YUM !! Cowpokes

It's a Bit Nipply Outside

On this chilly morning (of 30 degrees)... I can't help but be filled with warmth for my friend Matt... who is in Florida... so, it's with great love that I send this message to him:

Enjoy your vacation (bitch)... I hope you have a great (not) day... and the rays of the sun come down and caress your skin like (sunburn) the hands of an angel... and you get refreshed by the bite of (a crab) the warm Gulf waters... and the wind blows (sand) at your back...and you experience some of the local (vagrants) people and cuisine (seagull droppings) and get a taste of (salmonella) the south in all it's glory. Before you know it, we'll be welcoming (with shotguns at the gate) you back to in our embrace (around your neck).  Only the best for you, my friend (pain in the ass).

No Wonder I Didn't Have an Interest in Seeing This Movie

How Much Is Enough (Sleep)?

Yesterday, at or around 5 o'clock, I laid down since I was up pacing the floors with my family drama and didn't get much sleep the night before.  I'm not a napper... most times it sneaks up on me... I get a feeling of tiredness and I'm like, 'ok, are we going go there now?'... and I make a choice to either get up and keep moving or give in (rarely).  It's hard for me to stop thinking.  I shut my phone off and quickly tried to lie down while the feeling was still there... and I did... for 15 hours straight.  I just woke up with 8 messages on my phone from people wondering what happened to me, especially since my phone is never off.  I guess my body had had enough from the last week or so.  I was upset to find when I looked in the mirror this morning, that the 'beauty sleep' myth was exactly that... a myth...   So the question is... how much sleep do I need to get to be a 'pretty little' (something I used to call my dog)?

It's amazing what life throws at us and somehow we are able to process it and move through it, sometimes better for it... sometimes scarred or damaged.  Growing up with my brother as a negative role model put so much pressure on me to be the good one.  I graduated with honors in high school while working two jobs, I moved to a big city and was successful in business without a degree, I stayed away from excessive drinking... never did any drugs (other than a smoke of the whacky tobacky, and I waited until my Mother passed away to do it)... never smoked... and, now, my brother and nephew are going through their messes (45 and 24 years old)... and my Dad at 82... I have become the parent for all of them.  I never signed up for it.  And with my own internal struggles, I am forced to be the face of reason and responsibility when I wish that I could curl up in a ball sometimes myself... and did, post Vegas, and I'm still guilting myself out for failing, being human and falling apart.

I don't think my situation is any different than anyone elses and I'm not trying to make myself out to have such a hard life (although being gay, adopted, losing a parent and beloved pet, taking care of another parent, and having an addicted brother/nephew has the makings).  I'm not a saint nor do I have any super powers... I'm just trodding along like the rest of us.  I'm only a man... do I  not bleed when I get pricked by a jagger bush?  Do I not smell when I step in dog poop?  Do I not break into hives when I wear the color brown?  Do I not shriek in horror at the sight of a weed?  We all have our things.  And although my friend spoke the truth yesterday (in rapid-fire procession), his delivery was at a point where I couldn't take any more.  A hug would have been better. So I hung up on the bitch.  In his defense, he has taken care of an ailing parent, and the reality is, it is what it is.  At least mine isn't ailing yet... just a bit whacky.

Again, with no super powers or God complex (cause I'm sure I'll get hate comments for this parody), this song (at the risk of sounding pretentious and full of myself)  is one that I can relate to... it almost has the power to make me cry, like someone understands.  And so, I dedicate this to all my friends going through their life... trying to fly through the shit storm without coming out a smelly mess on the other side...

Dog Day Afternoon

Out Here on my Own...

You know if I'm posting puppy pics, shit's not going well.  In hindsight, I should have posted the pics first, then I probably wouldn't have went on a rant.  Sucks to be you, the reader.

There's a definite disadvantage to putting your (almost) every thought on a blog.  And while other people have random thoughts thoughout their day that may prove them to be flighty, mental, or unstable (to name a few), mine are all out there in real time and I don't have the luxury of hiding my crazy.  As a result, what I share over a broad range of people (friends, strangers in Australia, family)... is more than likely going to come back to bite me in the ass in one fashion or another.  Add to it my Facebook account (which I just deactivated) where I don't share as much as on here, but try to keep it funny in my remarks. 

The other day, I was bitching about how my business is all or nothing and there's no easing into it.  On Facebook, I made a comment about weekends... and how from Nov - Feb I don't notice the weekends because I'm not working... but now, I don't know what a weekend is... being that if it's a nice day out, I'm working.  I don't get to take Saturdays off because it's Saturday... that means nothing to my world... especially when Camp opens and I'll be doing another 10+ hours a weekend of massages.  The point is (and there is one)... I constantly have to justify my work schedule.

Last night, I found out that the line of credit which my Dad co-signed (secured with his house) for my nephew in 2007 was racked up to close to $8000, then not paid for 5 months going into default... and being that it was a National City credit  account that was bought out by PNC Bank, and my Dad has an account at PNC, they attached it to my Dad's account and proceeded to take out $620 for payments my nephew didn't make, with an additional $465 coming out in a week. I manage his accounts and I have never seen this loan before.  It just popped up and I realized this at 2am.  Being exhausted from the last 8 days I was ready for a great night's sleep, but I got so fired up and wanted to go in and beat my Dad senseless since he has gotten himself into so much debt and trouble trying to help out my brother and nephew (co-signing on a government student loan, the govt. sending the whole $24k to my nephew, my nephew dropping out of school a month later not telling anyone and proceeding to blow the money, mostly on 2 DUI lawyer defenses, and now it's in default as well).  These occurances with my nephew and brother are nothing new, and these are tame compared to some of the other stuff.

Here's where it comes back to bite me... I was mentioning these things to a friend of mine this morning and I was, curtly, told that I shouldn't bitch about being tired after being off for 4 months... and that I agreed to take care of my Dad, so I have no room to bitch about that either... and while all that may be true and is the stark reality, I had to hang up on him because I just couldn't take another bashing, since it feels like I get it from all sides in a never-ending barrage.  Just when I make some progress on getting things done/cleared up/resolved... it's like the dam with 12 holes in it and I only have 10 fingers... and while it's obvious that my Dad, brother and nephew have all their fingers up their own asses, I know they don't have any free fingers to help me stop up the holes.  I don't want help as much as just no more cause of a shit storm, which come one after another.  It's difficult to sit back and watch my family beat each other up, use each other and treat each other like crap... all the while, I try to keep things in order and get nothing but stress out of it for being the good one and they all have gotten or are getting what they want and not thinking a thing about it... I'm left holding the bag.

I don't cry often, but today (that was supposed to be filled with sleep, pancakes, a bad chick-flick and stale Peeps (not that high of expectations)) turned into anything but and I almost lost it.  I'm not a selfish person, but where's mine?  When is it my turn?  Where's my peace... and piece of the pie?  I orginally started this blog to be able to vent... but if I do on here any more, it's not entertaining enough... if I vent to said friend, I get bashed... I don't have a boyfriend and it's already obvious that there's no empathy/sympathy from my family (especially with issues that involve me cleaning up their mess)... so, with all those outlets shut off, I feel alone.  I will have to start another blog just to be able to bitch again. 

The picture is of me with my head on fire and my Dad and brother wondering why.

Teflon Tim

After a surprisingly entertaining evening last night on American Idol, tonight proved to be even more shocking.  With Tim in the bottom three pretty much every week, it was amazing that he wasn't even in the bottom three this week.  Sporting a more straightened hair-do and flipping it around, as well as smiling... and smiling... and.... anyway, it must have worked, because he was safe.  What happened next proves that you can't coast on the show, thinking you will be there.  The bottom three were Andrew, Aaron and Big Mike... and the one with the lowest votes... was Big Mike.  Having to sing for his life... the judges used the one-time save and he'll be back next week.  Not so good news for the others if they need the save.  Meanwhile, almost dropping Tim for  (a very flirty ) Lee last night, it's almost worth hanging in there to see how long Tim can pull through.

Tomorrow, it's all-about-me day... filled with all of my favorite things... starting with decent sleep.  Next will be my Dad's pancakes... for lunch, my favorite Chinese place... followed by catching up on my magazines/coffee and finally opening my mail (after about 10 days)... I have a box of Peeps opened and getting stale (yum) and I may treat myself to the Miley Cyrus chick-flick with her hunky new bf, The Last Song. 

Vacation...

I just sat down and tallied the hours that I have put in at the Marriott... in the last 8 days straight, I spent 102 hours working on this project... the project that required me to start before my contract started... and take about a month's worth of cleanup and compress it into 6 days because they were having a couple of big-wigs come in today at 2 p.m..  THIS IS THE KICKER.... (wait for it).... (wait for it)............ they didn't show up!!  All these hours and rushing though it for NOTHING. 

With them wanting everything to be in bloom... and my trek around town to find annuals to there'd be color (being laughed at by the nurseries and even the checkout girl at Home Depot), no one wants to listen to me that it's only the first week of April.  Although today it was 83, it's going down into the 30's and may possibly snow late tomorrow night. 

I told them if the big-wigs do show up, tell them that the landscaper is on vacation.... at a Hilton, Doubletree... or Hyatt.  I sure as hell won't be anywhere near that place for the next couple of days.

(By the way, I am not responsible for the placement of the tulips in the pictures... the idiots before me randomly threw the bulbs... I wouldn't do such haphazard plantings... at the end of the season, I plan to replant them with some sort of semblance)

Yesterday...

Truly, a miserable day... between the sun, 10 yards of mulch, a ticking clock and my brother's diarreah of the mouth... it wasn't a pleasant day.  The only thing that made the day was two guests who told the shuttle driver that they couldn't believe how manicured the place was for the beginning of April... fortunately, the driver told the G.M., so that was good.  Things are just beginning to pop out of the ground and grow in from ripping so much out last year that was overgrown.  Along with crapping mulch, I think clients think that I have a light switch that I flip that turns on the growing cycle... and that there's a variable dimmer to speed the process.  They've got this thing with 'give me color'... 'make it pop'.... how about I pop you in the nose and you land in Florida, where there's color all year around.  Not only did my two landscaping nurseries laugh at me, but also the clerk at the Home Depot when I asked them where the annuals were.  I know it's too early, especially with it going from 83 degrees today down to 35 this weekend... but I found some annual scraps and will be planting them today... it's like marching them to their graves and then shooting them.  Oh, the innocent.  I hope the big-wig guy today appreciates it... and also has a lick of sense to realize that it's Pittsburgh in April.  We've got the only mulch, cut grass and annuals in town...

In completely senseless news, it was a good night on American Idol.... with Lennon and McCartney being the theme, it's an easy enough genre to sleep your way through singing the songs... but it was still entertaining and quite good.  With Tim being in the bottom 3 for the last ? weeks, it would appear that his smile may not help him through this week, although he did get praise.  It was a good 'Tim' night.  Still, I am thinking of dropping him as a BF and from the company.  Plus, Lee was winking at me during his performance, so... there's that.  We'll see.

YUM !! (Tattoos)

I haven't posted a YUM lately... so here's a little bit extra... it's a tattoo buffet!

Progress (Not)

DISCLAIMER:  (especially for my anonymous hater)  This is going to be a bitch session post...

I haven't been posting much this past week... I've been at the client's 6 days straight trying to get them ready for a big-wig visit... so it's been ten+ hour days... I'll be there for the next two as well before I head back over to my Dad's to continue on the kitchen to get the house listed.  I found out today that my cousin can't buy it now... so it's back on me to get it done.  Meanwhile, my Dad has done nothing over there for the last 6 days... and was supposed to at least get some of the trash down to the road for pickup... but didn't.  He made it to the horseshoe courts tonight though.  Priorities.

I've said this before... even though this is my blog, I have to watch how I bitch about stuff... for a few reasons... first, the anonymous hater will call me to the carpet, although they are not in my life on a daily basis and have no idea what my life is about... secondly, coming off of 4 months of no landscaping, it's hard for me to complain about how exhausted I am from all the strenuous work I have to do.  The problem is that I don't get to ease into it... maybe lie under a tree and pick dandelions, etc... I wish.  It goes right into removing 16 pine trees, stump and all, and about 10 bushes... doing a month's worth of Spring cleanup (grass cutting, edging, weeding, trimming trees/bushes) in 7 days... 10 yards of mulch being delivered tomorrow at 7 a.m.... with another 50-60 yards coming next week to finish the whole property... Lastly, with my Dad being older, it's hard for me to bitch about him not doing anything.  If I don't do it, it doesn't get done... including cleaning his rooms and bathroom and changing his bedclothes (what is it with old people and not changing sheets?).  Unless you are taking care of an elderly parent (living with you, no less), it's hard to understand.  What's funny (not really) about it is it's my Dad's house... in the mess that he (and my brother) left it... with my Dad's stuff in it... and selling it for his retirement... and yet neither of them are around doing anything.  I'm drowning over here.

Do I think the grass is greener somewhere else or doing something else?  Hell no.  I love my job.  I love being outdoors... nobody telling me what to do... even the physical nature of the business.  I'm just older now... I can't catch up on my sleep... my body isn't as cooperative as it used to be... and my energy is just gone.  Add to it, trying to renovate/clean the other house and maintain this one... no matter what, I don't have the choice but to push through.  Shit isn't going to happen on it's own. 

Ok, I'm done now.

Saturday Cartoons

The simple things in life were always the best... nothing like waking up early on a Saturday morning to sit down in front of the TV to watch some cartoons.  The rest of my family would be asleep and I would get the paper from the back porch and read the funnies and watch the shows.  Life was so simple then.

My favorites were the ones that were narrated... the humor is so dry... it's hilarious even still... I especially like (and vividly remember) the scene at 2:16 where the woman feeds the monkey.

Hoppy Bunny Day!

Easter Dinner @ Yahoo! Video

Lux Aurumque

Thanks to Jaydog for showing me this... Great for Easter...

Eric Whitacres "Lux Aurumque"

Happy Easter

I hope everyone has a great Easter!  Beware the chocolate egg on the lawn... it could be poop.

Just Say No

Video of Carrie in Truck at Concert (audio sucks)

All-American Girl...

The concert tonight was awesome.  Opening the show was Sons of Silvia... then Craig Morgan... then Carrie came on.  I was completely entertained for 3.5 hours and just sat there, sort of starstruck.  I know I've said this before, but Carrie Underwood is the epitome of what every girl in this country should strive for... she is everything pure, honest and good.  With a fantastic career... a wonderful voice... a great family... a handsome boyfriend (fiance?)... she has it all... and deserves it all.  It's great to see someone make it to the top for being good... not being a little whore, like... oh, I don't know.... Miley Cirus?  That hot-pants wearing, gravely smoker's raspy voiced little harlequin... she doesn't even come close to Carrie as a role model.

Straight from American Idol season winner status... a grammy or two (et al)... and Grand Ole Opry induction... she put on quite a show!  With at least 10 outfit changes (girl likes to bang out some rhinestones and show her killer legs), coming up from the floor, down from a swing, across on a flying pickup truck (see the pics, it was suspended from wires and she was in the back of it as it moved over the audience on a track, from one end of the stage to the other), singing in a lit up dress... there was so much fabulousness going on... I thought I would pop my Easter bonnet.  She sang about 15 songs... and although it wasn't a hoot-n-hollerin', jump out of your seat type concert (mainly because she has so many ballads in her collection), like when I went to Reba/Kelly Clarkson (of course I was drunk off my ass, had a cowboy hat on and took off my plaid shirt and twirled over my head like a lasso (not one of my prouder moments))... it was just what I needed after a long day.  Below are some shots from my phone of some of the sets.... you couldn't really see her... it was difficult to get a good shot with everything moving and the lights flashing.

I Love You, Carrie.

GOING TO SEE CARRIE UNDERWOOD TONIGHT!!!  Me, Matt and all the other little gay boys and straight little girls.  I will probably throw a pair of my panties on the stage... or maybe I should just go for flowers or a teddy bear?  Anyway, after a day of being baked in the sun... it should make for a nice night!!  Another great day at the Marriott.

Looks like Tim squeaked by another week on AI... my team is working overtime to keep him in the game.  Keep smiling Tim... don't worry about hitting the notes... get another shirtless pic up on the internet... Momma needs you to make it through another week!

Happy April Fool's Day!