Hocking My Past...

Tomorrow is the big garage sale, with my two computers, some pieces of Tuscan English, Royal and S.G.K china and a few other things being the 'high-ticket' items... I'm hoping to make a few bucks.  I filled up a two-car garage to the point that you can barely walk down the aisles.  It should be quite a spectacle.  My Mom's taste in clothes was impeccable... with the house, not so much.  While it was always spotless and looked very nice, let's just say that the Wal mart picture department must have been bought out by her several times... you know, the kind with the goldish plastic multipiece frames that fall apart when you pick it up.  So, imagine my surprise when, after some research, that she actually had a few nice pieces laying about.  Nothing that I'd keep or display, mind you.  With the other house almost empty and painted, it's starting to look like there's an end in site.

I'm not sure if someone happened onto my site by accident or if I have them hooked, but I got my first hit from Mexico yesterday.  It's official... I'm multi-national.  

Just Saying....

Everyone hears what you say.
Friends listen to what you have to say.
Best friends listen to what you don't say. 

(I stole this from a good friend who has proven he listens AND reads between the lines)

A Move and a Movie

After watching the Country Music Awards last night, I wish I had a lasso to do myself in.  I don't know if it was the sound system or what, but no one sounded any good.  I've heard a group on a platform in the Wal mart parking lot sound better, and these were supposed to be the best.  Makes you wonder how much of their voices are fabricated.  Someone that always sounds the same, no matter what show or concert or medium is Taylor Swift.  She is consistently awful.  Does anyone else realize this... that behind her barrel curls is someone who cannot sing?  It's embarrassing to watch.  And yet, she picked up Female Vocalist of the Year, Album of the Year and Entertainer of the Year awards.  WHAT?  I can maybe see the last one, since that's probably based on fan hooplah and concert sales... but the others, stealing them away from Reba, Faith Hill, etc... what a shame.  It proves that the 'masses' don't exactly have good taste.  Move her to the Disney channel singing lullabys.  I'm starting to like Kanye more and more.

The other night, we saw "Law Abiding Citizen" with Gerard Butler and Jamie Foxx.  What a great movie.  It was a nail-biting, edge-of-your-seat plot that delivered right up to the (unexpected) end.  While it is does have elements from "Saw", it's a psychotic twister that you'll not want to miss.  I give it 4 1/2 sunny fall days out of 5.  It's a 'must-see'.

Yum !

Whop-de-doo, it's about time...

SALT LAKE CITY – The Mormon church for the first time has announced its support of gay rights legislation, an endorsement that helped gain unanimous approval for Salt Lake city laws banning discrimination against gays in housing and employment.

"The church supports these ordinances because they are fair and reasonable and do not do violence to the institution of marriage."

Passage made Salt Lake City the first Utah community to prohibit bias based on sexual orientation or gender identity. Under the two new ordinances, it is illegal to fire someone from their job or evict someone from their residence because they are lesbian, bisexual, gay or transgender.

And although this was the church's first public endorsement of specific legislation, it is not the first time the church has voiced support for some gay rights. In August 2008 the church issued a statement saying it supports gay rights related to hospitalization, medical care, employment, housing or probate as long as they "do not infringe on the integrity of the traditional family or the constitutional rights of churches."

Since when did the 'traditional family' become 2 or 3 wives?

Body Changes... Menapausies?

I've been going through some body adjustments over the last couple of days.  Between caffeine withdrawal and reverse sugar shock... somewhat of a head cold and realizing that there's a few days that went by that I didn't take my medication, my head is swirling.  I've been exhausted as well, but have been sleeping well though... and a lot.

I'm finally having the garage sale this weekend.  It's supposed to be sunny and around 60-65 through Sunday.  I have a bunch of things to bring from my Dad's to add to the big honking pile I have here already.  It will be good to get that over with.  It seems as I work through the laundry list of things I need to get done that more get added.  It wouldn't be so bad if they were little things, like weed the flower beds... but they're a little more complicated than that.  And while I have been making some progress, it doesn't seem like enough.  What does a clear head feel like?  I'd like to know... and a simpler life as well.

Julie

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIE !

I've known Julie since the 7th grade.  I crushed on her all through Jr. High and High school... and while we never dated officially, we were inseparable.  Dating was one of those things that was waiting to happen... until I burst out of the closet and she burst into tears.  I always wanted to do a duet with her or be in a school play opposite her as the male lead, but was always too scared to try out.  I'm fortunate to still have her in my life some 30 years later.  She's a fantastic singer, a caring Mom and a valued friend.

My Own Worst Enemy

My life hasn't been easy, not that anyone's is.  With being adopted, having biological parents who were a mess, being gay, having been sexually harrassed, having changed careers many times throughout my lifetime and constantly having to reinvent myself, being a Gemini, having my Mom pass away, taking control/care of my Dad from my addict brother, financial ruin, and fighting depression, to name a few... and while I try not to use these to define myself, these are the things that make up who I am.

I spend a lot of time self-reflecting.  I've had therapy in the past, been on medication and have sought out help from books and workshops as well... trying to figure myself out, to no avail.  In fact, the more I look deep inside, the deeper the hole gets.  I have to wonder if I will ever even get close to an identity to use as a starting or reference point.  Meanwhile, my life has played out like a deep bog of quicksand and if I don't keep moving, I'll sink.  Or like I'm a tornado, with a path of destruction behind me a mile wide.  And while I'm sure that everyone plows through their life making decisions (good or bad) that effect their life, I spend way too much time analyzing my every move to the point that I am paralyzed.  With every move being intertwined with the next, I feel wrapped up in a lifetime of paths.  I'm choking.

I've always been a 'relationship person', whatever that means. But with everything in my life being a catch-22, it turns out that I haven't had much success with them.  In comparison and by statistics, no one really does, I guess.  I just wish I was the kind of person that could just take the easy way out... blame the other person, learn nothing and move to the next one.  Or worse (as in the case of some people I know), stay in relationships that don't work... it's usually those people that pass judgement from their moral pedestal on to those who expect/desire/deserve more and are not willing to put up with crap.  Not sure which is worse... both situations end up with unhappy people who are lonely. 

Every one thinks that, because I can get attention for one reason or another, it's any better.  On the contrary, it has made me very insecure.  Second guessing why someone would be interested in me, knowing all along what a mess I am.  As a result, I walk around a loner with a wall up.  Add to it my low self esteem and tendencies to push people away and it's a recipe for disaster.  I might as well start knitting, get a cat or ten and learn how to make jam.  That's my future.  I'm not an easy person, I know that.  There's no manual and I don't fit a profile.  This was blaringly obvious to me when I decided, with a ray of hope, to look for someone on Match.com a few weeks ago.  After spending almost an hour to fill out their detailed and scientific profile and setting the parameters for someone within a 300 mile radius, not one match came up.  There are millions of people in their database.  That's depressing.

My life is much different than it used to be.  I'm not living the swinging singles lifestyle... I don't have a big corporate job... I pull weeds and rub gay men at a gay campground for a living... I have a small local friend-base... and I live with my Dad.  Not exactly putting myself out there.  So finding someone to fit into that scenario is pretty bleak.  And while I am coming to grips with that, it's not an easy pill to swallow.  Still, I continue to figure it out... work on myself (I am attending a workshop next month to work through some of these problems) and remain hopeful. 

And while the offers for a roll in the hay are always out there, I'm tempted to hire someone to just hold my hand... cuddle... talk indepth... run their hands through my hair (what's left)... kiss me... those are the things I miss.  Those are the things that make my heart ache.

Funny Twins

I love these girls... They're kind of creepy, like you'd see them at the end of a long hallway. Their voices are so monotone and annoying, but I can't stop listening to them. When the mother walks in, they get all cute and smiley. Total brats... I love them!

Sunny, Sunny Day (Part Two)

71 degrees today expected and it's already 61.  With at least ten things that I shoulda-coulda-woulda wanted to do today, I'm heading to my friend, Elaine's to clean up her yard for company coming.  I wanted to throw the bike in the truck and head about an hour away to ride at Ohiopyle, but I may do that tomorrow.  There was no way in hell I was going to be inside today working on that 5X5 bathroom.  So much to do, so little sun and warm weather.  It feels like spring... it even smells like it.  I have all the windows open.

Sunny, Sunny Day

Wow... it was gorgeous outside today.  My Dad and I went over to the house and while he rode around on the tractor (supposedly mulching leaves but more so getting himself dizzy and lost), I took two truck loads of leaves over to the composting station after using the blower and rake to gather them up.  So much so, that I got a blister on my right hand.  I am technically right-handed, but I do a lot of different things with each hand... I actually wear my watch on my right hand, which usually throws people off.  Any way, finding out recently that we only have 1.2 acres instead of 2 may be bad for the price of the house selling it, but it's a God-send when cleaning up leaves.  Although the yard didn't shrink, mentally it felt like less.  I also went up on the roof to blow the gutters out (get your mind out of my gutter) and removed the toilet, vanity and floor in the bathroom in preparation for the new stuff and wanescoting.  All in all, a productive day.  Tomorrow is supposed to be 70ish.  Lucky us.

YUM !

This is a new section that I have aptly dubbed "YUM !"

Progress(ively Going Backwards)

Today was a disaster. I didn't get anything done that I had planned. After feeling sick last week and pissing around this week, I finally got motivated to go back over to my Dad's to do more work on the bathroom. However, just as I was getting ready to leave the house (not really, I was watching Supernanny reruns), my Dad calls... his truck died near town. So I had to change my plans (get up) and head down there to figure it out for him. After Triple A got there, it was surmised that the alternator went bad (imagine after 135,000 miles). Fortunately, the tow truck driver (cute as a button although somewhat grimy) said if we took it back to his garage, he could have it done in an hour. 55 minutes later and $245.00 less, we were back on our way. My morning was shot (now that it was 3:30 p.m.), so (boo hoo) I didn't get to do any work at the house.


I decided to head to Barnes and Nobel to read my magazines (Us, People, Star, OK, Entertainment Weekly, Life & Style and In Touch)... and what to my wondering eyes do I see? Not my magazines, that's for sure. B&N has a habit of putting them out later than any other store. I was so pissed I didn't get to read my $85 worth of free magazines, I actually thought about paying for subscriptions. Nah.


From there, I thought I would head over to the new 'Market District' Giant Eagle. Developed to rival Trader Joes and Whole Foods, it looked more like a stroll through Epcot Center at Disneyland. So kitchy, trying to simulate the feel an open-air market in Europe, it missed it's mark. First, the infrastructure around it wasn't made for the traffic. There were 30+ cars in the turning lane and the parking lot was a total cluster-fuck. Poorly designed, not enough of it and cars parked everywhere, every single Robinson Township "SUPPIE" (Suburban, Urban-wanna-bee Professionals) obviously had nothing to do on a Friday night but head there to see the giant cheese sculpture and use their $2 off coupon. I think they thought this was their big chance to go to a foreign country (less the frequent flyer miles and passsport), since many have never ventured over a bridge, much less an ocean. With too many winding aisles, props that were pretentiously not needed, taste testing booths, big slabs of dried meat... it was jam-packed with people trying to get a free piece of cheese and a cracker... it was a mess... you couldn't move. There were some different things on the shelves, but mostly the normal brands... it looked like a little village in Italy bought out the Wal-mart and stocked their shelves. It had a dry cleaners, beer, crepe station, cafe, hot and cold buffets... once you got in here, there's no reason to leave (although I didn't run across a bedding department).

Build it, and they will (put on their Steeler apparel, get all their under-achiever kids in their SUV's and) come.

Progress

It's been 4 days now since I've had pop or candy... something that was a staple in my diet before this week. I've gained 10-15 pounds over the last couple of months from eating really crappy food, including McDonald's mostly every day. I eat out of stress or convenience, with 8 cans of diet pop and usually a bag of sugary, gummy candy every day... and at least one trip to the fast food places. It's a wonder I'm not diabetic or have had a heart attack.

Tonight, I made sirloin tips with green beans. I had my salad at Panera Bread for lunch, and eggs for breakfast. I had a banana and yogurt as well. I bought salad, bacon, chicken, lots of vegetables and more eggs at the store tonight. I've also been drinking lots of water, which is a milestone for me. I'm not specifically cutting out anything else other than sugar, caffeine and things blatantly recognized as junk food. And although I feel more tired than normal without the sugar and caffeine, I am going to bed at a normal hour... usually around 11 (compared to 3 a.m. before). With my trip in a month, I'd like to lose 10 pounds, which is my ideal weight, while kicking up my exercise as well. I hope I don't loose it from my booty... I like it when it's plump and luscious.

Probably In Bad Taste

Heading to Florida

I got some great news today... my ex, Scott, who has the condo in Ft. Lauderdale where I stay, put his condo up for sale and needs some work done in it (painting, spackling, etc). He wants to fly me down in a month, rent a car for me and pay me for painting the whole place. Being their second home, it's very fun and kitchy, but they want to tone it down a bit for selling. I have a class in Philly (details to come) December 5-7th and I'll drive there, stay with them and then leave my truck and fly out of there to their place in Florida the day after for 10-12 days, fly back to Philly and drive back to Pittsburgh... just in time for Xmas. It's a great working vacation and soaking up some sun will help me recharge for the rest of the winter.

Play On

I like a wide variety of music from all countries, to all time periods... classical, opera, big band, country, lounge, broadway (duh)... but other than the staples (Cher, Madonna, Barbra, Bette, Reba), I've never really had a person that I would follow to the ends of the earth... until Carrie (and I don't mean the bloody period prom spoiler). Carrie Underwood is the epitome of what a performer should be... fantastic voice, beautiful, kind, humble, caring... and the list goes on. She is really a great person and someone to look up to, coming from nothing and doing what was right to get to the top. More performers today should take notice. This is what 'superstar' looks like when you look it up on Wikipedia. Today, her new album comes out and, although I didn't camp out overnight, I'll be there in a bit to get it as soon as Target opens their doors. On a side note, Kris Allen's CD isn't that bad... guess my ex-lover really didn't need me afterall to make it.

"This Is It"... and it was!

Most aging singers wind up using a lot of backup singers to cover up that their voice has changed or isn't as strong as it was. They don't take as many risks in their performances. Not true of Michael Jackson. If there was any doubt in anyone's mind how his comeback concert was going to go, rest assured, it would have been spectacular. After seeing his limited-release movie tonight, there's no doubt in my mind.

Music has changed a lot over the years. I'm sure our parents thought the same thing. His music was both meaningful and simple as well as fun. I'm not a die-hard fan, but you can't help to know his music and tap, if not dance, along to it. He was brilliant in his own right. It's a shame that he really didn't get to show that he still had it... It would have been a once-in-a-lifetime, spectacular showing. I highly recommend everyone sees it.

Halloween

I've never been a fan of Halloween. I guess being a logical person, I never really got caught up in make-believe. I did, however, like the creative side to the holiday, and I usually come up with a bunch of great ideas for costumes that don't ever come to fruition. The times that I do recall dressing up as a kid, I really don't remember having fun. It seemed like it always rained. I remember having my mom's blanket around me with a sombrero on my head and the vision that I have was of my red rubber boots... I can still see me looking down at them in the dark in the rain... a very vivid memory. I'm assuming that my brother and I got these outfits for Xmas... since the tree is up (and the mandatory setting of in front of the mirror so that my Dad can be in the shot looking down at his Brownie camera). I'm wondering at what age I took my stance on gun possession... not yet, obviously, from my packed holster. Gun or not, I think I would have been pistol-whipped out of the wild west with those candy-striped pants and white tie. Remember when Halloween costumes came in a box with clear cellophane lids for your viewing pleasure? And (living in Pittsburgh with the Clark company local) you got 35 Clark Bars in your bag?

One thing that I've always been good at was eating candy and Halloween was like one big fucking exploding pinata. I couldn't hardly wait until we got home to empty out the bag onto the table to see what treasures I got. In those days, candy didn't have to be padded down, tested for DNA and ran through a metal detector first so, while still wet and in your red rubber boots, you could start trading candy with your siblings... and enjoying every bit of the treats. In the early days, before the advent of the 'plan houses', you had to work for it... walking up long driveways with big yards... then we got wise and hit the plans, scoring half a pillowcase or more. No wonder we all have ADD. In our day it was just called having a case of the 'high spirits' or being labeled as 'rambunctious'. Lately, I've been on a sugar kick and it needs to stop. Enough with the pop too... It's a wonder that I'm not diabetic. With Halloween looming...Thanksgiving, Xmas, Valentine's Day and Easter are all on the horizon, I should be able to do just fine staying away from the sweets. Not.

Fallingwater & Kentuck Knob

Today, 11 of us went to Fallingwater and Kentuck Knob, which is about an hour and a half from Pittsburgh. Both residences were designed by Frank Lloyd Wright; Fallingwater for the Kaufmann family (former owners of the local Kaufmann department stores fortune) and Kentuck Knob for the Hagan family (ice cream). Having two totally different Wrightian styles but sharing some key elements (like cantilevering (anchored only on one end without opposite end supports)), use of local materials and making inside and outside one flowing design). Fallingwater, I believe, is the most famous home in the country and the house is set jutting overtop of a waterfall and way in the woods. Kentuck Knob is set on the top of a hill (knob) and the view is spectacular. Both are beautiful in their own right (Wright).

It was the perfect day... the weather was clear, sunny and brisk... we had a tailgate party and had lunch at an Ohiopyle cafe.

You can view all the pictures at http://www.flickr.com/photos/44214610@N02/