I'm Trippin'

I leave early tomorrow for my trip.  I'll be doing a small load of laundry and packing today mostly, then getting to bed pretty early since I have to be up around 4:30 a.m.  I'm a little anxious going with my brother fresh out of rehab and all the commotion that it brings... plus, I've caught my Dad doing (or not doing) a few things lately, like leaving his space heater on and not turning the stove off.  If my brother doesn't steal everything I own, my Dad will surely burn the house down.

It's difficult to understand the mind of the addict unless you've been in that situation... or on a 'trip'.  Last night for a few hours, I was browsing the internet in search of a support group for families.  Nar-Anon seems to be the only thing out there, or a stolen version of it... where they utilize the 12 steps.  When I was dealing with Narcotics Anonymous with an ex, I did some research into the program and the results are not that impressive.  Something like a 1 or 2% success rate beyond a few months period.  In my analyzation, it occured to me that they never suggest that you get to the root of the problem, either through self-reflection or therapy... and that, to me, seems to be the question that needs to be answered first:  Why did you put that crap in your body to begin with?  What was going on... or what were you feeling?  Instead, all this mumbo-jumbo about surrendering to a higher power, etc. only shifts the attention and responsibility away from the addict.  They're basically told to not hang out with anyone from your former life... and I think that facing the people that you hurt should be the first thing you do.  Taking responsibility is paramount.

I had a frank talk with my Dad this morning, laying the ground rules for him while I'm away.  I also tried to explain to him how he needs to take responsibility for his part in enabling my brother, and how every little thing that he does only derails my brother's success.  Many websites said the same thing;  the easier that you make the experience for the addict, the less they will think twice about doing it next time.  The rationalization that goes on in weighing the high they will get and the self-destruction they will cause determines success or failure.  And I've said it a million times, until he is living under a bridge will he ever wise up, appreciate anything and learn to do for himself.

When I get back, I may try to find a therapist that I can take my Dad to just to reiterate all of this and to give him a chance to talk it out in his own head.  I need to reprogram him to understand that while he thinks he's just doing a good deed and helping, he's not.  I don't like the 12-step programs for their low success rate and their cult-like connection to religion, even though they say it's not.   So far, I haven't been successful in finding anything that I feel comfortable with... maybe I'll have to start my own group.