Sitting Idol

I have to admit that, with all the changes this year, I was putting off watching the three hours of the first two audition cities.  The beginning process is often belaboring, getting to know people that don't make it to Hollywood or beyond or putting up with all the freaks who want their ten minutes of fame doing some idiotic stunt.  Again, with the changes in the layout and the judges, I wasn't looking forward to it.  It wasn't as bad as I thought.

I really enjoy Steven Tyler's ability to tell someone no without smashing their dream, although he needs to basically keep his dick in his pants with every 17 year old in a skirt that walks out onto the stage.  Jennifer Lopez is the replacement for Paula and she fits right in, not being able to say no to anyone, crying during someone's song and basically being the softee.  Randy is Randy... nothing has changed.  The three seem to get along very well and you feel that there's a level of knowledge between them that is believable.

As far as the talent goes, no one blew my skirt up, although they only show you what they want you to see.  I hope they're keeping all the good ones hidden until Hollywood, because it looked kind of grim.  None of them had any real soul (how much can you expect from a 15 year old that hasn't lived enough yet).  The standouts were Jovany Barreto (possibly my new bf) for his smooth latino notes (and his smooth chest, since he removed his shirt to reveal a six pack and a bag of chips to nibble on... yum!)... Paris Tassin with her beauty, voice and story of raising her special needs child (that made Jennifer cry)... and lastly, a short, stocky little 15 year old (I don't know his name) that had a voice that didn't fit his image/body/age, but I bet will be the one to beat.

All-in-all, we'll have to wait through the rest of the auditions and the Hollywood eliminations and then the new formatting to get a good feel for it.  Damn it.... I'm hooked again.

Epic Journey

It's 6 degrees here right now and I'd be bitching about it had I not seen the movie The Way Back tonight.  Starring Colin Farrell and Ed Harris, it chronicles the escape of a small group of multi-national prisoners from a Siberian gulag in 1940 and their epic life-affirming journey over four thousand miles on foot across five hostile countries in the middle of the Stalin communist regime.  Through forty below blinding blizzards of Siberia, dry deserts of Mongolia, over mountains and the Himalayas, they kept pushing through almost a year to gain freedom, enduring little food, shelter or water, some of them dying along the way.  Truly a testament to man's will to survive.  Even filthy dirty, hungry and exhausted, Colin Farrell looked hot!!

CASINO WIN

I JUST WON $108.00 AT THE CASINO PLAYING SEX IN THE CITY

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Flighty As The Wind

Despite Pittsburgh being a town in the snow belt, I guess it still shocks me how stupid people can be.  We finally got the snow storm they talked about, but only about 3 or 4 inches... no big deal, right?  Wrong!  After my first day back at the gym yesterday (where I burned 500 calories doing cardio (isn't that how many calories are in a Tic-Tac?)), I decided to go back out to Barnes and Noble for my skinny hazelnut latte, figuring I'd be snowed in for 3 weeks.  The roads started to get bad right around the time they predicted, so I flipped it in four-wheel drive and headed for home, coming up on a young man (cute... would I have stopped otherwise?  We'll never know) who managed to run his 1993 Olds Cutlass Ciera off the road, taking out a row of shrubs and a fire hydrant, with his bald-as-Telly-Savalas tires to blame.  Long story short, home owner comes out and apparently the same thing happened a month prior, so he was all ready.  I got my towing chain, we got the police to stop traffic and he towed it out with his manly-muscle Chevy truck.  I truly had big truck envy, since I don't think my V6 would have done the trick so easily... The lesson:  I should-a had a V8 (sorry, couldn't resist).  Fortunately, they make hydrants break-away now, so there wasn't a ton of water shooting up.

I did our driveway this morning and then went over to my Aunt's house.  She has to get out of the house or she gets more batshit crazier than she already is, so needless to say, she was antsy in anticipation of my arrival, standing there when I pulled in.  While I love the snow blower, success really depends on the wind and the layout of the driveway, since not having anywhere to shoot the snow makes it hard and shooting snow in the wind, much like peeing in the wind, doesn't provide a good outcome (unless you go for that sort of thing).  I'm wet, tired and ready for taking in a movie or two today.  Probably go see Ashton's new one... the one with all the gratuitous sex... and another one with Matt later on this evening.

Life Imitating Art

For those of you die-hard readers, you probably remember when I started out this blog and it was called Trouble in my Bubble.  I'm not sure how the name popped into my head at the time, I just know that I had a lot of angst about the direction of my life and the things going on.  In the height of it, I had a little bit of a stalker and hater situation going on, so, to give them the slip, I had to change the name to Ruminations of My Own Vacuity, which literally translates 'pondering my emptiness'.  At that time, I had started to really disect my issues, one by one, and as short lived as the name lasted before I changed it again, so was the period that I realized that I had to do something and acted upon it.  Now, with Another Mile Marker, I am making strides, day by day, mile by mile to a better version of myself.  Interesting how the name changes progressively happened without thought to the whole picture at the time.

I've accomplished a lot over the last couple of years and continue to do so.  Eleven days into my new way of eating and 9 pounds lighter, I feel amazing... although I still have a ways to go.  Having just gotten back from the gym after a hesitant start, I'm hoping that it will provide the energy and excitement needed to make this a best year ever not only in personal growth, but in expanding my friend base and growing my businesses.  I'm happy with the progression in my life.

Wise Words From Roger (A Reader)

Cue Circus Big-Top Theme for the Juggler

Going from the self-proclaimed 'Year of the Wiener' last year (coming to terms with my body and nudity) to this year's theme, 'No Means No', I have entered into a no bullshit zone, pushing back on situations where I am taken advantage in one way or another or when boundaries are overstepped.  In the past, I would simply put myself last, and I'm not doing it any more.  I have had success in not accepting behaviors from my brother (and he is doing well in rehab), my nephew (who is doing well in his new apartment and job and paying his obligations) and with a few friends, so it obviously doesn't help anyone to accept that behavior.

Life is hard to juggle, but most difficult seems to be relationships, be it love interest or friendships, with family bringing up the rear (or fucking you up the proverbial rear, as the case may be).  We are all so very different and taking into consideration each other's baggage, personalities, weaknesses, quirks, and habits and it's a wonder that we're all not walking around slugging each other, let alone carrying on productive interactions.  To act with poor behavior is bad, and accepting it from others is just as bad.  It's a give and take... but too often, either side is taking too much and not giving.  Honesty, self-reflection and responsibility are some of the things that have to be present for it to work.

While I am constantly trying to examine and better myself and make necessary changes, I know that I am not an easy person.  The complexity that I rarely understand about myself doesn't help matters.  For instance, I give a lot, and expect a lot and I'm often disappointed.  I recognize that this, among other characteristics, holds me back in my relationships.  I feel good about my thought process with it though... in that the saddest part for me is not the lack of being able to find a decent person, but rather in the realization that I will never let it happen any way, often holding people at arm's length.  That makes me lonely... but not a bitter, projecting loneliness, so I guess that's good.  I'm still under construction... one of these days, I will get it right.

Here Comes The Bride...

Well, it's that time of year again... for me to pick a husband.  You probably recall my postings over the last two seasons about the troubled and twisted relationships that I had with Kris Allen... and then the following year when I was dating both little Tim Urban and Lee Dywyze (until I finally settled for Lee).  Two years in a row, I picked the winners and carried on tumultuous affairs with them until I had to cast them aside (especially when their careers became stagnant (i.e. tanked)).  Momma didn't raise no fool.

This season promises much change.  Gone are Simon, Ellen and the other girl (who cares what her name was) and in comes lips (Steven Tyler) and ass (Jennifer Lopez).  Along with judge changes, there are some changes to the lineup, the mentors, song category selections and the way they're doing the tryouts.  The only thing that stayed the same is teeth (Ryan Seacrest) and glasses (Randy Jackson)... and probably jammed-down-your-throat product placement from Ford, Coke and ATandT.

But back to the bigger question... who will be my boyfriend this year?  Time will only tell.  I have indicated that I am receptive to an offer and have cleared the month of May for a wedding... and I am, afterall, me (one of my favorite lines from Sigourney Weaver as the bitchy Katherine Parker in the 1988 motion picture comedy Working Girl (of which Melanie Griffith won a Golden Globe for Best Actress and Sigourney for Best Supporting Actress).

Fun Had By All at High School Bar Crawl

Good Time to be a Homosexical

Maybe There Is Hope

Today, the day after Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, the Supreme Court rejected an appeal by opponents of marriage equality to put the decision up for public vote in D.C., which was the 6th jurisdiction in the U.S. to permit same-sex marriages after it passed the Religious Freedom and Marriage Equality Act of 2009.

The Supreme Court’s denial of certiorari today leaves standing a D.C. Court of Appeals decision issued last October that determined the Council acted within its authority when more than thirty years ago it established a requirement that proposed ballot initiatives may not authorize, or have the effect of authorizing, discrimination prohibited by the D.C. Human Rights Act. The Court further held that an initiative on same-sex marriage would impermissibly permit discrimination against gays and lesbians in the District.

With today’s decision from the Supreme Court, marriage equality opponents have reached the end of their legal wrangling. The D.C. Board of Elections, Superior Court, Court of Appeals and now the U.S. Supreme Court have rejected their meritless and tired arguments that they should be permitted to impose a discriminatory ballot measure on D.C. voters.

Bridging the Gap

Pittsburgh really is a beautiful city.  Once the steel making capital of the world, it has gone to more greener industry like health-care and technology.  Voted the 'Most Livable' city more than a few times, the record that it does hold is the city with the most bridges in the world.  Boasting 3 more than Venice, Italy, Pittsburgh (city proper) has a whopping 446 bridges.  Add to it three new stadium/arenas, a state-of-the-art convention center, a casino and various sports and history museums, and you can see the progress we've made away from the dirty, old steel town towards a big small-town charm.

To Be Young Again

At Christmas, my friend Robin gave me some gifts to inspire thoughts of my childhood and one of them was a model car.  I used to love to build them, but at this point in my life, I thought between the tedium of the small pieces, my plummeting level of patience and my failing eyesight, I was sure to go mad in the process (which may have been her plan (lol)), so I exchanged it.  I consider myself pretty crafty and, in my heyday, would do all sorts of things from painting to cross-stitch to macrame to wreath making, etc... and Jesse and I would do all sorts of fun stuff... but it was clear, after spending almost two hours trying to come up with some project to do within the exchange and within the parameters of my sanity that I wasn't as crafty as I had thought.  I picked up a travel Yahtzee game which will be great for my upcoming trip and at camp... and a crystal growing box kit, which I've always wanted to try but was afraid I'd poke an eye out or disfigure or dismember myself with the chemicals.  After following the rather complex directions and letting it sit for a few weeks... voila!!! 

If you click on the pictures and then click again, it magnifies the view.... what's really awesome is the rock was propped up in a plastic box, so when the crystals grew, they're now holding the rock up and it appears to be suspended

Tick, Tick, Ticking...

Every once in a while, I watch the show Intervention which follows the life of a drug addict ultimately setting them up for an intervention from their family at the end and hopefully getting them into treatment (which never works).  With all that we've been through with my brother, the show usually sets me off and I'm not sure why I put myself through it.  Perhaps I'm looking for something to tell my Dad to get him to understand the process... perhaps I'm looking to see that someone else's family member was able to pull themselves out of it... or perhaps I'm looking for the addict to show some respect or remorse for what they've put the family through and in turn, live vicariously through them since I have never seen that from my brother.

Coincidentally, while I was watching that (and had just gotten off the phone with one of my brother's friends who, if you recall, stole a check from his sister, forged it and they got my Dad to cash it, only for it to bounce and we still haven't seen the money, and I have to file charges today), there was a knock on the door.  I looked outside and, in a split second, recognized the car from the last time I saw my brother... the guy was supposedly just driving by and picked him up while he was walking here when he wanted a ride to a shelter (i.e. he ultimately wanted money).  After I came back down to take him, he said that guy was going to take him.  I remember thinking that it must have been one of his friends who brought him here thinking he was going to score money and they could go get some drugs, like what's happened so many times before.  Anyway, this guy comes to the door with his son, a Bible in-hand and bearing a cross and wanted to talk to us about my brother, to get a better understanding.  Immediately, I could feel my blood pressure rise, especially as he didn't seem to have a purpose other than to see how God could help who, if you subscribe to that line of thinking, already 'helped' out quite a bit in my brother's situation.  All of the work that I had done to achieve a sense of peace was quickly unraveling as my poor Dad, confused as to who this person was and what he wanted (thinking that the rehab place sent him at ten o'clock at night to gain understanding), was standing there dredging up the past, becoming frustrated and angry himself, and I enraged as it went on.  Were it not for him bringing his 4 year old with him, I would have thrown him out earlier followed by a few explicatives.  To make matters worse, he said that, while in his car, my brother admitted that there was nothing else that my Dad and I could do to help him and that he was remorseful for all that he had done.  Bullshit.  My brother was conniving his next move.  I've seen it all before and it's nice that he can tell a total stranger that in a 10 minute car ride, but can't say that to us unless he wants something.

While I couldn't really come up with the guy's reason for being here (and why you'd bring your small child into a possible volitile situation that you know nothing about), if he was here just to try to help, then it's nice to see.  But despite my disbelief in religion, who do you think you are poking your nose in a situation where your only insight has been that of a tweaked user who will lie and say anything to get what he wants?  On top of that, a Bible and cross and twenty-some years of life doesn't make you an expert in family counseling or drug rehabilitation... certainly if 4 times in jail and 7 times in rehab hasn't been able to do it, this kid (who couldn't have been more than 30) isn't going to be able to say a few 'hail Mary's' and fix everything. 

Exciting my Dad or offering him some false hope isn't therapeutic.  And while my Dad was quick to open up, being confused as to why the guy was here to begin with, I don't think that was the avenue to explore finding more peace... in fact, it did just the opposite. 

This is how my brother, even held up in a rehab facility, can bring a shit-storm of anguish upon us.

Happy Martin Luther King Day

I can't help but think what a great man he was... a champion for peace, honesty and what's right.  Not to take away from the strong, black brother and sister today, but I also can't help but be selfish and wish that we had our rights... to marry... legal rights... medical rights... and rights of survivorship.  And while none of them really pertain to me at this point in my life, it's still unsettling that as a white male, I have every right in the world... but when you add love into the equation, those rights are stripped and you are less than whole.

The 'gay agenda' that you hear people talk about is just basic human rights.  We're not asking for any special priviledges.  MLK, Jr. spoke of America not making good on it's promise (promisory note) and the check written returned for non-sufficient funds.  I am not 'non-sufficient'... I am a law-abiding, tax-paying, productive member of society... make good on my check, bitch!

It's Nano Your Business What I'm Listening To...

From Country Strong... the Golden Globe-nominated song, Coming Home, sung by Gwenyth Paltrow... 

Spit It Out...

I'm not one for tradition, formality or pomp and circumstance, so it's no wonder that I don't get the British monarchy.  You couldn't pay me enough to step into the position of King.  Nonetheless, I loved the King's Speech, which I saw tonight.  Such a great cast giving award-worthy performances.  With a balance of staunch realness, historical acuracy and, yes, even some British comedy... it's a wonderful way to spend a few hours.  Sadly, as I write this (with the Golden Globes on my TV), Geoffrey Rush didn't get best supporting actor... but maybe an award for Colin Firth?  (UPDATE:  Yeah!!)

Today marks the 7th day of the diet and I lost 9 pounds, so far.  I have no more cravings and barely think about the food and drink that I'm not putting in my mouth.  I think my stomach has shrunk, because I can't and don't want to eat as much.

UPDATE:  Congrats to the songs from Country Strong (Gwenyth's closing song) and Burlesque (both Christina's song and Cher's (which won)!!... and to Chris Coffer from Glee for winning Best Supporting (gay) Actor in a comedy... and Jane Lynch for Best Supporting (gay)Actress... and Glee for Best Comedy Show (gayest show on TV) and The Kids are Alright (gayest lesbian movie ever)

Things Are Not As They Seem

Win, Lose or Draw

I went across the street to the bar last night and hung out with people from high school.  After our reunion back in October, we had a little gathering at another bar right before Christmas.  It's nice to reminisce about the olden days, and it helped that they were playing some 80's music on the jukebox.  One of the sports stars was there and I had a crush on him, so it was interesting getting to know him some 25 years later.  We're all just people trying to get through life.  As damaging as high school can be to your reputation and self-confidence, to name a few, being popular and not being popular gets you pretty much to the same place in life.  I had three drinks while I was there, which is a no-no for the diet, with all the sugar in the alcohol.  It apparently did it's harm, because this morning I was pretty much at the same weight as yesterday. 

Today, I'm heading to the RV show.  Not that I'd buy a brand new one, but it's nice to look.  If I do get the job bartending at camp, which I should know about soon, I would be either getting a small employee room or they'd give me free lot rent, which is $2,000/yr.  If I can pick up a cheap trailer, it may be worth my while to do that to utilize the benefit.  It would also be nice to have a small trailer that I could hook up to my truck and take off with across the country.  I have these fantasies of hooking it up, having the dog that I don't have jump in with me and go out on an adventure out west with the time that I don't have in the summer.  There's a lot of the desert area around Utah and Arizona that I'd like to explore... maybe make a campfire, roast a weenus or two (one for me and one for the dog) and sing a round of Kumbaya or some shitty, twangy country song... just like when me and Injun' Joe would head out onto the Plains on our horses spitting chew tobaccy, sharing a sleeping bag at night, holding each other to stay warm, skinny-dipping in the river the next morning and.... oh, wait.... that's another fantasy altogether.

Country Strong

I went to see Country Strong today by myself.  We've seen the story several times in real life (most recently with Britney and Lindsay) and in the movies.... a superstar's fall from grace and attempt to get back on top, but it's the acting of the ensemble that's so wonderful in this one.  Battling alcoholism and a difficult marriage, Kelly Canter (Gwenyth Paltrow) gets out of rehab a little too early, still battling the demons and nay-sayers of her last concert where, drunk, she stumbles over a mic cord and falls off stage, losing her 5 month old baby.  Her husband (Tim McGraw) fights to get her on top again so she doesn't go out in bad light, even though you get the feeling that she doesn't want it any more.  You can't help rooting for her.  While she's no superstar singer herself, she does a great job with the songs and even better capturing the angst of Kelly.  Tim McGraw, who also gave a great performance in the Blind Side, has become one of my favorite actors.  With supporting actors Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester (who give great acting and singing performances), it's a great watch.  There are some dark overtones, however... otherwise, it wouldn't be a country song movie.  I was choked up several times and the ending will leave you speechless.  It's definitely a must-see...