Another Icon Sinks

Even though I read my Hollywood mags every week, I'm not the kind of person to get glued to the TV when a scandal breaks.  I can proudly say that I watched a total of maybe 4 minutes of the O.J. ordeal... and having loved Princess Di, I watched about the same amount with her wedding and, subsequently, her funeral.  So, suffice to say, I try to avoid all the 'news coverage', if you want to call it that.

My greatest talent is tanning.  Within minutes, I can have a tan line and I don't really peel, except for that unfortunate incident at the nude beach last July.  That is what God (?) gave me, so I work with it.  If I was handed some great ability, say, to be able to hit a ball in a hole and make $100 million dollars off it, I would certainly do everything I could to protect that, since it's my future, it may support my family to the ridiculous level that they have become accustomed to and, if it all comes crashing down, it's not like even he can take my talent (tanning) and do anything with that.

I suppose there's some market research that would back up that Tiger Woods can sell stuff.  I mean, with his squeeky-clean image (lol), I suppose there's some old guy out there that would buy an ugly Buick Lacross because Tiger can hit a ball in a hole.  Frankly, nothing could get me to buy a Buick... and as much as I admire and look up to my Dad... and him being a die-hard Buick guy... I drive a Nissan.  If I had contracts with top companies, was making all that money... and had that talent... not to mention a knockout model wife... I think that I would be able to keep my dick in my pants for five minutes.  it's not like he was gay and was lonely, or had no means to find someone... then you can kind of understand the secrecy... how stupid are you to think that, in this day and age of people wanting to sue people for all kinds of shit and write a book about it, that you would be able to pull off one woman... much less the fifteen or so that got on the bandwagon... and hide that from the world?  Stupid.  And why they think they deserve some privacy in the matter... you gave that up when you cashed the first check for the first spokesperson gig. Spare us the 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman' crap... you tore out of your driveway, got a golf club through the back window and wrecked the car... who didn't see what that was all about 3 minutes into it... we watch 'Cops', you know.

And while it's probably unfair to assume God-like behavior on a mere mortal, that's what they signed up for.  When you put your face on a Wheaties box, or attach it to a name like Nike... you owe the public... and most of all kids... who have nothing to look forward or up to than idolizing a celebrity... hoping for what they have... that lifestyle.... you owe it to them to be a model citizen.  Long and short of it... keep your birdie in your pants... you're sub-par.