A Passing Smile

Today I went to the viewing of my friend Denise's Dad.  When I walked in the door of the funeral home, all you heard was laughing and people talking... it was one of the most lively services I have ever been to. 

After my Mom passed away in '94, I used to have dreams of my Dad passing away... I'd wake up in such a cold sweat and even now, I don't usually turn my phone off because I am, in the back of my mind, just waiting for the phone call.  Sometimes when I look in on him and he's in his comfy chair in his sitting room across the hall from my bedroom passed out in front of the TV, it doesn't look like he's breathing and I panic... short of getting out a mirror to see if he'll fog it up or not.  Throughout my life, my Dad has never been around physically, with his job and with me living in Philly, but he was always there for the things that I needed him for.... to help me move... to help me with a car problem, etc.  And now, even with me pretty much taking care of him in every way, it will still feel like I'm on my own for the first time when he goes.

I'm not afraid of death.  If I was told I was going to die in a week, I'd feel like I lived a pretty good life and done a bunch of things.  Since I'm an organ donor, I'd like the rest of me to be donated to science... and the scraps to be cremated and spread in the ocean... no need for a coffin, etc... with my beliefs, I'd just be all dressed up with no where to go. 

I'm not one for the pomp and circumstance around dying.  I do, however, get the chills when I see the vehicle procession on the street.  It's awesome how there's so much respect for the person from people that don't even know who it is.  I never really believed in the whole funeral process though... it's grueling for the family to endure (when my Mom passed, to make it through 2 days of 4 viewings and a funeral... all I remember is how much I didn't want anyone around)... you see people that couldn't bother to be around you when you were alive... and rather than celebrating your life, it's a celebration of your death.  I think it's the Jewish people that have a big party... that's the way it should be done.  Besides, there are so many reasons why someone passing could be a good thing; to end their misery if they are sick, to go to their reward (if you believe that) or to join their loved ones in heaven (if you believe that).

Today, by laughing and celebrating the love and laughter that Denise's Dad brought to everyone in his life, you walk away remembering those things... not the devastation and grief... not the sickness and loss... but the gain from having that person, however long or brief, in your life... that's what the focus should be.

(Btw... it's also the first time in about a year and a half that I left the house without a hat on my head)