It's a Bit Nipply Outside

On this chilly morning (of 30 degrees)... I can't help but be filled with warmth for my friend Matt... who is in Florida... so, it's with great love that I send this message to him:

Enjoy your vacation (bitch)... I hope you have a great (not) day... and the rays of the sun come down and caress your skin like (sunburn) the hands of an angel... and you get refreshed by the bite of (a crab) the warm Gulf waters... and the wind blows (sand) at your back...and you experience some of the local (vagrants) people and cuisine (seagull droppings) and get a taste of (salmonella) the south in all it's glory. Before you know it, we'll be welcoming (with shotguns at the gate) you back to in our embrace (around your neck).  Only the best for you, my friend (pain in the ass).