Bad Connection

After thinking about my situation with Jesse on the way down here, and being reminded of him a half dozen times the first day, it wasn't until I ran into some friends and was discussing it that I am finally was able to not second guess it and put closure on it.  Apparently he made a comment to someone that the best part of our relationship and the connection that we had was having to do with sex... and for me, that was so far down the list as far as what I thought was special about our connection, it made me realize.  And when I thought about what it actually was, I realized the things that were special to me in our connection were efforts that I put into it... the way that I caress and love him.... the way that I watch over him... and the way that I support and encourage him.  And while I'm not blaming him, he just isn't capable of some of that, and I'm not so sure it's just his age that's a factor.

While nothing really happened to spark me ending it, I'm really glad that I went with my gut feeling, because I was totally on base... he and I will never be on the same page... and the one thing (our connection) that I did feel wasn't what I thought either.  Perhaps our coming together this time was to provide closure, open my eyes to what it is that I want from a partner and what I deserve in return.  I feel incredibly clear and light.