My Mom passed away in 1994. She went over to the beauty parlor to get her hair back-combed and permed, came home and was fiddling with it in the mirror in the bathroom. My Dad was in the kitchen talking to her and he said she started saying things that didn't make sense... words all jumbled and all. She then fell on the floor and was taken to the hospital, suffering from a brain aneurysm. I lived in Philly at the time and didn't get to talk to her since she was pretty much brain-dead upon arrival.
It's hard when you don't get to say goodbye. I was 28 at the time... and there's a lot of things that I would have loved to have done with her, like take her to plays and musicals since she loved to sing and get dressed up. And although I don't think that we would have ever had the type of relationship where I would have sat down to ask her advice instead of blogging about it... it's a hard pill to swallow that I will never be given the chance. I don't know what it feels like to have that support system, even down to the basics of having your Mom just give you a much-needed hug. It's difficult to say how that has affected me and the person that I have become... perhaps self-soothing... stubbornly independent... slightly detached.
It's hard when you don't get to say goodbye. I was 28 at the time... and there's a lot of things that I would have loved to have done with her, like take her to plays and musicals since she loved to sing and get dressed up. And although I don't think that we would have ever had the type of relationship where I would have sat down to ask her advice instead of blogging about it... it's a hard pill to swallow that I will never be given the chance. I don't know what it feels like to have that support system, even down to the basics of having your Mom just give you a much-needed hug. It's difficult to say how that has affected me and the person that I have become... perhaps self-soothing... stubbornly independent... slightly detached.
While I was always closer to my Mom than my Dad, we shared an odd connection that felt somewhat like a rivalry at times. There was a huge generation gap in thinking, and my early job hopping to get ahead was a theory that she didn't get, given my Dad's track record of being in the same job for 40 years. I also felt like because my Mom didn't work... didn't drive... and was saddled with two boys (when she would have loved to have had a little girl (she almost got that)) in a remote location, that she wasn't happy. Getting more details on my adoption would have also given me a sense of foundation and better understanding. Being able to talk about some of that with her later in life, like now, would have been valuable and therapeutic. Instead, I can only wonder.
In the pictures, we see her posing like Jacqueline Kennedy or some shit... complete with the dog and the tree like it was 'a night with the first lady' tv special.
Although usually when mad at me, my Mom was the only one allowed to call me 'Dave'.
In the pictures, we see her posing like Jacqueline Kennedy or some shit... complete with the dog and the tree like it was 'a night with the first lady' tv special.
Although usually when mad at me, my Mom was the only one allowed to call me 'Dave'.
I'm sorry for your loss, and that you didn't get to say a proper goodbye. But I'm sure she knew how you felt about her.
ReplyDeleteA wonderful tribute! I loved the 60s pics of your Mom! So typical of that time! I'm sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteYour story makes me very grateful for two things: (1) that my mother is still around. (2) that we've always had an excellent relationship; it is now stronger than ever since I came out to my parents three months ago.
thought of you sir when I saw this qoute.....
ReplyDeleteIf flowers grow in heaven Lord, then pick a bunch for me ▬▬▬ place them in my Mom's arms and tell her they're from me. ▬▬▬ Tell her that I love and miss her, and when she turns to smile, ( ◕‿◕｡) ღ ❤ place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for a while.
that was very tender; thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely LOVE these pics of your mom. She looks so glam. I know she wasn't particularly fond of me - taking her little boy away from her all the time - and I'm sorry you didn't get the time with her you wanted - I feel similarly cheated at losing my dad at a younger age too......I would've loved to sit and have a beer with him and just shoot the shit.....
ReplyDeleteSudden death isn't fair. It's hard to think about, yet we are all at risk of it every day. The best thing is to frequently let the people in our lives know we love them.
ReplyDeleteSounds nice, huh? But really, how often do any of us do that? No often enough. I try hard to do it with my parents, both in their 80s, knowing they could go any time.