Fall is in the Air...

I love this weather. The air is so crisp and it just makes you want to snuggle under a blanket. It energizes me. It's one of my most productive time periods. Sadly, it seems like it's the shortest season. Today, my cousin is getting his antique car out of our garage and I can clean up my tools and hang them back on the wall for the season and scrub down the garage. That's pretty much it for landscaping for me this year.

The first weekend in October is the Hickory, PA Apple Butter Festival. Apple pie, pumpkins, kettle corn, funnel cakes and hay rides are some of the highlights... but I like to go to see the inbred country folk... some missing things and some having three of things that other people only have two of... like appendages. It's a virtual carnival freak show in the making.

Next week, with the G-20 summit here (and downtown Pittsburgh practically being shut down (and boarded up in anticipation of the riots), along with the airport and a lot of major highways), it's a good time to get out of town. I'll be heading to D.C. for a few days next Monday. I haven't been sightseeing in some time... I've never been in any of the Smithsonian museums or the Holocaust museum either. I have a few friends down there as well. It should be a fun time.

My brother checked himself into a half-way house the other day. And while we still aren't having anything to do with him, it at least proves my point that when everyone stops doing for him, he will do for himself. I got all of his stuff out of my Dad's house yesterday and will be painting this week there to get it on the market.

From Full of Hope to Full of Nope...

One thing that I didn't tell many people about Mike was his age. He's 24... and although he's in grad school, you can't ignore the 18 years of difference in our ages. Having gone through it with Jesse last year, my concern (although not a problem with Jesse's parents) was my age and how they'd react. When Mike and I have done things and I've asked him if he told his parents where he was, he always said that he didn't tell them since he thought they'd have a problem with it. After the nice date we had a few days ago, I decided that I didn't want to invest any more time into what could be a potential problem or deal-breaker. When backed against the wall tonight at dinner, he thought they would have a problem for sure and I decided that I'm too old to worry about what someone's parents thought about me, so I ended it before it got started. He was a nice kid, but we're definitely on different pages. No big deal.

I don't target younger guys... it seems like the older I get, the younger the guys are that come after me. I am attracted to youth... for the energy (although I can run circles around the young guys I've met)... I'm not ready to sit in front of the TV and give up. I like being active. I find, as I get older, that I'm less likely to put up with someone's crap. I guess that's a good thing, although it probably means that I'll be sitting on a porch swing knitting by myself (or worse, with a cat on my lap) before you know it. Maybe I'll start making jam.

Done at the Marriott for This Season

I finished up the Marriott today. Sadly, I didn't take any before pictures... I always forget. Although it's not that spectacular of an area, it turned out clean looking, considering the budget and constraints that I had to work with.

Ouch...

This is what my body feels like today. Twisted. It's been a while since I've done heavy-duty landscaping... since July, actually. My arms hurt from raking mulch, my back from shoveling it and my shins from trying to dig holes for bushes in what might as well be cement rather than just hard, dense clay. I'm heading back today to transport big rocks from the creek up to the mulch beds and plant about 35 perennials. At least that job will be completed today... and that will probably be about it for the season for me with landscaping. I want to get all the tools cleaned and the garage scrubbed down. I'll be looking for a fun job for the winter season soon... maybe Starbucks or waitering or... circus clown?

Baby Steps...

My brother called today for money for food (yea, right)... and my Dad was strong enough not to give in. We made the changes to his will and inquired about the PFA... which we will have to go downtown to get early next week before a judge. I have to strike while the iron is hot with my Dad. Small steps towards the larger picture.

My date with Mike was great. We watched Duplicity, which is a great movie and two episodes of GLEE. If you're not watching that show, you should... especially you, Julie... it's just like chorus at Montour. Whether you were a choir geek or not, the show is absolutely hilarious and is the next biggest thing on TV. Anyway, can't wait until the next date.

The Approaching Storm...

It appears that things are going to get worse before they get better regarding my brother. Over the weekend while I was gone, my brother conned $300 out of my Dad and another $100 yesterday, promising to give it all back when he got his pay yesterday. As usual, that didn't happen and, on top of that, he lost his job. My Dad came back to the house and I have never seen him so angry before in my life. I'm not sure why he hadn't already strangled Dan, but he wanted to, and still does.

It's hard for me to get sucked into it at this point, not to mention telling my Dad 'I told you so', especially since we'll never see that money again and this keeps happening over and over again as well. I wish I could believe my Dad when he says he's done, but I doubt it, although we are going tomorrow to have my brother removed from my Dad's will and getting a restraining order (PFA), which is a big step for my Dad. I also went and got him a cell phone last night so that he can call me or the police when my brother shows up to harass him (although day one, and he didn't take the phone with him today already). I'm concerned that my Dad will do something to him and my brother wouldn't think twice about pressing charges. Also, that my Dad is going to have a heart attack one of these times, which seems to be inevitable.

With my brother out of a job now, it will only be a matter of days before he will go into withdrawal and start after us again, saying that he learned his lesson and he wants to change, etc... all bullshit. Hopefully my Dad won't fall for it. He will never change. He's like an animal now, barely surviving outside of captivity. Sadly, peace and quiet will only come for everyone around him when Dan is gone.

Tomorrow....

Have special plans this 09/09/09?

The rarity of this Sept. 9 hasn't been lost on the creators of the iPod, who have moved their traditional Tuesday release day to Wednesday to take advantage of the special date. Focus Features is releasing their new film "9," an animated tale about the apocalypse, on the 9th. Not only does the date look good in marketing promotions, but it also represents the last set of repeating, single-digit dates that we'll see for almost a century (until January 1, 2101), or a millennium (mark your calendars for January 1, 3001), depending on how you want to count it.

Though technically there's nothing special about the symmetrical date, some concerned with the history and meaning of numbers ascribe powerful significance to 09/09/09. For cultures in which the number nine is lucky, Sept. 9 is anticipated - while others might see the date as an ominous warning.

Modern numerologists - who operate outside the realm of real science - believe that mystical significance or vibrations can be assigned to each numeral one through nine, and different combinations of the digits produce tangible results in life depending on their application. As the final numeral, the number nine holds special rank. It is associated with forgiveness, compassion and success on the positive side as well as arrogance and self-righteousness on the negative, according to numerologists. Though usually discredited as bogus, numerologists do have a famous predecessor to look to. Pythagoras, the Greek mathematician and father of the famous theorem, is also credited with popularizing numerology in ancient times.

Any grade-schooler could tell you, for example, that the sum of the two-digits resulting from nine multiplied by any other single-digit number will equal nine. So 9x3=27, and 2+7=9.
Multiply nine by any two, three or four-digit number and the sums of those will also break down to nine. For example: 9x62 = 558; 5+5+8=18; 1+8=9. Sept. 9 also happens to be the 252nd day of the year (2 + 5 +2)...

Historically, ancient Chinese emperors associated themselves closely with the number nine, which appeared prominently in architecture and royal dress, often in the form of nine fearsome dragons. The imperial dynasties were so convinced of the power of the number nine that the palace complex at Beijing's Forbidden City is rumored to have been built with 9,999 rooms.
Japanese emperors would have never worn a robe with nine dragons, however.

In Japanese, the word for nine is a homophone for the word for suffering, so the number is considered highly unlucky - second only to four, which sounds like death. Many Japanese will go so far as to avoid room numbers including nine at hotels or hospitals, if the building planners haven't already eliminated them altogether.

Labor Day Weekend...

I had a really nice weekend at camp. It was great to hang out with all my friends, the weather was great, got some work done around the trailer, did some massages and relaxed a bit.

Tonight, I had my second date with Mike. He's very easy to talk to, we have a lot in common and he's very intelligent (not to mention adorable). We went to eat and walked around the South Side Works a bit. Date number 3 on Wednesday.

I have to finish up the Marriott job this week... I'm hoping to have a garage sale at my Dad's this weekend, but I've procrastinated in getting it advertised, so we'll see. I have a few people interested in renting it but we'd rather sell it and move on, so we'll see. I have some painting and cleaning to do and have put that off as well over the summer. Time to get serious. I hope to wrap some of these projects up before looking for some type of fun job for the winter to stay busy.

Day Two...

Went walking today... another beautiful day and another 4+ miles. In a combined total and in regard to my trek across the country to San Francisco, I'd be in Ambridge by now. Life is good. It's about the journey, not the destination.

Things Happen....

It's strange... one of the few weekends that I don't go to camp and go out in Pittsburgh for the first time in a year and I meet someone. People come and go in our lives and I'd like to think it's for a reason. Not having any expectations of the date tonight with Mike, it turned out to be one of the nicest nights I have had in a long time. What is this unfamiliar feeling I'm feeling... hopefulness? What's that?

A Walk in the Park...

Today I decided to run-walk (a technique I use... walk until you see someone coming, then run to make it look like you've been running the whole time, then stop when they pass) to expel some of that anxiety so I went to the Montour Trail. I started walking and before I knew it, I went 4 miles one way and then turned around (despite my telling some people that I would keep on going and not turn back until I hit Fisherman's Wharf)... it wasn't until half-way back that I realized that the markers were 1/2 mile markers, so I really only went 4 miles up and back, rather than the anticipated 8. What a beautiful day though... this is the summer we should have had all summer. Incidentally, that's not me in the picture... my big fat belly knocked him off the path in the first quarter mile.

Hopefully I lost at least 6 pounds today... I'm going to weigh myself... maybe I'll make a sissy first though. All this just in time to get skinny and sweet for my date tonight with Mike.

Just Wanted To Say....

I've been told recently that I live a 'poor me' existence and that this blog is just a way for me to whine about the shit in my life, which seems to be an overwhelming flowing river of it. I know we all have shit in our life. You have to wonder what it's preparing us for. Being able to handle more shit that's coming? An afterlife? Tryouts for that Chinese game show that beats the crap out of you? Sainthood?

I am very fortunate to have such great friends who care and reach out and support. I'd like to think that I have that because I, too, am there in that capacity for my friends. Maybe I'm too wrapped up or bogged down in my own shit and I'm not there as much as I can be? I hope that's not true and that you know that I am here for you as well. All I know is that my capacity to deal and focus is getting less and less as I get older, which is unfortunate since I probably bring on my own problems half of the time. I think we can all relate in how we can be our own worst enemy sometimes.

When I wake up, the first thing that I do is read my friend's blogs (except those of you on facebook)... maybe it's just me, but I want to know what's going on in their lives because I care. For all of you that make it a priority and take the 60 seconds or so out of the 86,400 seconds you have in your day to read my blog, as sappy or silly or stressful as it may be, I am eternally honored and appreciative of your true friendship, let alone those of you that reach out and respond. It makes me feel loved, important and relevant, and I thank you for that.

Shattered Hope

Tonight, my brother went to the horseshoe courts to see my Dad. And although he didn't ask for money, he did arrange a ride to work tomorrow, and for who knows how long, stating it would probably be that way until he got a car. This is a double-edged sword, first abusing my Dad (like he has no choice in whether to do it or not) and making us feel guilty that he doesn't have a way to work and that we should help him with getting a car as well.

After kicking my brother out of the house, putting some things on the back porch and cutting him off from money and our participation in anything, my Dad continues to enable him. Until he is living in a box in the street or has to walk 7 miles to work to keep his job or has to use his own money to live on rather than spending it on drugs, he will never change (which is a fantasy at this point in his addiction any way). By sending this message that we will cave in after a few days is not helping him, it's enabling him to rely on someone else and not do for himself. He claims he has not brushed his teeth in two days despite me putting his toothbrush/paste on the back porch days ago. It falls behind finding drugs on his list of priorities, but is high up on the list of things to make others guilty about. If I put a twenty dollar bill on the porch, he would have been over there in ten minutes.

There isn't any support groups that I can find that don't use the 12 step AA (resign to a higher power/God) philosphy that I can't believe in. I think it would be productive for my Dad to go to one of the meetings to hear other's stories, which are exactly like ours, really. Part of me wants to yell at my Dad for caving (but he hates himself enough already for doing it)... we can never get a clean breaking point from him and not go back to 'helping' him. The other part doesn't have the energy to keep doing this and turns a blind eye to it until it all falls apart again and I have to pick up the pieces again. I'm tired. The only thing that I have to support me is anger.

Kennywood Gone Awry

I rented Adventureland last night... it was filmed solely in Kennywood. Since the film took place in the 80's, they needed a meticulously-kept period park. It was interesting to see the familiar settings and how they changed them a bit for the movie. When I was younger, I always thought it would be great to have a job at Kennywood. Ahhh... not so much

after seeing how much they hated their jobs.

Time Travelers Wife...

Tonight, our Monday Movie Madness group (just me and Matt) went to see The Time Travelers Wife. It's pretty complicated to try to describe... but it's something like... he starts traveling through time back to this girl's life... at different ages... and they fall in love only to meet one day in normal time and get married and have a child, etc., but all the while, in present day, he's traveling back to see her at different ages, and sees parts of their lives together, but can't change any of it. That's all well and good... but the best part is when he travels back, which is totally out of the blue, out of his control, he disintegrates and his clothes fall to the ground... and he gets to the future or past totally buck nekkid, then has to scramble to find some clothes. Yum.

This is one of the nicest movies I've seen in a long time. It has just the right balance of great story writing, interesting and intriguing plot, great acting, believable love, good soundtrack... and his butt (no wiener shot though). I can't really say anything bad about it. It left me remembering those times in a relationship where you really can't wait to see someone. I'd give it 4.5 petunias.

Trailer-Trash Scourned

This is a picture of a my friend's trailer after his scourned lover took his mini-van upside of the trailer... about 8 times, ramming it head-on after a fight that they had (along with an obvious bad interaction of his bi-polar medicine and alcohol. Practically knocked it right off the blocks it was sitting on. He also managed to back into his car, someone else's truck and that someone else (who wasn't hurt). He then fled the scene and is now on the lamb. He is now wanted for attempted vehicular manslaughter for almost running the guy over as well as a bunch of other things.

A day in the life of a gay trailer park in West Virginia.

My Brother, The Ass...

On a hunch, because I know the inter-workings of a heroin addict's mind (or lack-thereof), I decided to go snooping around my brother's room last night when I suspected that he was on a drug run. I found these hypodermic needles hidden in the seat cushion of the chair in his room. He unzipped it and bore out a hole in the foam. He's like my dog when she would hide her bone in the corner of the room out in the open and then think it was hidden well. He'll never outsmart me. The little wax paper bags are what hold the heroin... they were crumbled up and throw in the only garbage can in the house, amongst what looked like the scraps of the makings of a pretty good omelet he had that morning.

He came home with a new stash getting ready to light up and was looking for his needles. HA HA... jokes on you... then I pulled up a minute later and caught him in the act with two of his teenage friends. When I called the police, the two 'friends' ran like nobody's business... when the police came, they searched my brother and found all his tools, needles, etc. on his person, even though he told them he didn't have anything in his pockets. They took him away, but he was out at two a.m. and called me to borrow money to stay in a hotel (since I closed all the windows and took his keys). I threw some stuff on the porch of his.

My brother is a pathological liar. I don't think he has a real grasp on what is the truth and what isn't, and although he has my Dad bamboozled, the rest of the world isn't that naive... if he only knew that. It's like living in an environment where you have to question every single detail... where you can't turn your back or let your guard down for a minute. I don't know what's worse... being on the phone with him listening to one of his schemes... or not hearing anything and knowing there's a scheme going on behind the scene. It's exhausting.

At least now I can clean the house and get it ready for sale. Not that I care where he goes (since he really needs to live on the street to get an idea of how good he actually had it)... but he is supposedly going to live with someone. He'll never change.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

Now that I finally got all the boxes put away and the table set up and some pictures hung... no one is coming to dinner... I don't want anyone messing it all up.

Good Grief, Charlie Brown

Beautiful Pre-Fall Day...

What a beautiful pre-Fall day... blue sky, great temperature... no humidity. It could stay like this all year long... that would be a Utopian. I took this picture a few years back at Raccoon State Park... it has 'end of season' written all over it. Tonight should be a nice sleeping night.