Easters Past

(Reprinted from last year)

When we were littlins... we always used to get an Easter basket filled with tons of candy (that my mother would usually hide in the dryer every year (because finding them hidden added to the sheer joy of it all... plus, the energy expended usually counteracted the sugar to be consumed)).

My favorite candies were:

Peeps-I only liked the white ones and yellow ones (I'm not big on putting things in my mouth that turn it colors, especially blue)... plus, I liked to poke a hole in the wrapper and wait for them to get stale.. that's the best... right before mold grows and the sugar caramelizes. The only bad thing about Peeps was that the basket straw would stick to it and you were sure to eat a strand or two every season (unseating the thong as the official 'butt floss').

Reeses peanut butter eggs- Made out of the same stuff as the peanut butter cups, they tasted better shaped like teardropped poop.

Robin eggs- Of course we had to lick the robin eggs, then apply a liberal amount (18 millimeters thick, like a street-walking whore) on our lips and matching eyelid color... nothing says 'look at me, I'm a gaybird in training' like blue lips on a little boy (yet another opportunity to blame shit on my Mom).

What I did not like were:

Cadbury Eggs- Who the fuck came up with that shit? Slimey and gooey, it looks way too much like raw eggs... or like when the egg gets about 4 days past rotten and the bird starts growing in there but doesn't quiet make it to full term. And you bite into it and shit oozes down your face like a drunken encounter with a dirty sailor fresh off the boat from a 3 month tour on the high seas.

Chocolate eggs wrapped in foil- First of all, what a bitch to unwrap them... and then you never get all the tinfoil off, so you bite into it and get a nerve shock on the fillings in your teeth... Yikes! Plus, way too much work for the payout (they're so tiny... I need more substance... and don't even think about giving me something hollow... recession or not, don't pull that shit).

Jelly Beans-  Really, Mom?  Jelly beans are the most ghetto fillers in an Easter basket.  Cheap and filling, once they got moist, they would stick to the plastic grass and melt.  Unless they were gourmet jelly beans... that's a different story... THOSE I liked.  They were top-drawer.

What was your favorite?