There's a definite disadvantage to putting your (almost) every thought on a blog. And while other people have random thoughts thoughout their day that may prove them to be flighty, mental, or unstable (to name a few), mine are all out there in real time and I don't have the luxury of hiding my crazy. As a result, what I share over a broad range of people (friends, strangers in Australia, family)... is more than likely going to come back to bite me in the ass in one fashion or another. Add to it my Facebook account (which I just deactivated) where I don't share as much as on here, but try to keep it funny in my remarks.
The other day, I was bitching about how my business is all or nothing and there's no easing into it. On Facebook, I made a comment about weekends... and how from Nov - Feb I don't notice the weekends because I'm not working... but now, I don't know what a weekend is... being that if it's a nice day out, I'm working. I don't get to take Saturdays off because it's Saturday... that means nothing to my world... especially when Camp opens and I'll be doing another 10+ hours a weekend of massages. The point is (and there is one)... I constantly have to justify my work schedule.
Last night, I found out that the line of credit which my Dad co-signed (secured with his house) for my nephew in 2007 was racked up to close to $8000, then not paid for 5 months going into default... and being that it was a National City credit account that was bought out by PNC Bank, and my Dad has an account at PNC, they attached it to my Dad's account and proceeded to take out $620 for payments my nephew didn't make, with an additional $465 coming out in a week. I manage his accounts and I have never seen this loan before. It just popped up and I realized this at 2am. Being exhausted from the last 8 days I was ready for a great night's sleep, but I got so fired up and wanted to go in and beat my Dad senseless since he has gotten himself into so much debt and trouble trying to help out my brother and nephew (co-signing on a government student loan, the govt. sending the whole $24k to my nephew, my nephew dropping out of school a month later not telling anyone and proceeding to blow the money, mostly on 2 DUI lawyer defenses, and now it's in default as well). These occurances with my nephew and brother are nothing new, and these are tame compared to some of the other stuff.
Here's where it comes back to bite me... I was mentioning these things to a friend of mine this morning and I was, curtly, told that I shouldn't bitch about being tired after being off for 4 months... and that I agreed to take care of my Dad, so I have no room to bitch about that either... and while all that may be true and is the stark reality, I had to hang up on him because I just couldn't take another bashing, since it feels like I get it from all sides in a never-ending barrage. Just when I make some progress on getting things done/cleared up/resolved... it's like the dam with 12 holes in it and I only have 10 fingers... and while it's obvious that my Dad, brother and nephew have all their fingers up their own asses, I know they don't have any free fingers to help me stop up the holes. I don't want help as much as just no more cause of a shit storm, which come one after another. It's difficult to sit back and watch my family beat each other up, use each other and treat each other like crap... all the while, I try to keep things in order and get nothing but stress out of it for being the good one and they all have gotten or are getting what they want and not thinking a thing about it... I'm left holding the bag.
The picture is of me with my head on fire and my Dad and brother wondering why.
It's me again..I don't know if you got my other message now since you deactivated facebook. If not, it simply said, I've been there. I'm saying it again...I've seriously been there. Your other "friend" has obviously never been placed in yours or my situation. What should you do, let your own family drown? Of course, you have to help them or live with the guilt which, I believe, and I'm sure you'll agree, is a much worse punishment. We should talk in private about the financial situation as I have been there and was able to handle it (knock on wood). I ask myself everyday (regarding your other family members) if it isn't sometimes better to walk around clueless with no cares in the world allowing people like you and I to clean up the path of destruction they leave. It really seems to work well for these types of people.
ReplyDeletethe hardest thing to do with people you love is not to feel responsible for them....
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