to sideshow... entertaining young and old as the hairy chested psychic, Esmerelda and filling in at the funnel cake stand. After a brief stint on the Psychic Network and the cosmetics counter at Woolworth in Oil City, she now works for Lee Press-on Nails in Raliegh. Here, we see her in her native Gypsy garb, sporting this season's hottest lipstick color, 'Vagabond Hussy Rouge'.