Bears Out Of Hibernation

I went to the Panera Bread today before heading to the beach... I rounded the corner, and there it was, crouched down next to the bushes... the fabled Ft. Lauderdale black bear.  As soon as the weather gets colder (70 degrees or less), they start to come out of hibernation and head into the streets.  This one was more domesticated than the average bear... it had some luggage in tow.

People down here are pretty silly.  For this woman to have pulled out her full-length mink coat (with mink hat to match) is a little ridiculous.  But I guess after being down here for so long, your blood gets thin and you get cold.  I saw someone else with a parka on.  You can definitely tell the tourists from the natives.  Meanwhile, I was in shorts, a T-shirt and flip-flops.

The beach was beautiful today... I didn't even break a sweat and still got a nice tan.  It was fairly dead.

Pesky Weather

I'm so bummed about the weather down here today... it couldn't be worse.  Instead of the normal 80 degrees, it's only going to be 78... there's a slight breeze... and, like a gnat buzzing around, there's this one fluffy cloud floating by that, I'm sure, will hinder my suntanning today at the beach.  Despite the poor weather, I am braving another trip... maybe I'll get lucky and the weather will improve.  The rain that was parked over us, I think, headed North... I hope it doesn't hit all my friends in the Roanoke, D.C., Philly and Pittsburgh areas.  I'd hate for them to get inches upon inches upon inches of snow. 

'Nuff Said

I'll Be Damned

After I decided to extend my trip the other night, I thought I would take a deep breath and take a day off to relax and actually get to the beach for a bit.  I mean, God forbid, I actually catch a break.  After driving almost an hour to get there, I got on the beach for 20 minutes before a storm parked it's ass right over Ft. Lauderdale and Miami for the last two days... it hasn't stopped pouring (bucketloads) since.  We packed it up and went to this place called the Swap Shop.  It's a flea market and indoor cheap good market, with people having booths set up... it's huge, but somehow, all that was in it, shop after shop, was electronics, phone accessories, tennis shoes and sunglasses. 

The weather is taking a turn as well.  Tomorrow, it will only be around 70... and the same for the rest of the week.  On top of that, the evening lows will be getting down to the high 40's/low 50's.  Of course, being from Pittsburgh, this will still be summer for me... I won't even have to break out a long sleeve shirt.  Cue violins.... play sad music for me. 

I went out last night for a bit.  Another Long Island Iced Tea night.  Fortunately, I didn't get wrecked, so I'm in pretty good shape today.  I'm oversaturated with gay life though.  I'm looking forward to just sitting tonight... I have a few movies to watch.  It will be nice.  I'm heading to pick up some friends... we're doing the little girl thing at the mall today, since the humidity and rain are wreaking havoc on my hair. 

Shake Your Groove Thing

This is my favorite holiday clip... I would suggest highly that you close the blinds, turn this on and dance... and I would try everyone's moves... you can't help be happy.

Taking the Easy Way Out

Shadow Seen...

I guess the groundhog saw it's shadow yesterday, because I have another 8 days of Florida now.  Yesterday, with the huge list of things that I have to still do and my time coming to a close, we decided to extend the trip longer.  Now I fly out on the 28th instead of the 20th.  The extra time will allow me to get additional things done as well as actually just relax a bit and maybe get some sun. 

Inappropriate Gifts To Give...

Even the smallest fellow wouldn't appreciate this... it just screams that you are experiencing some sort of fantasy trip and this is a new 'look' for you.

Unless you are giving this as bug and tar remover, it smelled horrible then... and it still does.  I believe that K-mart is the only one that still showcases this in their 'fine gifts' section.  Nothing says old man like Old Spice.  The name alone suggests that it was accidentally concocted from crumbs off the kitchen floor.  Contrary to the ad line, trust me, people will hate you.

First, these back-combed, round-brushed styles are hideous... even the Marge Simpson 'day look'.  And I don't think that I'd want to know that they are human hair... someone else's... just tell me they're a poly-cotton blend.

While your Aunt Hilda, the world-traveler, likes to take a trip... people will think she's trippin' if she shows up in this.  And it looks as though many roads converge in her woo-hoo area.

Dude, Where's My Tan Line?

Yet another beautiful day in paradise... too bad I spent all of it in the condo.  It took four hours just to clean up all the dust off everything in the small room.  What a mess.  I haven't done anything beachy since I've been here... I haven't even laid out in the sun at all.  I'll probably spend two weeks here and be whiter than before I got here.

It appears that D.C. approved the bill for same-sex marriages... it needs to go to a vote next month before it is approved as law.  Of course, all the Republicans are up in arms... guess we're allowed to die for and pay taxes to the country, we just can't live here in peace.

Was Xmas More Fun Back Then?

Not even my gayest friend (and you know who you are) would wear these outfits... did they come with matching valances and a table skirt?

Really?  A gown to decorate the tree?  Nowadays, I'm pretty sure the standard outfit is your underwear (or is that just me?)

She looks like shes experiencing angst over writing the Xmas cards out and isn't excited about it, but her titties say something else.

I wouldn't hold them up so people can see them?  Hello... you both have husbands with fat asses!  Don't be so over-joyed... you two will be scrubbing the tracks out of them.

She's laughing at what shitty gifts she's giving... and everyone else is laughing at her blue eye shadow.

It Stands To Reason

I'm guessing that the published car insurance rate in this ad is not so accurate any more... especially after this silly bitch, riding on the cliff side of a winding road, has her head out the window (while driving) like a Labrador Retriever... tongue flapping in the wind... the road being the last thing she's looking at.  Surely, she must have driven off the cliff.

People down here are bad drivers, to say the least.  You either have the old people who are driving some sort of land-yacht, like a 1979 Lincoln Town Car... or you have the young and zippy in their BMW's, trying to get around the old people.  Sadly for the zippy ones... the weight of the Lincoln beats out a BMW any day... plus, they used real metal to make them back then.  And it's pretty much a given that the blue-hairs won't even realize they've hit anything and will keep going.

I loved the cars of the seventies... besides the real metal, you had rich colors, nice trim, white-walled tires and dice just looked better hanging from a rear-view mirror in cars back then than from a new Accord now.  Plus, when you mashed on the gas, you went somewhere and people got out of your way.  Those were the days... cars were big, insurance was inexpensive, no one cared that your V-8 was burning up the atmosphere and gas was cheap.  Let the good times roll.

Yum !

Spackle High

Today, I'm pretty sure I took in another pound of spackle dust and another one all over me.  I'm almost done in the one room, and I started to remove some of the things in there to clean them... what a mess.  I won't be as aggressive to create a dust storm in the other room, that's for sure.  I woke up this morning with a hacking cough... it didn't hit me until tonight that I was obviously hacking up the wall in between the kitchen and the bedroom from yesterday.  And I'm pretty sure that I got a buzz from it too, which was pretty cool.  I'm starting to get a little worried about getting it done... now that I am definitely leaving at the end of the week. 

I really miss my DVR.  It's like an old friend who cares about me.  I remember when I had my TiVo.  It had this button that, depending on what types of shows you watched, it would start suggesting things to you that you may enjoy.  Don't ask me how, but mine started taping every episode of Matlock and any Jewish program.  I had to turn it off.  My DVR is probably chock full of stuff taped.  It will take forever to get caught up.

A Great Parenting Plan

One of my favorite sayings, with regard to children, is "ill-behaved".  I think that supercedes the terms 'brat', 'terror' and even 'satan's spawn'.  You can't really laugh at it... it's pretty much indisputable as well and it sounds like it comes from someone that sounds like they know what they're talking about.  It's such an inclusive broad sweep of bad behavior, but not overly specific.  If someone said that to you about your child, you'd have to go home and think it over. 

When we were kids, we had 'the look'.  Even if my Mom had to give it to you, you were already screwed.  Out came the wooden spoon and we would get a few good smacks.  Maybe if she actuallly cooked, it would be dirty and we wouldn't get it so much... but we did graduate to the belt. One time, I actually got paddled in school for throwing an eraser at Diane Harbison's head.... it was classic... it left a chalk mark and everything.  There was a cloud of dust like Pigpen from Charlie Brown.  And when it settled, you just knew she was bound to tell.

Point is... kids need a good smack every once in a while.  It was good for us and we turned out ok... ish.   Nowadays, CPS will be knocking down your door before the welts go down, taking your kids, etc.  Is that so bad?  If I had a bad kid, I'd give 'em a good smack just to get someone to take them off my hands (although I'd have to weigh the loss of a tax deduction).  Afterall, it couldn't possibly be my parenting skills, right?  Surely, if I can make a kid, that makes me qualified. For all the things that you need to get a license for, popping out a child isn't one of them. 

My Mom used to say "stop it or I'll give you a reason to cry".... there's no debating or negotiating that... and, again, it worked for us.  Oh... I'm available for babysitting if anyone needs it  (works every time).

I've Written a Letter....

A good number of people know that, when drunk, I sing a rendition of this song from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.

Ho, Ho (ha ha)

I got to read the funnies today, just like it was a Saturday.  I also got a boatload of work done at the condo... I probably breathed in a pound of spackle dust... I'm hoping my wrinkles look better tomorrow.  I was looking into extending my trip here, but the car company needs the car back for Xmas arrivals, so I will be flying out next Sunday, back to Philly... and hopefully staying out there a few days to visit with some people, go up to NYC for a day with my friend Eddie, pick up my massage table from the workshop I attended and then head back to Pittsburgh in my truck.

Just Saying......

Another Icon Sinks

Even though I read my Hollywood mags every week, I'm not the kind of person to get glued to the TV when a scandal breaks.  I can proudly say that I watched a total of maybe 4 minutes of the O.J. ordeal... and having loved Princess Di, I watched about the same amount with her wedding and, subsequently, her funeral.  So, suffice to say, I try to avoid all the 'news coverage', if you want to call it that.

My greatest talent is tanning.  Within minutes, I can have a tan line and I don't really peel, except for that unfortunate incident at the nude beach last July.  That is what God (?) gave me, so I work with it.  If I was handed some great ability, say, to be able to hit a ball in a hole and make $100 million dollars off it, I would certainly do everything I could to protect that, since it's my future, it may support my family to the ridiculous level that they have become accustomed to and, if it all comes crashing down, it's not like even he can take my talent (tanning) and do anything with that.

I suppose there's some market research that would back up that Tiger Woods can sell stuff.  I mean, with his squeeky-clean image (lol), I suppose there's some old guy out there that would buy an ugly Buick Lacross because Tiger can hit a ball in a hole.  Frankly, nothing could get me to buy a Buick... and as much as I admire and look up to my Dad... and him being a die-hard Buick guy... I drive a Nissan.  If I had contracts with top companies, was making all that money... and had that talent... not to mention a knockout model wife... I think that I would be able to keep my dick in my pants for five minutes.  it's not like he was gay and was lonely, or had no means to find someone... then you can kind of understand the secrecy... how stupid are you to think that, in this day and age of people wanting to sue people for all kinds of shit and write a book about it, that you would be able to pull off one woman... much less the fifteen or so that got on the bandwagon... and hide that from the world?  Stupid.  And why they think they deserve some privacy in the matter... you gave that up when you cashed the first check for the first spokesperson gig. Spare us the 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman' crap... you tore out of your driveway, got a golf club through the back window and wrecked the car... who didn't see what that was all about 3 minutes into it... we watch 'Cops', you know.

And while it's probably unfair to assume God-like behavior on a mere mortal, that's what they signed up for.  When you put your face on a Wheaties box, or attach it to a name like Nike... you owe the public... and most of all kids... who have nothing to look forward or up to than idolizing a celebrity... hoping for what they have... that lifestyle.... you owe it to them to be a model citizen.  Long and short of it... keep your birdie in your pants... you're sub-par.

YUM !

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