Day Two

Yesterday was all over the place... with my first workout, casino day and movie night.  We saw The Town last night... I think that Ben Affleck gets a bad wrap as an actor... he was actually very good.  And it's hard to tell with directing... I guess the more believable it is the better the directing?  The movie was very good all the way around... I'm not sure it's one of those movies where the topic makes it oscar worthy, but it is getting a lot of award buzz.

I managed to get my butt to the gym for day two today.  From the upper body workout yesterday, I can barely straighten out my arms and they're really starting to hurt, with all the lactic acid building up.  Today was lower body, which I think that I will regret tomorrow when I'm cutting grass at the Marriott.  Since it's been raining for 4 days straight, I wasn't able to get over there on schedule.  But it's supposed to be 70 and sunny for the next 4 or 5 days.

I'm happy that I was able to make that first step toward working out.  I can already feel that my spirits have lifted and I'm in a better frame of mind.  I went food shopping after the gym and made some healthy selections.  Making a change is all in the mind, with the body following through.  Baby steps.

Progress

I got word that the closing is set for next Friday, the 15th.  I've been itching to get this over with... and still itching from the poison sumac, although it's starting to show some improvement today.  My brother is definitely out of a job and, although hard to tell because everything out of his mouth is a lie, I'm pretty sure he will be out of his apartment as well, possibly his 'girlfriend' left him and rehab is no where in sight... since he's back to using again.  I caught my Dad giving him $60 twice this weekend, with the promise that his last paycheck will be on his debit card tonight for repayment.  That will never happen though.  There isn't any money coming.  I am at my wits end with both of them.  I told my Dad that if we don't get the money back tonight, I will change the home number (I already changed his cell number after my brother called every two minutes about 12 times in a row the other day) and that will be the end of contact with him completely.  If it doesn't happen, I will definitely re-think this whole living situation with my Dad come May and will just go on my own.  I can't stand it any more.

When I get stressed, I add to it that I eat like crap.  I worry so much about it that I turn right around and eat.  The other day, still having all the stuff left from the last time that I wanted to do the Master Cleanse, I decided to try it again.  Maybe it was because I felt weak from being sick, or I didn't eat lunch or supper that day before starting, but I lasted an hour and a half before I almost had a panic attack and had to eat.  Everybody thinks that I don't have to lose weight, but a good ten pounds goes a long way on me.  I hide weight well, but my normal weight is about 170 lbs... I'm at 185ish now.  My gym was across the street and little.  I've been paying on it for almost two years and went maybe three times.  Yesterday, I joined the LA Fitness that is next to my Barnes and Noble.  I'm hoping that with a bigger gym with more ammenities, that I will go... and I have a few friends that go there as well.  It's actually $15/month less than what I was paying.  The also offer an array of free classes and Yoga is one of them (suggested by my friend, Robin). With Winter coming and my plan to not be back on my depression meds, I'm hoping that keeping busy and working out will get me through.  I haven't been depressed yet, but have been emotional all over the board... but that could just be the things that are currently going on in my life.  UPDATE:  I just got back from my first workout... feels great... threw up in my mouth a bit from the sit-ups and I can't lift my arms up, so round brushing my hair out will not be a possibility today.  I just had a glass of milk, a banana and scrambled eggs.  I'm on my way.

Today is entertainment day... I'm off to the casino around noon to meet up with Scott... and it's movie night later on... meeting up to see Ben Affleck's The Town.  With it raining so much, looks like my Monday grass cutting will be on Thursday, the first day with a hope of sunshine.  This weekend is the Autumnfest with 15 or so friends.

Hello Color, Goodbye Leaves

October Festival Cornicopia

I slept in today since I still wasn't feeling well. I rushed to get dressed and met Matty and Anna Marie to go to a little town up by Grove City called Volant. A historical area and habitated by the Amish, it's full of little, crafty stores with their nic-nacks and their bric-a-bracks. With about 100 stores, it's fun to just walk the streets perusing, and taking in the local color and food as well. It seems like every street corner is having some sort of apple or October or Fall festival. I've had more apple dumplings than, well, my fat ass needs, that's for sure.

Redecorating My Office

 The movie The Women (1939) is one of my all-time favorite movies.  Starring Joan Crawford, Rosalind Russell and Norma Shearer... it's about a group of high-society women friends who are all after each other's husbands and are all talk-abouts and back-stabbers... it reminds me of some of my friends.  One of my favorite characters in the movie is the mother.  When her daughter, the lead character, finds out her husband is stepping out on her, the mother tells her to stick by her man any way.  Further explaining that while women get a new dress or change the style of their hair, men don't think of anything so simple, like redecorating their office, etc.... and usually try to reinvent themselves in the eyes of another woman that they'll never love. The change in my blog layout and colors is my attempt at redecorating my office. 

Over two hours long, you won't see one man in the whole movie, not even a walk-on part with no lines.  There are so many great one-liners in it that I have incorporated into my venacular... you may hear me say 'be a lamb, and get me....' or 'it'll be just as nice'. Here's a splattering...

Still Itching

Over the last couple of days, I've been battling a sinus infection and the aftermath of poison sumac from my friends swampy back yard.  I've never paid much attention to it in the past, but never got it.  I must have gotten it from the slightly open spots from my poison ivory a few weeks back, since it showed up right on top of it on my wrist, and it swelled up and actually hurts instead of itches... which it still does anyway.

On the anticipatory heels of a 30 day reprieve from my brother, I gladly drove him across town to drop him off for his rehab stint, but after waiting for him to pack and getting there, upon arrival, we were told it was just an evaluation... and that they didn't have any beds available right now... so I had to wait for him again... and bring him home.  I guess he'll get the first bed that comes open.

Yesterday, I went to the Marriott to cut the rest of the grass from earlier in the week.  Since it's been raining, I didn't get to finish.  Between the grass growing finally with the cooler/wet weather and the leaves turning, it made for a nice day, except for fighting with all the leaves in conjuncttion with the hapless wind.  I'm going to really have my hands full when more start to fall.

I bought myself some flowers the other day from Costco.  They have such a nice selection and really cheap.  A bouquet of mixed flowers with nice greenery is about $15, while two dozen roses are about the same thing.  I really like having flowers in the house... it's nice that there's something else that's alive... at least I don't have to put a mirror under their nose in the middle of some western to see if they are still alive like I have to do my Dad.  Outside the window in the picture, they are finally putting the finishing touches on the row of townhomes that they've been building.  It seems like they have been building something since the day we moved in.  With cement mixers and bulldozers and the lot, all you hear are the back-up beeps all day long... starting at around 6 a.m. and ending around 8.  Hopefully, this will be it now.

My Autumn festivals have begun... today is the Applefest... and it's supposed to start raining around noon, so I have to get an early start to get my apple dumpling, kettle corn and a big fat German weenus... which reminds me... gotta love those country boys.

Living the Dream

It looks like it's all systems go for my Dad's surgery... I was worried about the anesthesia, but the doctor assured me it should be fine.  He's all set for the 12th... and hopefully the closing will be on the 11th.  I'm about to take my brother back to rehab... I guess he failed a probationary drug test... I'm sure I'll get the low-down on the ride over there, or whatever version is my brother's current reality.  It will be nice to have a 30 day vacation.  My Dad has had it with him and has thrown his hands up in the air.  He's done that move so many times that I'm thinking of calling something and making it a dance move.  I wrote a song on Facebook about all that's going on in my life... it' needs some work, but the foundation is there and you can tap your foot to it...

 ‎"Momma died back in '93, Daddy's having angst when he's takin' a pee... My brother's still shooting stuff in his arm, rehab today, maybe 9th time's a charm... I love my truck but I lost my terrier... hell, I couldn't be any more fairy-er... This is my life... yes, this is my life".

 ‎"It's a rainy day and I'm cleaning Dad's toilet, what else in my life could come and foil it? When's the next train, I'm getting outta here... maybe I'll sit a spell and just have a beer, This is my life... yes, this is my life"

Swamp Thing

Today I was back at my friend Anna's house (a.k.a. The Swamp).  I've never seen weeds grow as fast as back there.  All that I did a few months back was completely overgrown.  Tomorrow I have to go with my Dad to his doctor's appointment.  He's supposed to be getting his prostate lasered to help with the bladder problem.  I'm worried... at his age, with anethesia... you never know what could happen.  I want to be there to understand all of what's going to happen and the risks.
Some before (on left) and after (on right) pics:

Redding Up

I decided to take advantage of it being rainy outside yesterday and started to do a deep clean (redding up, as we Pittsburghers say) on the house.  I was able to get two bathrooms and three bedrooms thoroughly cleaned.  I mentioned this on Facebook... but in the case of my Dad who has a bladder problem... you would think that with as many times as he goes throughout the day, that he would have aim down-pat by now.  Not the case and cleaning his bathroom is not fun... in fact, if I'm not going to heaven for other reasons, I hope I at least get a day of free admission and maybe a fast-pass for all the good rides for doing it.

The closing was post-poned until the 13th of October.  I don't have any concrete information, since all I got was a phone message from the Realtor... and other than calling some of the other people that were interested (of which, I have no numbers for) and pulling the deal and starting over again, I guess we will have to wait.  This will be the single-most difficult exercise in patience in my whole life.

YUM!! (Suits and Nerds)

Photo Booth Madness

Piggy

It's Nano Your Business What I'm Listening To...

Facing Monday is never any fun... facing it when it's drizzly and cold is a whole different animal.  I have a really hard time when it's gloomy outside... all those years of manual labor and massage combined with the dampness makes for a body ache that's not fun.  Yesterday, anticipating the rain, I went to the Marriott and got some grass cut and some leaves blown... so today, while I'm in the holding pattern with the closing, I'm just kind of getting caught up on my taped programs before the whole thing starts up this week again with fresh episodes.  I don't usually allow myself to just relax, but it was a particularly stressful weekend... with the cancelled closing and reunion... and finding out yesterday that my Dad co-signed on two other school loans for my nephew that I didn't know about.  I'm pretty close to giving up on trying to protect my Dad, especially when he keeps on 'playing in the middle of the road', so to speak.  It never ends.  I'm not sure that I'll ever get to a point where I can just relax a bit and let my guard down that he's not going to do anything stupid and my brother/nephew aren't planning some sort of attack.  With my brother back with his 'girlfriend' and out of work, it's only just beginning.

Today would be a good day to hold a puppy.  Maybe I'll go buy some flowers... I love having fresh-cut flowers in the house.  Here's what I'm listening to..

25 Years Back, One Step Forward

If you're really honest with yourself, you can't say that a reunion doesn't bring a certain amount of angst with it.  Fortunately, I've worked through a bunch of things and don't care about the rest, so I didn't have too much anxiety, except I would have liked to have had my hat on.  I've worn a hat every day of my adult life and, either from wearing the hat or just nature's cruel joke, my hair is thinning on top.  Still, it's an extension of who I am and I don't quite have the same confidence in myself without wearing it.  In contrast to the people who passed away or were battling some current illness, I decided to shut the f-ck up to myself and be thankful.

I got to the country club after having met with Julie and Laurie in the parking lot of the Eat n Park down the street where we proceeded to scoop out cherry jello shots out of a cooking pan from the back of her Ford Explorer SUV.  The first person that I saw was someone from another grade and I had to wonder if I was in the right place or not.  I went to get my name tag, and they put our class picture next to our name.  A few minutes later, it was pointed out that my picture wasn't of me but, rather, David Pasquarelli.. a classmate that I always used to get mixed up with and that, coincidentally, was also gay and, eerily, deceased.  Out of 328 people in our class, there were 80 that showed up, some with their spouses, but most stag.  Our school was known for it's drinking, and it made sense that we had an open bar from 5:30 until midnight.  For fun, they had a photo booth set up, had a DJ and they were doing a few raffles as well.  After we were served our salad, we were invited to the buffet and then homemade cookies by some of the girls in the class.  For $55.00, it was a great night out.  Julie, Pam and Kim reprised their role as the Andrew Sisters and sung 'Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy'.

Facebook really took a lot of the pressure off in a few different ways.  You kind of knew some of the people that were coming and what they looked like from their pictures... so there weren't really any much-anticipated surprises (like maybe you expected someone to have grown a 3rd appendage or something, were as big as a house or had 15 kids).  If anything, it was surprising to see the ones that haven't aged a bit... like they were cryogenically dipped in some preservative (those bitches, most of them guys).  I really didn't fit in anywhere in high school and I was one of the kids that didn't belong to a lot of groups and just worked a few jobs.  It was pretty clickish still.... the jocks... the nerds... the burn-outs... the smarties (which is who we hung with, barely qualifying with my honors status, as opposed to high honors).  I never realized how much these people made my school years bearable... we had a great time. 

There were a few things that I felt throughout the night... feeling old... feeling like I coulda/shoulda done more with myself... looking for the popular approval still... was missing my youth... wanting to get out of there an hour into it like the sociophobe that I am... but it was a good exercise.  I have no regrets, am thankful for my life and where/who I am and have nothing to prove.  It was nice to go and I'm glad that Julie and Laurie were right there with me the whole time, but I will probably not go to the next one.  Sometimes you just have to turn the page.

Look Out, Romy and Michelle...

Tomorrow night is my 25th high school reunion... I'm all ready... I have the outfit and the attitude...

These are my senior portraits... I graduated high school in 1985... these pics were part of the 'glamour shots' package... it was all the rage at the time. In the pic with the red sweater, you can really see my perm... I used to get it banged out every so often... I would run home and wash it immediately (a hair don't)... then I would blow dry it out with a round brush, but I would leave the back curly and longer (because I was just that cool). Provocative poses for a teen...

Fall?

It's 90 degrees- I just took a 12 mile bike ride on the Montour Trail and now I am lying under a tree in the park. What change of season?

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For The Same Old GOP Message, Press Play (Again)

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-september-23-2010/postcards-from-the-pledge

Don't Know if I'm Coming or Going

I was anchoring too much to the closing today (end of the week, turning over a new leaf, moving on, closure, financial relief) that I don't even know what to do with myself today now that it's been post-poned.  For the first time in a long time, I feel the same feeling I used to get when you were waiting to hear whether you got a job or not... especially when it happened on a Friday and you knew nothing was going to happen on the weekend.  I have been building up to today for over 6 weeks (or really, almost two years) and now, I'm not sure that I'm not going to go mad until it's rescheduled.

With the mounting pressure of all of this, I can't help but feel the need for escape.  I've been a pressure cooker for the last two years waiting for the closing and now I have to wait more time.  I'm not the kind of person that runs from problems, but when they are solved, I long for some down time.  I love the open road... so much so that I actually considered being a truck driver (except that I like taking a bath a few times a day, don't know any dirty ho's that would ride with me and I have all my teeth (some in a box that I would keep on the dashboard, but still)).  Recently, I have thought about getting a little 17' travel trailer that I could pull with my truck and be able to just get in and go... or go to camp with it for a couple weekends a year.  The idea of freedom on wheels is very appealing.  I found one in Indiana, PA but the guy is either the worst salesman ever or doesn't want to sell it after all, since he can't seem to figure out a time for me to see it.  (UPDATE:  The trailer was sold)

Truck Gets a Day of Beauty

With having my truck almost a year now , it was time for a day of beauty including a state inspection and oil change and new tie rods (as a result of the inspection). Other than getting a speeding ticket and going to the dentist, there's nothing worse than wasting time waiting for your car to be repaired.  $270 and 8 hours later, it's done for another year.  The notice was hanging in their garage...

As far as the house goes, I still don't have a time for the closing tomorrow...  (UPDATE:  The closing has been post-poned until next week now since the buying couple isn't married, and the bank wants a copy of the guy's divorce papers).

What's Up With DADT?

Yesterday, a bill failed to pass that would have repealed the Don't Ask, Don't Tell legislature... mainly because the Republicans purposely didn't want it to be passed so that the President couldn't scratch it off his 'to do' list and it looks like there's any change happening... because we all know that's not what the Republicans want.  The bill was attached (on purpose) to a defense budget authorization bill which included a pay raise for soldiers in an attempt to get it to slide through, but it didn't work.  Since it's inception (17 years ago), over 13,000 soldiers were discharged and a large majority of them were 'squealed' on.  This is just another example of how backward we are as a country.  With all the things that are going on in the country/world, this is what we focus on.  I guess there would be too many random dry-humps going on in the middle of battle because, as you know, the gays just can't keep it in their pants... even when being shot at.  They feel that it would be a distraction in battle.  How about having girls in the military in some 500 to 1 ratio... like that's not going to create problems.  The only hope to repeal now is through the court system.

And for those wondering why it's such a big deal... and why do the gays have to push their 'agenda'... it's because of this...

Yesterday, following the DADT repeal fail, Joe Jervis received a comment on his blog that read "All faggots must die". Joe began tracing the IP address of the comment, (its author identified himself as Jimmy) and discovered that it came from the Atlanta office of Senator Saxby Chambliss,(Republican).  If we didn't have to worry about walking down the street and being killed, then it wouldn't be such a big deal, I suppose.

In honor of the defeat... I thought I would cheer the day up by making it gay... We're here, we're queer... and we're not going anywhere...  We're all around, in everything... and we're going to steamroll the country with our 'gay agenda'... making everything colorful and fun and campy... look out!!