This Year's Scariest Disguise

Tis the season for everything spooky and frightening (and equally as scary, everything coming in pumpkin spice flavor).  Halloween has roots in several stories of folklore.  Some say All Hallows' Eve is a Christianized feast initially influenced by Celtic harvest festivals, with possible pagan roots, particularly the Gaelic Samhain.  It initiates the triduum of Hallowtide, which is the time in the liturgical year dedicated to remembering the dead, including saints (hallows), martyrs, and all the faithful departed believers. It marked the end of the harvest season and the beginning of the 'darker' season of Winter. 

For the many countries observing it, October 31st is celebrated in various different ways and the customs can be traced back to their origins.  It was believed that during this time of year, the presence of fairies and spirits were stronger and they needed to be appeased (to ensure that the people and their livestock would endure the winter), so there were offerings of nuts and apples and bonfires and candles were lit and prayers were said for the souls of the dead to welcome them.  The flame, smoke and ashes are believed to have magical powers of cleansing or mimicked the sun,  helping the "powers of growth" and holding back the decay and darkness of winter. 

In one folklore, ,trick-or-treating, goes back to the 16th century as mumming (or guising) (seasonal folk plays performed by troupes of actors going door-to-door, usually in disguise, reciting plays and songs for food).  In others, it may have come from Gaelic origins with the costumes being a means of imitating, or disguising oneself from the spirits, faces blackened with the ashes from the sacred bonfire, on a night with strong forces of the supernatural among us, believed to be warded off by human wanderers.  Christians date it back to the 15th century with souling (the custom of baking soul cakes for the souls of the dead).  Poor children would go door-to-door collecting these cakes as a means of praying for souls in purgatory.  The souls of the dead were believed to wander the earth seeking vengeance upon their enemies before moving on to the next world until All Saint's Day, so people donned costumes to disguise their identities.

Lighted turnips were traditionally carried by the guisers for lighting their way and to ward off evil spirits.  In North America, turnips were replaced with pumpkins because they were larger and softer to carve.  The jack-o-lantern is explained in this story;

On route home after a night's drinking, Jack encounters the Devil and tricks him into climbing a tree. A quick-thinking Jack etches the sign of the cross into the bark, thus trapping the Devil. Jack strikes a bargain that Satan can never claim his soul. After a life of sin, drink, and mendacity, Jack is refused entry to heaven when he dies. Keeping his promise, the Devil refuses to let Jack into hell and throws a live coal straight from the fires of hell at him. It was a cold night, so Jack places the coal in a hollowed out turnip to stop it from going out, since which time Jack and his lantern have been roaming looking for a place to rest.

In America, trick-or-treating is first seen in the early 1900's, with children dressing up in costumes, going door-to-door, threatening a trick if they don't get a treat.  Over the years, the 'trick' has taken on many forms from a simple toilet-papering (throwing unraveling rolls of toilet paper in trees) to egging (throwing eggs) someone's house to the infamous turd-bagging (filling a paper bag with dog shit and placing it on someone's front porch, then lighting it on fire and ringing the doorbell, so that the homeowner opens the door and has to put out the flaming bag by stomping it with their shoe, thus getting dog shit all over the place).  Other triggers for the dreaded trick would be handing out toothbrushes or apples as treats... or shutting off all your lights and sitting in the dark so as to not have to give out candy... and, in Pittsburgh (home of the Clark Bar), getting the 75th Clark Bar in a row as a treat was sure to frustrate and anger you, since they were so plentiful.  More favorable were the people handing out fifty cent pieces which, considering today's candy prices, really isn't a good deal any more.  But back then, you would travel across town to go to that house, as if it were almost an urban legend. 

The small plastic pumpkin (as a means to put your candy in) was replaced with the decorated pillowcase.  It proved to be much more sturdy, easier to carry and provided more cubic feet to collect your mother-load of goodies, even though (back then) it only came in standard size,  in comparison to today's king... and more highly-coveted, the European king. With the advent of the planned housing community, you were able to cover more ground-per-square-Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, minimizing your travel time in-between houses and maximizing your bounty... but it did increase your having to explain your costume to every old woman who tried to guess who you were before you could pry that chewy Bit-'O-Honey from her dry, cold hand.  At the end of the night, after running what seemed to have been a marathon, you would pour your pillowcase out on the kitchen table and let your Mom check it for razor blades (see 1980's Halloween pandemonium) before you could proceed with your pathway to childhood obesity and diabetes.

Today, after years of stories of the razor blades and child abductions, most of the fun of Halloween is gone.  Barely anyone makes their own costumes any more... and most communities hold their official trick-or-treating in the daylight of the closest Saturday (not even on the 31st)... or, worse, don't allow door-to-door and have replaced it with parades or a gathering at the local fire hall. 

Thanks to the 24/7 news cycle propaganda machine, people are always in a constant state of fear.  The latest scare is Ebola.  For that, there is much terror and fear, upstaging even the most scariest witch and goblin. Considering that more Kim Kardashian marriages have died than Americans from Ebola, I think we need to put things into perspective.  In a one-week period, the chart shows deaths by top contributor.  Here's a scenario you should be more worried about... you are out trick-or-treating after fighting off the flu for 6 days even though you should be in bed... you are finishing off that Big Mac you call 'supper' then you have a cigarette before you get 'serious' about gathering up all that candy to stuff into your face... you jump out of the way of a crazy driver, grasp a pain you are having in your chest (most likely from that Big Mac) and you fall to the ground, hit your head on the curb and die.  All, or any, of those are a more-likely cause of death than Ebola.  If you are seeing the Grim Reaper, guess what... it's not a costume.  You are dead.  But at least it's from one of the leading causes and not from some hyped-up ratings stunt aimed at keeping everyone in fear of everything.  This year's most scariest disguise?  The frightened American.

It's simple... wash your hands, don't lick any saliva puddles you find and don't share your Clark Bar (as if you can find a likely participant for that) and you'll be fine.  Happy Halloween!

Trick or Treat: Getting Your Own Bag of Goodies

Over your lifetime, you evolve;  your body changes... your personality blooms... your talents blossom... your morals and ideals form... you develop a wider variety of interests... your priorities and goals change... and what made you awesome as a kid doesn't necessarily translate to your life as an adult.  I suppose doing a cart-wheel at 60 like you did when you were 9 is a pretty amazing feat, but sitting in the basement being able to get to level 19 on a video game at 42 when you have people relying on you and have responsibilities isn't as cool.  You have to let go of the ways you thought as a child and change with the times and the changing world or you get left behind.  And the necessary parts of this process are being able to reflect on the past, look deeply at yourself and your behaviors, accept responsibility for your actions and, most importantly, do the work to make the changes so that you can grow. The sooner the better.  If you don't act, while everyone around you is evolving into a beautiful butterfly flying above, you will still be the caterpillar inching your way along the ground wondering where everyone went.

When I was younger, I was the Teflon kid... nothing stuck to me and I was always blaming someone else.  When I got into my teens and early twenties and got into relationships, it was always the other person's fault when it went sour, not mine... I was, after all, me.  It wasn't until I got into my mid-to-late thirties that I stopped and thought... hmmm... there's a pattern here... what's the one and only constant?  It was me.  And after some therapy sessions, I started blogging about all my quirks and idiosyncrasies and behaviors, and I was able to trace them back to their origins and figure out how to change them because, while I did hurt other people along the way, they were going to hurt me and always effect my life until I fixed them.  And by no means am I perfect, but I can say that I've done a good deal of the work.  Every day is a new opportunity to learn  about who I really am... with every thought in my head... to every action or reaction... to my beliefs and ideals...  to my likes and dislikes... it's all a journey to leave the bad behaviors of the past... in the past and become a better person.

I wish there was someone along the way who would have explained this to me and told me I was being a block-head, since I feel like I lost a lot throughout the years now looking back.  Maybe I lost a beautiful person I loved... or an opportunity or maybe it was a friend.  And at some point, the people around you have to just throw their hands up in the air and give up on you.  They talk to you until they are blue in the face but they can't help you unless you see the problem and want to help yourself.  If you aren't willing to change, then you have to accept the consequences...you will have no friends and you will be alone... because no one will be able to put up with your bullshit. 

On social media, you see so many people that are on a collision course with stark reality. When I was dating more of the twenty-somethings crowd, I felt compelled to help them avoid what I went through but they didn't want to hear it, just like I didn't at that age.  I have friends who want love so badly but don't love themselves enough to be capable enough to love someone else.... and I have friends who continue to push people away and they never want to accept that it's them, regardless of the cycle they are on, year after year. 

I guess someday... we all have to be sitting in the cold, damp pumpkin patch by ourselves and come to the conclusion on our own that if we don't pick ourselves up and get out of there, we are missing out on all the treats, and we are only tricking ourselves.  

All Souls That Wonder Are Not Lost

I've moved 40 times in my life.  I am on my 7th career path change.  I have no long or short-term goals.  I've reinvented myself so many times like a chameleon that I don't even know what color I currently am.  I am always in a constant state of unrest.  Nothing is ever written in pen.  I have a floating schedule and my life is fairly liquid in that I can change and adapt to any situation at a moment's notice and take off... there's always an exit plan.  My mind never stops.  I'm always guilting myself for not doing more when I finally do stop for five minutes.  It's a constant fight with myself between who I am and what I want.  In true Gemini twin fashion, there's always two sides to my inner conversations.  It's exhausting.  I often wonder 'what if I...', whether it's something in the future that I should do or something in the past that I should have done. Wondering... always wondering... and wandering, in both mind and body.

It used to be fun and exciting... all the whirlwind and wanderlust... but not so much now.  As I get older, I have traded the quest for excitement and adventure for the quest for security and stability, but often question what security even is or means.  To some, it's money... to some a support system of people around you... it varies.  It means different things to different people.

To some, I may seem a hopeless, insecure, tormented soul.  Maybe I am, but fortunately, I have an incredible sense of center.  Not to be confused with being self-centered, I am centered in myself.  I believe in myself... in my judgments and decisions and my abilities.  Security in insecurity is a phrase I coined and have written about in the past.  It's the ability to be secure that whatever comes my way... whatever happens to me... whatever strife, hardship or challenge, that I can overcome it.  I am a realist.  I don't hope for things to go right, I prepare for them to go wrong and I am ready to deal with the fallout.  It doesn't hold me back.  I may not always succeed but it isn't because I didn't take the chance to risk it all.  I am generally in control of my plight.  Right or wrong, I am making the decisions.

You can't help but compare yourself to others and what they've accomplished or have.  But so many people that seemed to have it all/felt secure were so hard-hit by the recession... perhaps they had too much debt or a big house that they couldn't support when they unexpectedly lost their job, living well above their means, maybe.  Or maybe they were pushed out of their industry and didn't have any other marketable skills.  They weren't prepared for the worse to happen and they couldn't adapt.

In earthquake zones, they are experimenting with buildings that are built on a moving foundation, so that when the earth shakes, the building slides or adapts, rather than topples over in the traditional attachment... being 'knocked off it's feet', so to speak.  In these troubled times, our survival in the future depends on not only how we will be able to adapt and react to the changes around us, but how well.  Will you be able to adapt... or will your house of cards topple down? 

Suddenly, I'm not feeling so lost... in comparison.  Perhaps the new 'solid ground' is a flexible one, and that's where I am squarely standing.