My Simple(ton) Life

Yesterday, after eating what equated to a small barnyard animal in volume, it kind of upset me when I looked at all I took in ( 3 McDonalds cheeseburgers, 1 large fries, 2 chocolate pies, 1 turkey/salami sandwich, 1 KFC chicken strip, 2 biscuits, 1 soft taco and drink 3 large iced coffees, 1 rootbeer pop, and 1 diet pepsi) to deal with my life.  It seems the more that I try to simplify my life, that only leaves more room for everyone else I know to dump their stuff on me.

My Aunt's faucet was dripping last week and, knowing how particular she is, I told her to go pick one up that she wanted and call me when she got it.  She left me a message last Wednesday and I called her twice on Thursday on my way to camp to try to tell her that I would take care of it this week, but her answering machine (yes, she still has one) didn't pick up.  So, yesterday, I went over there to put it in... figuring that it would be a quick job.  I forgot that she doesn't have air conditioning (or even a fan blowing) so, within ten minutes, I was drenched, but I got it in and it worked fine.  Later in the day, she called me back to tell me about her answering machine, so I went back to look at it and it was broken.  Of course, because she hates change of any kind, she wanted the same exact one.  Well, they barely make answering machines any more, let alone the one that she has from ten years ago, so she asked me to pick one up, which I will later on.  In the meantime, the drain wasn't working on the sink that I fixed, but I didn't touch that part of the mechanism, so I don't know what's up with that... I'll have to look at it when I bring the answering machine over and spend 14 hours trying to explain it to her.  It's always something.

My friend Anna had hanging baskets on her porch that were dying, and she asked me, while I was there doing work on the swamp, to 'bring them back to life', as if I could resurrect them like I was J.C., himself or Mother Nature.  I couldn't figure out why they were dying and went about my business planting flowers and bushes and continuing to clear the brush from the waterfall area, making it look like the jungle that it is rather than the swamp that it was.  I picked up the watering can and there was a little bit left in the can, so I looked in and at the bottom was a very little bit of water with what looked to be a half cup of  MiracleGrow.  For those of you that know, the ratio is about a half teaspoon per 2 gallon watering can, so the mystery was solved... the bitch burnt the roots of the flowers with too much MiracleGrow.  The problem was that now, she had to replace them before the graduation party that she's hosting this Sunday, so it became my problem, like the faucet and the answering machine.

I then went to my cousin Kelley's to help her with her yard... she's a photographer... and to make a long story short, she wanted to make the outside of her house look like an Olan Mills studio, complete with the barnyard fence, trellis and gazebo, all spread out in her 1/4 acre yard amongst the weeds that didn't cross her mind to pull.  So, needless to say, my bitch-ass will be building some fences after July 4th.

I didn't grow up being handy.  My Dad and Uncle were, and I guess I inherited the ability to reason and the nerve to try doing things myself.  Over time, having owned two houses, I have renovated kitchens and bathrooms, done drywall, painting, electrical, plumbing and two dozen other things... mainly learning from the people at Home Depot and reading.  I have purposely down-sized my life so that I don't have to deal with things, and I don't mean to elevate myself to a level far superior to those not priviledged with logic, but I seriously have to wonder how these people in my life would get along if I weren't around... which I am dangerously close to not being (around, that is)... especially if the vicious circle of stress and eating continues for me...

I have this fantasy of hitching up a travel trailer to my truck, getting a dog... dropping my Dad of at Shady Pines Rest Home and hitting the open road, tossing my phone out the window before I hit I-79.  One can dream, right?