Live Life to the Fullest - Rest in Peace, John

Yesterday morning, I was pulling out old pictures for the YUM !! posting I will be doing later this week.  I came across all the pictures that my ex, John, had taken while we were together.  He was always taking pictures of me and rarely could take a scenery picture of something without a person in it.  I pulled a few out that I was going to scan and send to him today.  Unfortunately, I received word later last night that he had passed away.  He didn't show up for a meeting at his family's business and his brother went over there to check on him and found him, apparently having suffered a heart attack.  He was in his mid-forties.

I met John at Pegasus, a gay bar here in Pittsburgh in 1998.  He came up to me and asked me if I wanted to dance and I said no.  He asked me if I wanted a drink and I said no.  He didn't let up... and I was hooked by his confidence and persistence, along with his smile and piercing, beautiful eyes.  We left the bar and went to a local restaurant that is known for being packed after the bars closed and when we got there, it was.  We walked in and he said 'wait right here'... with that, he went over and shooed some people out of a table, waved me over, sat me down, took my food order, paid for it, got it, and brought it over to me.  I had never seen such take-charge attitude, especially from someone that was 5'8", and I was really hooked.  But that's the way John did everything... BIG... including his love for his family, his heart and his compassion for people.

When I met him, he was just starting to serve a DUI loss of license for esentially falling asleep at a red light at an intersection and the police just rolled up on him while he snoozed.  John played hard, but slept hard as well, as you can see by the pics below.    I loved taking pictures of him while he slept... he didn't have to be the strong, powerful businessman.  He always did the same things when he slept... either stuck his hand down his pants, held his arms in a chicken-like stance... or had a leg up somehow... and always with his buddy, my dog Shelby, whom he loved to death.  When we'd have movie night, I would get his popcorn and Dots candy ready for him, and it never failed that he'd fall asleep minutes later.  About a month into our dating, I received a job offer in Philadelphia that was too good to pass up.  I'll never forget calling him from a pay phone to tell him... and him supporting my decision, but not wanting to let go.  I moved, and we dated for 5 months long distance, before I quit my job to be back in Pittsburgh with him.  We had a great relationship.  We traveled a lot, did a lot with his family and lived the life of two gay guys in the suburbs.  I decided to go to massage school and then opened up my day spa, which he fully supported me in my decision.  He even helped by spilling a whole 5 gallon bucket of mustard paint in the middle of the waiting room floor carpet which, thankfully came up with hours of using the shop vac.  With me working 6 days a week, 9 or 10 hours a day and him traveling for his job, we started to question what we were doing and why.  Instead of taking a little break to regroup, we got aggrivated and just gave up.  It wasn't an easy break up, but we got through it and remained friends since, touching base every week or so... or he would leave a comment here or there on my blog... and we'd have lunch once a month.

John was larger than life.  Most times with a drink in one hand, a cigar in-mouth and a poker hand in the other, he loved living life to the fullest, especially in the casino.  I used to call him 'tornado' because he was always like a bull in a china store, somewhat clumsy and scattered.  One time he almost burned our house down using the toaster oven... another time he was rushing around (because he was always late) trying to get to the airport to catch a flight... and he set the luggage down by the trunk and forgot to put it in and ran over his luggage, then dragged it down the street until I noticed and called him on his cell phone to stop the car.  This was life with John.  It was always an adventure.  We worked together well because he was the big picture guy, and I was the detailer.  He'd come home and say 'let's go to the Bahamas... I've booked the flight' and I'd be the one who would make it all happen by taking care of everything else.  He was the first and only person I ever dated that I fully trusted to do what he said he would.  He was a man of his word.  He also was a family man, taking care of his Aunts, sister, nieces and nephews, brother and parents.  He was rational, logical, sensible and fair and brilliant in business.  No matter where he went, he knew someone... and if he didn't, he would get to know him.  I always admired his being able to sit down next to a total stranger, strike up a conversation and win them over.  His personality was magnetic... you couldn't help fall in love with him.

We were together for about 3 1/2 years.  There were many times where I thought that we'd get back together, since our break up was not only a mistake, but was senseless and will go down as the most regrettable thing in my life.  I'm glad that we remained close friends... I saw him a month ago or so at the casino here in Pittsburgh... pushing me to lay it all on the line and make the big bet.  He always supported me and my crazy in everything that I did... but gave me the freedom to be me, not trying to change me, but gave me advice and pushed me to enjoy life.  I always felt safe with him out there, knowing that he would always check in with/up on me, making sure I was alright.  He had that air about him... somewhat like a Godfather... busy, but always making time for concern and compassion for others.  It's that quality about him that I remember most, evidenced by the greatest romantic gesture I've ever experienced:

While working for SAP, living in Philly while he lived in Pittsburgh (at a particularly busy time for him)... I had to take a trip to Paris for business... when I had arrived back at the Philadelphia airport, I was walking down the escalator, tired from my trip, heading to get my luggage and at the bottom of the escalator, there he stood with a dozen roses... he had flown to Philadelphia just to greet me back from my trip.  He was a sight for sore eyes, and I loved him for that.

I'm going to miss you, Freak.  Sleep well, my friend... my love.