SENDING LOVE TO A HATER

Having recently eliminated some unneccesary drama in my life, I'm guessing that it's coming back to haunt me.  I suppose I could delete the nasty comments that I got yesterday on my blog, or even set comments to be preapproved before they post, but as much as this is my blog to say or feel what ever I want, to be fair, I must take in all comments, good and bad.  I appreciate the effort that it takes to read it and the feedback helps me in one way or another.  I just hope that, in what we are calling "constructive criticism" that it is just that, and it should be based on factual information.  I have no idea who Gary is, btw?

Led by my stupidity, gemini-like or manic-depressive ways or poor judgement, I have made some choices in my life that I have had to deal with.  And while they might have been right or wrong, it's what worked for me at the time.  I would be lying to say that I didn't have any regrets in my life... I have a ton.  But I am where I am, I did what I did and I'm still here, working through it, working on my self and working to accept my life.

One thing I am is direct.  As evidenced by this blog, I put myself out there and don't hold much back.  I treat people as I want to be treated.  I have had some wonderful men in my life and, for whatever reason, it may or may not have worked out.  I don't string anyone along, treat anyone like a dog or ask anyone to follow me around.  If you truly knew me, you'd know that I don't put up with shit, will not stay in a relationship that isn't right and try not to cause problems for others, unlike many.  I treat people fairly and with respect, as long as that is how you are treating me.  If not, stupidly, I still usually put up with it for a long time before I am done with it.  I give a lot to my friends, family and even strangers.  I drop everything to help someone out.  Anyone that takes a minute to know me, knows this.  I think my friendships of 25+ years attests to this and that I am still friends with 95% of my exex.  I love my father to death.... I protect him and care for him unconditionally.  I have taken on the responsibility until he's gone.  Even time after time with my brother, I try to care for him, help him and love him regardless of what he has done to us, although it's very difficult.

Because I choose to not sit behind a desk 39.5 hours a week, that's my business.  I do what I do at this point in my life because I have worked 60-70 hours a week since I was right out of high school and continue to do so during the Spring, Summer and Fall.  So I'm not going to feel guilty that this is my life.  If you don't like your life, change it.  I live well within, if not well below, my means.  I live a simple life and I'm fortunate to have the opportunities I have as a direct result of my efforts.  I have made financial mistakes and are paying for them.  Not that it's anyone's business, but I don't live off my Dad and, to the contrary, I just paid for his real estate taxes on his house after he got himself in the hole giving his money to my brother.  I also pay my portion of the rent, the cable, internet, water, and sewage.  And my taxes.

Just coming off such a beautiful experience of respect and love from total strangers, it's amazing how you can be treated by someone who supposedly 'cared' for you at some point, since I only give this blog out to people who are supposed to be friends.  It's a little unnerving to come to the realization that this is someone that I loved who, secretly, was filled with hate and jealousy right in front of me.  Having a good idea of who it is, I feel sorry for him and invite him to discuss his allegations with me in person, although I know that will never happen.  It's very easy to lash out anonymously... instead, take responsibility for your comments and be direct.  I welcome the feedback, but judge not, lest ye be judged.  I feel sorry that they have such hate in their bodies and their heart is black... I offer them love to help them work it out.