Anybody Out There? Is This Mic On?

Lately, I've felt a disconnect to the blog and haven't been updating as much.  Partly due to a feeling that there's no one out there listening any more (less comments), and partly due to a busier schedule.  I haven't been able to form any kind of focused thoughts over the last couple of weeks short of all the things going on in politics with the mid-term elections. In trying to get a full picture of the issues, I have had to question who I am and what I believe in, truly. 

I've been posting some blog entries on some of my political views and have used my facebook page as a platform as well.  This one isn't a platform speech, so don't run away.  I find myself being split between not wanting to be that person that tries to ram their views down everyone's throat and feeling like I should be doing more, including spreading a message of some sort.

I'm not sure at what point in my life I became a liberal.  I suppose that with being gay, I was pretty much thrust into it. After all, if I wasn't liberal, I wouldn't have any self-acceptance.  Being told that you don't matter, don't deserve to have equal rights and are an abomination has a tendency to make you bond with the other underdog and the down-trodden (ie: the Democrats), and your whole existence becomes a quest for worth.  I think the same happens in religion; by constantly not being accepted, it makes you a stronger person and you search for your place of belonging... or you give up, in the case of teen suicides.

I think that it's easier to find the bad in people than the good, but it's human nature to want to find the latter.  If there's one thing that became blaringly apparent to me in the election cycle, it's that people can really be nasty.  I think that people, in life, need to identify with a group, so it's easy for people to say that they are one party or the other without having to be accountable for what implications that brings.  You might be able to say you're a Republican without batting an eye, but if asked would you cast someone aside denying them health care and ruin their financial situation and possibly their life (and possibly the loss of said life) because you would rather your tax money go towards something that could increase your own personal wealth, you may not be able to look someone in the eye and say 'yes'.  Therein lies the root of my frustration and despair lately; how can some people be so selfish?  How do these people look at themselves in the mirror?  How do they justify this behavior?  What happened to them to have that outlook?  Who's the mother of these people?

When you turn on the TV, all you see are these 'news' shows that debate the issues and twist everything 6 ways to Sunday.  Because I want to be informed and see all perspectives, I watch Fox News along with all the other shows, most claiming to be unbiased or 'fair and balanced'... but they're not.  And as you watch these shows, most with the purpose of persuading opinion, you can't help but question your own opinion and, further, your beliefs and morals.  After all, how can so many people have the opposite outlook that you have?  You start to question your own sanity and intelligence.  Maybe you have it wrong.  The only reality check is that with questioning your own crazy, you must not be since crazy people don't know that they are crazy.  Instead, they march in and vote directly against their own best interests, beliefs and morals and somehow, smile as they are doing it. 

There's a safety factor in grasping on to your beliefs, right or wrong.  Without being challenged, you live in your bubble unscathed, but you don't grow.  Change is a good thing, but there's a huge vulnerability involved that most people don't want to face or endure.  No one want's to be wrong... or seen as unintelligent.  Letting go of a belief, especially one that has been hammered in to our core, isn't easy.  Yet we have to make the effort to be informed and push our limits, since that is the only way we will grow.  And while I have questioned whether I had more piece of mind when I wasn't as involved in what's going on in politics, I know that I am clearer for having had the experience.