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hap⋅py–adjective, -pi⋅er, -pi⋅est.1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.3. apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas. 
David,
ReplyDeleteI have not known you for very long, nor would I claim to know you very well. However, the thing that interests me most about you is your ability to be strikingly honest with yourself. Whatever label you put on your moods or whatever place in the spectrum of optimism/pessimism you choose to place yourself; you have the rare ability to be honest about it. (Strictly my perception of course) The idea of happiness seems to be just that...an idea. A social idea of a magical list of things we need to do or obtain to be "happy". In my eyes happy does not exist. Not that I don't feel happy or that I don't have bouts of happiness, or even that I myself don't fall prey to pursuing it. But life is full of so many obstacles, obstacles that threaten this mythical frame of mind on a constant basis. I don't think life will ever be void of these obstacles, so a constant state of happiness seems unrealistic. It seems to me, the PURSUIT of this happiness is a much more important thing to focus on. Throw away the happy, and you have a kick ass adventure. Some call it life. If you think about it (or the way I thought about it at least), this idea was only created after civilization prospered and people sat on their porches thinking of things to do. I mean, how would a society survive full of people unmotivated to do anything outside the confines of their immediate survival? The pursuit of happiness of course. The opportunity to explore creative bugs, to do things simply for wanting to. To fill their lives with a new purpose, a new means of contributing to the world. And I think somewhere in the mist of all of that, the waters got muddy. The idea of happiness grew unrestrained until it was something outside of our ability to grasp it.
I guess what I'm trying to get at, is I don't think there is any reason why you should feel that you "...should feel differently than you do." Depression, melancholy, cynicism, and every other mood with a negative connotation are just as much a part of us as those with positive ones. And there is no rule book stating how much time should be spent consumed by any one of em. Who cares about the sharp transitions from one mood to the next, it’s a part of who you are, part of what separates you from the stream of people acting only in the way they think most socially appropriate. You have a refreshingly genuine spirit. One that manifests itself in a beautifully unique representation of the human persona. I think part of being your friend is part of accepting that, even..dare I say...appreciating it. Fearing your friend’s rejection/aversion to this part of you might underestimate just how much your friends value the full scope of your personality. I do not think an analytical awareness (or even an “abnormal” means of expression) of your psyche makes you weird, David… I think it breeds wisdom, individuality, and character.
Berry
I'm surprised that anyone read this post... being that it's like a chapter in a book... I feel like I lose people at the start if they see it's too long of a post. But I appreciate that you read it, Berry, and responded with a novel yourself. Beautifully executed and eloquently written, it was very moving for me... and also made me think.
ReplyDeleteMy life, measured in jobs and moves mainly, has been a number of adventures. Constantly reinventing myself and my surroundings has been a way for me to keep moving through life. I am thankful for all that I have experienced in life because it has gotten me this far. With suppressing thoughts of finality being my main task of the day, I need to focus on goals to get me from point to point. It's when my mind isn't occupied that I have the hardest time. Organizing my thoughts in this blog was a huge step for me... organizing my life will have to be the next step... and maintaining my goals going forward will have to be a priority and way of life to keep me going.
Being as honest with myself as I can be has been my only saving grace, since it's been knowing my patterns, and verbalizing them, that has allowed me to adapt and change, especially with feeling that there's someone else in my head calling the shots. Being able to play well with myself seems to be the key.
David - Why would you think people wouldn't read that post? It seems to me that the folks who are following your blog are people that are genuinely interested in YOU and in what you're doing and how you are. Good OR bad. I too think you have an uncanny ability to be, sometimes brutally, honest with yourself. It's a trait I admire in you, as I find myself more trying to put blinders on and just charge forward. Maybe it's the mama bear instinct in me - always trying to do what's right for my family alot of times in lieu of what's right for me. I wish I could be more like you instead of constantly running.....
ReplyDeleteAnd I admire you, Jul, for having the strength somewhere in you to keep charging on. Being honest tends to paralyze me.. you don't have that option with a family.
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