Here Comes Peter Cottontail...

When we were littlins... we always used to get an Easter basket filled with tons of candy (that my mother would usually hide in the dryer every year (because finding them hidden added to the sheer joy of it all... plus, the energy expended usually counteracted the sugar to be consumed)).

My favorite candies were:

Peeps-I only liked the white ones and yellow ones (I'm not big on putting things in my mouth that turn it colors, especially blue (take note, Papa Smurf))... plus, I liked to poke a hole in the wrapper and wait for them to get stale.. that's the best... right before mold grows and the sugar caramelizes. The only bad thing about Peeps was that the basket straw would stick to it and you were sure to eat a strand or two every season (unseating the thong as the official 'butt floss').

Reeses peanut butter eggs- Made out of the same stuff as the peanut butter cups, they tasted better shaped like tear-dropped poop.

Robin eggs- Of course we had to lick the robin eggs, then apply a liberal amount (18 millimeters thick, like a street-walking whore) on our lips and matching eyelid color... nothing says 'look at me, I'm a gaybird in training' like blue lips on a little boy (yet another opportunity to blame shit on my Mom).

What I did not like were:

Cadbury Eggs- Who the hell came up with that shit?  Slimey and gooey, it looks way too much like raw eggs... or like when the egg gets about 4 days past rotten and the bird starts growing in there but doesn't quiet make it to full term. And you bite into it and shit oozes down your face like a drunken encounter with a dirty sailor fresh off the boat from a 3 month tour on the high seas.  Wait... I should rethink this...

Chocolate eggs wrapped in foil-  First of all, what a bitch to unwrap them... and then you never get all the tinfoil off, so you bite into it and get a nerve shock on the fillings in your teeth... Yikes!  Plus, way too much work for the payout (they're so tiny... I need more substance... and don't even think about giving me something hollow... recession or not, don't pull that shit). 

PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE POLL TO THE RIGHT ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE EASTER CANDY

Below are my two favorite Easter commercials.... I love the girl/boy in the second one at the very end... "Happy Easa Bunny!  Brock Brock"

We're a Funny Bunch

Excerpt from the book Stuff White People Like:


AVOIDING CONFLICT:

When white people have a problem with someone they generally prefer a solution that does not require a face-to-face confrontation.  The first line of attack is to retreat, bottling up their rage and complain extensively to friends.  Generally ignoring the problem is preferred, but occasionally they will be pushed too far.  When they reach the breaking point, they will write a letter or an email to the person, which is likely to be well thought out and produced over the course of a few hours.  This is essential knowledge if you find yourself in conflict with a white person... do not confront them directly, as they will back down, agree with you, then immediately start talking about you to their friends, who will then turn on you.   Again, the best course is to wait as long as possible to see if the white person will send you the olive-branch email... if they don't, wait 5 days and send it yourself.

BOOKS:

White people's obsession with books is not about the literacy or reading, but about the physical object of a book.  This is because they need to show off the books that they have read much like a hunter needs to mount the heads of their kills.  They need to let people know that they have made their way through hundreds of books, after all, what's the point of reading a book if people don't know you've read it?  It's like a tree falling in a forest.  To bond with a book reader, it is essential that you ask to borrow one of the books, which is the only practical reason for white people to hold on to their entire collection and to justify their decision to save the book, allowing them to assert their status as a well-read individual.

COFFEE:

There's no doubt that white people love coffee.  As they begin to age, a genuine taste for coffee will emerge.  During this time, white people will also develop a self-proclaimed 'addiction'.  This leads them to saying things like "you do not want to see me before I get my morning coffee".  White guys also call it anything but coffee;  rocket fuel, java, joe, black gold, and so forth.

It's worth noting that where white people buy coffee is almost as important as the drink itself.  For the most part, they love Starbucks, although they will profess to hate how the chain is now a multinational corporation.  This hatred is often sublimated by their relief at seeing one in an airport.  The best place for white people to drink coffee is at a locally owned coffee shop that offers many types of drinks, free Wi-Fi, and some sort of message board that is peppered with notices about rooms for rent and bands looking for bass players.  This is coupled with opening your Apple computer with the lit up logo facing outwards so that everyone (including the other 17 people sitting next to you) to see how creative and unique you are... and to show that you cannot possible operate your life on Windows.

NOT HAVING A TV:

The number one reason whilte people like not having a TV is so that they can tell you that they don't have a TV which, in turn, if effective in making other white people feel badly and making them feel good about their life and choices (and how their brains aren't rotting).

INDIE MUSIC:

A white person's iPod (formerly known as CD collection) is what defines them as a person.  They are always on the lookout for the latest hot band that no one has heard of  so that they can hit it just right and be into a band before it's featured in an Apple commercial, and thus, hold it over your friends forever.  But be warned:  Indie music is the most dangerous subject you can discuss with white people... one false move and you will lose their respect forever.  Here are some general rules:  1. Bands that have had their songs in an Apple ad are still marginally acceptable while bands that have had their music in other companies ads are not.  2.  If you mention a band you like and the other person has heard of it, you lose.  They own you.  It is essential that you listen to the most obscure music possible.

WHOLE FOODS:

White people need organic foor to survive, and where they purchase this food is as important as what they buy.  In the community, Whole Foods Stores have replaced churches and cathedrals as the most important and relevant buildings in society, with many considering shopping there to be a religious experience.  The company, a publically-traded corporation has realized that making white people feel good about what they are buying and putting it in a paper bag is as outrageously profitable as church.  Shopping with a child proves excellent, since there's nothing in the store that they actually would want to eat and the food can't be trusted (i.e. chocolate is really carob (wtf is that?).

TOYOTA PRIUS:

It was the Saab/Volvo in the 80's, The Jetta/Outback Station Wagon in the 90's, and now it's the Prius.  The perfect vehicle for white people, it's expensive, gives the idea that you are helping the environment and requires no lifestyle change, other than having less money.  Some white people pull the ultimate move:  Prius, Apple sticker on the back, iPod blasting indie music, and their favorite Democratic candidate's bumper sticker.

ROCK CLIMBING:

For much of human history, when presented with a mountain in front of them, human's reaction has always been "damn, I wish we could blow a hold through this so we don't have to climb it".  After roads and tunnels were constructed, a white person said to himself "I'm going to climb this, look around and then climb back down".  Rock climbing was born and, later, indoor rock climbing, so now urban white people can climb something, look around and climb back down without having to drive so far.  There's no gold  at the top of the mountain... no secret lair, not even a snack bar... the only reward being the opportunity to tell people you did it and it was intense. 

I'm Featuring You... Matt

I've met so many great people at camp... one of them being Matt.  My first encounter with him was as a massage client almost two years ago, and then, after a 4 hour talk by the fire, we realized that we had a lot in common, related well and became fast friends.  In fact, I've never had a friendship grow in leaps and bounds as ours has.

Having a diverse family background that rivals mine, he has lived in many cities growing up and has traveled the world as an adult.  A few years back, he took a year off work, bought a travel trailer and a big fat truck and traveled the country with his dog, Nick... something that I would love to do.  A Project Engineer for a company that builds nuclear power plants, he is the walking Dilbert, caring way too much about his job to the point that it makes him sick... and is surrounded by educated idiots.  His talents are severely wasted.  Whenever I have a technical question about a car or computer, he is happily on the other end of the phone, most times answering "India tech support...".  Well-versed on practically every subject under the sun, he is current and reads a lot, as well.  

Matt's love of his life is his Weimaraner, Nick.  Now 13, Nick has been by his side (literally, since he never lies down and plays rug, ever) through thick and thin.  With unconditional love,  loyalty and trust, Nick has had a great life... loving his camping trips and running through the woods.  Recently diagnosed with cancer in several parts of his body, Matt is dedicated to making his life as comfortable and full as he can.  Now very thin and frail, his heart and spirit knows no sickness, as he prances around like a puppy.

Void of a jealous, spiteful or mean bone in his body, Matt is truly one of the best people that I have come across in my life.  Unselfish, compassionate and forever willing to put someone else's needs in front of his own, he has been the voice of reason, my rock and an invaluable friend.  I am truly blessed to have him in my life.

Bleed, Thy Wounded Heart

I thought this to be perfect for the mood I've been in lately with all that's going on in the world... the healthcare bill controversy... poor Sandra Bullock and her lying, cheating husband... the Republican party's energy spent on bucking the President... there's so much unrest.  It makes me so emotional and frustrated at the same time... so with this piece, I say a prayer for all the people who have so much hate in them... work it out in your own head before you hurt someone.  Since I'm not religious and don't really pray... I'll just stand over here, listen to my music... and let my liberal heart bleed.

Posted by John on his blog this morning...

Attempts At Art.... Pictures I Took Myself

I enjoy taking pictures... these are just some that I have taken over the years... whether for the colors, the subject matter or just that it was interesting and I tried to find an artsy angle... double click on the pictures to get the full version...

Just Kidding....

Healthcare Changes Made Simple

Here are 10 ways you may be affected...

1.  Your kids are covered
2.  You can't be dropped
3.  You can't be denied insurance
4.  You can spend what you need to
5.  You don't have to wait
6.  You need to be insured by 2014
7.  You'll have more options
8.  Flexible spending accounts will be less flexible
9.  If you earn more, you'll probably pay more
10. Medicare may cover you more.. or less, depending.

See Healthcare Changes

Getting to the Root of it All

Today, it was about 60 degrees and beautifully sunny, so I went to get some landscaping done.  Fortunately, Berry came too.  Full of piss and vinegar (at his ripe old age of 24), he was excited to get some physical work in, enjoy the outdoors and get a light workout in.  Having to drag out 5 stumps with a root system each the size of Vermont, I think he was thinking that a leisurely afternoon on the couch may have been the better choice about a half hour into the day.  Having to chop off all the roots and dirt ball to be able to pick up the stump to get it in the truck proves tiring as well as back-breaking.  It's nice to have one of my friends come and help... then they can see that I'm not just lying in a field picking dandelions.  He was a life-saver for my old, decrepid body and a sight for sore eyes.  Thanks so much, Berrylicious... so tangy and strong.  Incidentally, the pic is of my first blooming Daffodil.

What a Pain in the Neck Progress Is.

This morning, I woke up with a terrible pinched nerve in my neck... I can barely turn my head.  Against my wanting to just lie still all day, I went over to the house and got more done... and picked up paint and the flooring so that I can start that soon.  I was going to put wallpaper above the cabinets on the bulkhead, but wound up putting the wanescoting there too... which was the easiest thing I've done so far.  My Dad did some 'painting'... not one of his strongsuits... unless drippy is what you're looking for.  Thank goodness he wasn't anywhere to be found when I painted the whole rest of the house.  I'm usually not one to do things half-assed, but today, I really didn't care much.  I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Tomorrow, I will be working landscaping.  The Marriott called and, as they usually do with their inspections or important people visits, they backed me into a corner and I'm forced to first, plan it all out... then scrap that and then try to get 10x amount of work done in 1x allotment of time. What had to be done by May 7th now has to be done by April 7th... and the contract doesn't even start until April 1st.  Every year, spring comes around and people want their shit done yesterday... meanwhile, it's not even time yet. 

Silly Republicans... Tricks are for Kids

Rachel Maddow... calling a Republican out after their nasty scare tactics...

How Sue "C"s It...

Tids and Bits

Today, despite the press conference and having to do the media circuit (Larry King touched me inappropriately, btw), I was still able to get over to the house to get some work done.  My brother was MIA, so I had to do it myself.  I finished all the wanescoting and it looks amazing... imagine once I get it painted.

Last night, I watched American Idol.  It's really embarrassing this year.  As I predicted, Paige was booted, so Tim is now in the top ten (although it was down to him and Paige)... he's not out of the woods yet.  If he doesn't do well next week, he'll be gone... unless I leak this picture that I took of him while we were spending the day on the beach. That may help him.  Not that I don't love him to death, but it kills me when these young guys look like this... I can't wait until their metabolism changes and they actually have to work at their bodies  Being in the top ten, he'll have to to go on the Idol Tour, which is a lot of work and anxiety for me, with him being away..

So, a month ago, I was telling my friend Berry to not get used to the nice weather because, more than likely, it would snow again.  I was told that I was pessimistic... but now that it's going to snow a little bit tonight, isn't it really positive thinking at work?  Doesn't that make me an optimist?

Next Thursday, Matt and I are headed to the Carrie Underwood concert... on April Fools Day, no less.  Coincidence that it's on the eve of Good Friday?  I think she's the only straight I would have babies with, but then again, I really don't want to have any babies, or sleep with her (and I don't mean sleep sleep)... so maybe we'd just get a puppy and she'd let me wear her shoes sometimes?  It may surprise you to know that I am not one of those gays that were like... 'eek, fish... no way am I layin' with you'... I actually have had some 'nic nic in harvest time' with a woman.. several times... and it was a good time had by all.  Still, at the end of the day, I'm more interested to know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.  Wow, this is so cryptic and P.C., I'm barely following it myself.

Press Conference (With Speech Following)

CLICK HERE FOR PRESS CONFERENCE (Be patient for it to load)


Announcer:  And now, from a live satellite feed from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Mr.David has taken the stage...

"This international acknowledgement for my work comes on the heels of a personal change of direction, fed by my need for truth... answers... and understanding.  A representation of the people, for the people and by the people... my blog is dedicated to exposing social injustice... giving perspective... and allowing raw, honest, vulnerability in it's pursuits. A medium for all to gain personal insight, it is a springboard for thought, retrospect and learning."

Announcer:  A hush comes over the crowd as Mr. David wipes a tear from his eye

"It is with great pride and pleasure that I accept your accolades and, although 'Hero' may be just a little bit undeserving, perhaps 'Literary Genius' would reflect more succinctly my efforts thus far.  Rest assured that I will uphold the standards set forth... to bring you important, cutting-edge, up-to-the-minute stories free of malice, exaggeration and bias.  I thank you for your time and continued support.... and say... be part of the solution, not the problem!" 

Announcer:  As the crowd goes wild, a sense of relief passes over... Like a shot heard round the world, his words are piercing and offer hope for change... peace... and contentment for all of mankind.  While the crowd disperses, we return you to your regularly-scheduled program, Guiding Light, already in progress.

YUM !! (Drippy Wet)

The View From My Bubble

I often wonder what I should be doing with my life. My friend Laurie said a few things today that kind of made me think... she said that I should try to get a column in a newspaper... that I write in a way that makes people relate. That's a bit of a surprise to me, since I just write as I relate to things, which I often think is pretty much not right in the head.

She also asked me when I became such a 'bleeding-heart liberal', since I guess I've been posting some stuff that relates to war and healthcare and the stupidity of some people (to protect the innocent, we'll just say that they rhyme with Bepublicans). I've never really thought of myself in an overly liberal way, but I thought that I should, perhaps, at least look it up and see what it means (since I've been called many things over the years and this was something that I wasn't sure about (remind me to look up jagger-ass as well)).

As per the Urban Dictionary, a 'bleeding-heart liberal' is a Democrat or political left-winger that tends to be more subjective in their political views.  I guess that's kind of true... I mean, I can usually see both sides of an issue (except the over or under debate... under usually has the toilet paper on the floor). Anyway, in other words, the kind of person who believes that noone should be left behind, even if helping them would be a drag on the whole group... someone who not only believes that, but will not waiver on it no matter what.  To confuse the issue, it goes on to break them down into a few different types of people that fall into this group:

1. Activists-the troublemakers who are violent and crazy but try to cover up by pretending that their motives are moral.  (I'm pretty much a pacifist and don't like confrontation, so I'm not sure this is me... I'm too lazy to go out and march around all day, although the idea of picking out an outfit to picket sounds good... something that would go with getting red paint and eggs thrown at you)

2. Stoners-people who have taken a lot of time to think through where they stand politically, and realize that violence is an ineffective way to reach their goal, even if the establishment is refusing to listen to them. These people think Bush is a terrible president, and give logical reasons.  (Well, I'm right there with my opinion of Bush... although I haven't really spent that much time on my political stand... I'd really prefer to sit, actually)

3. Metalheads-people who have taken a lot of time to think through where they stand politically, but are too carefree to do anything more than write music (blog?) about it. Also, they are pessimistic and feel they will never change anything. This group also has logical reasons for hating Bush, such as the fact that the only Iraqis killed by Sadam were rebels who were trying to assassinate HIM.  (This is starting to sound a bit like me... but I'm optimistic that my pessimistic ways can change some things)

4. Nobodies-people who really have none of their own views, but will make themselves think they believe in anything that is popular. Once they have a cause in mind, they will gather any evidence, without even thinking through it enough to realize it doesnt make any real sense. This group is very anti-Bush, but cannot give logical reasons why he is a bad president, except maybe that he has a Texas accent.  (While we'd all like to believe that we are smart enough to think for ourselves, there are so many groups that fit into this category (to protect the innocent, we'll just say they rhyme with beligious)... but I'm not one of them.  I am definitely a debator... I have a strong opinion and enjoy doing the research... still, the fact that Bush having a Texas accent and being a bad president couldn't just be coincidental, could it?)

Coming from a person who needs things defined in black and white and wants to label things, I don't think there's a label for me.  I don't care which party comes up with the answer as long as the problem gets resolved.  I believe that everyone is equal and no one should be left behind.  I believe that people are allowed to believe whatever they want as long as they understand it and have an intelligent opinion that they've thought through.  I don't believe in guns, fighting or war.  I support free speech and free thinking (as long as their ideas coincides with mine)... maybe I am a Bepublican after all?

I was thinking about the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" (and how you can usually break every word down to have a Greek origin)... so, that gave me the idea to break it down:

Bleeding:  Technically known as 'hemorrhaging' (to pour out without stopping)
Heart:  The central or innermost part;  Personality; as in compassion, love, affection, courage
Liberalism:  Belief in the importance of liberty, equality, human rights, free trade, and democracy

So, a pouring out of the center of my being for liberty, equality, human rights, etc... and that's just Yankee Doodle Dandy by me  :)

Balancing My Tids and Bits on a Tightrope

Not that I've been just lounging on the couch for months on end through the Winter, but it is interesting how my life gets crazy this time of year.  It's almost like I'm frozen and I thaw out, just like the ground.  Today, I'm running around getting stuff that I need for the house to do more work tomorrow.  We got a lot done yesterday... there's just so much more to do.  Balancing both houses and the 'off and running' nature of the landscaping business as well as camp/massage, makes for a crazy period of the year.  Sometimes I wish I had more consistency in my life, but wouldn't trade it either.  It's just how it is.   And, with being completely off my medication now, it's all so blaringly in my face.

I watched American Idol last night.  This season is definitely disappointing.  The girls are so much better than the boys... I almost wish that we could just get it down to the two girls that will win (Crystal and Siobhan)... if this were a talent contest... I'm banking that it's not (for my 10% commission on Tim) though.  These kids really don't have much imagination, maybe because they've been sitting in front of their X-boxes for their whole lives.  They pick songs that may be popular (with their age set, because they don't know any better) but aren't really good songs.  I fell asleeep near the end.  With 'Billboard #1's' as the theme, it was ridiculous the songs that they picked out of all that they could have.  And if one more of them says "I just wanted to get out there and have fun"... I'll get one of my Republican friends to shoot them with one of their guns and then refuse them medical care.  It's about winning... not having fun.  And while there are probably about 8 of them that should go home tonight, I think it will be Paige.  She's got killer eyes, but she is beyond pitchy... more like pitch a tent and wait for the girl to hit one note correctly.  Hope you have enough weenuses and marshmallows.... it's going to be a long night.

Be Part of The Solution, Not The Problem...

A friend of mine posted this on their blog... with the Republicans downing the government's ability to manage healthcare because they can't do anthing right, this clearly demonstrates how we take for granted the things that are right...

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US Department of Energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. I watched this while eating breakfast of US Department of Agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the Food and Drug Administration.


At the appropriate time as regulated by the US Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the US Naval Observatory. I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads built by the local, state, and federal departments of transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to send via the US Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.


After work, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to a house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal's inspection, and which has not been plundered of all it's valuables thanks to the local police department.


I then log on to the internet which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration and post on freerepublic.com and Fox News forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can't do anything right.

The Makings of a Disasterous Day...

Earth Hour - March 27th, 8:30 P.M.

On Earth Hour, hundreds of millions of people, organizations, corporations and governments around the world will come together to make a bold statement about their concern for climate change by doing something quite simple—turning off their lights for one hour. In the U.S. where we are already feeling the impacts of climate change, Earth Hour sends a clear message that Americans care about this issue and want to turn the lights out on dirty air, dangerous dependency on foreign oil and costly climate change impacts, and make the switch to cleaner air, a strong economic future and a more secure nation. 

Participation is easy. By flipping off your lights on March 27th at 8:30 p.m. local time you will be making the switch to a cleaner, more secure nation and prosperous America.

Progress

Today, my brother and I were able to get the wanescoating on the backsplash and behind the stove and refrigerator. It looked so good that we decided to put it around the whole kitchen, which will really add to the value of the house. Next, the countertop and flooring. Three minutes into the day, and he was on my last gay nerve. I didn't realize that he has now been sober/clean for 6 months now. This is almost his longest period... beaten only by the nine months he was in the womb.

After:

Before: