It's amazing what life throws at us and somehow we are able to process it and move through it, sometimes better for it... sometimes scarred or damaged. Growing up with my brother as a negative role model put so much pressure on me to be the good one. I graduated with honors in high school while working two jobs, I moved to a big city and was successful in business without a degree, I stayed away from excessive drinking... never did any drugs (other than a smoke of the whacky tobacky, and I waited until my Mother passed away to do it)... never smoked... and, now, my brother and nephew are going through their messes (45 and 24 years old)... and my Dad at 82... I have become the parent for all of them. I never signed up for it. And with my own internal struggles, I am forced to be the face of reason and responsibility when I wish that I could curl up in a ball sometimes myself... and did, post Vegas, and I'm still guilting myself out for failing, being human and falling apart.
I don't think my situation is any different than anyone elses and I'm not trying to make myself out to have such a hard life (although being gay, adopted, losing a parent and beloved pet, taking care of another parent, and having an addicted brother/nephew has the makings). I'm not a saint nor do I have any super powers... I'm just trodding along like the rest of us. I'm only a man... do I not bleed when I get pricked by a jagger bush? Do I not smell when I step in dog poop? Do I not break into hives when I wear the color brown? Do I not shriek in horror at the sight of a weed? We all have our things. And although my friend spoke the truth yesterday (in rapid-fire procession), his delivery was at a point where I couldn't take any more. A hug would have been better. So I hung up on the bitch. In his defense, he has taken care of an ailing parent, and the reality is, it is what it is. At least mine isn't ailing yet... just a bit whacky.
Again, with no super powers or God complex (cause I'm sure I'll get hate comments for this parody), this song (at the risk of sounding pretentious and full of myself) is one that I can relate to... it almost has the power to make me cry, like someone understands. And so, I dedicate this to all my friends going through their life... trying to fly through the shit storm without coming out a smelly mess on the other side...
Read your blog today, and I want to say. I totally get what you are saying. I would be totally frustrated as well. Not sure who the friend was that said you should be glad you had the winter off, but.... The finance issue would PISS ME OFF.
ReplyDeleteMy mother recently "loaned" some money to a "relative", (actually her second husbands daughter), and was totally taken for a ride. She told me about it at Christmas and was very distraught. I had to hold it together, but was so upset how easily she could be taken advantage of. I just thought the world was perfect, and she would not even be taken advantage of, but.... She was.
Life has a tendency to throw shit at us at all the wrong times. It doesn't seem to matter how together we think ourselves, or how much progress we start making, or how much shit we already have on our plates. Life does that funny little thing when it says " oh you think you're doing good, lets see how you handle this shit..." and then goes about its merry little way as we try to put ourselves back together again. Humpty Dumpty had it easy.
ReplyDeleteI loved the song; thought it more than appropriate. It ain't easy being anyone, and betimes we find ourselves at a place where we just simply wanna bitch about it. When we are pulled in all the wrong directions, stretched entirely too thin, and are just about ready to call it a day; a bitchfest is just what the Dr. ordered. And I think friends should be conscious of this. When that point of overflowing problematic situations threatens to flow over, the last thing one wants to add to the pot is a feeling of not being understood. Its not a good place to be. In this, I certainly share ur fustrations.
I searched the web for applicable quotes for ya. I'm not good at the reaching out make you feel better thingy, but I do know its always good to know someone has felt enough like you've felt to be able to sum it up nicely. I thought them appropriate.
“I do not struggle in your web because it was my aim to get caught.” -annonymous
"The strongest have their moments of fatigue” - Friedrich Nietzsche
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second.” - William James
"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice, and motivated by pride and vanity” -Dale Carnegie