Solitary

Today, for the first time in a while, I have been hit with a touch of melancholy.  I'm not sure if it's the weather... or I'm just tired... or tired of things.  After a night of gay overload with the street party, I can't help feeling like we all are just walking around looking for someone, but no one will risk rejection... or put the energy into getting to know someone... or afraid to show who we really are.  Instead, we just walk around looking at each other, and all the while, we just want to reach out.  Sadly, that's about the time that I reached out for some cheese fries and then left at 11:30.

Growing up through my 20's, I was out to the clubs all the time, probably 5 nights a week.  At a certain point, you grow up, and not going out on a Friday or Saturday night isn't such a calamity.  One day, you realize that you're not missing anything and that it's ok to stay home.  I felt that way last night.  I'm glad that I went to show unity, but I was glad when I got home.  Today is the parade... again, a unity showing.  I was supposed to ride on the float for camp, but I think I'll just sit and watch... surrounded by so many and yet still alone.