OUCH !!

Gone are the days of haphazardly baking yourself in the sun for hours with Wesson cooking oil or baby oil.  As a replacement, we are saddled with sunscreens galore and checking our bodies for new 'things' that weren't there before, including bumps, lumps and spots.  I have a vaccination, some chicken pox marks, some scars from cuts and stitches and all kinds of other marks on my body, but the invasion of my tattoo was pretty shocking, and hard to wrap my head around.  What once was a bare palatte now has this thing on it.  It's hard to digest.  I can't imagine how I'd feel if it were larger than a 3" x 3" area.

As usual, I over-analyzed the whole process... I wondered how I would feel about having this on my body and not being a tattoo virgin and all that comes with my new-found status as a bad-ass (staying out late, picking up stray women, buying a Harley, getting a leather biker outfit and matching Pit Bull)... and for this relatively conservative, living-on-the-edge suburban boy... it's all fun and games until you get pricked by the tattoo needle.  Along with that was my analyzation of the pain that was going to happen and how I'd react to that.  I was curious to see, as I've heard stories, if I would have actually 'enjoyed' the pain, in an S and M kind of way.  I can assure you, that was the furthest thing from my mind. 

Imagining a certain kind of pain without ever having endured it is literally impossible.  How can you imagine a tiny little bee sting if it's never happened to you... and as 'tiny' as it sounds, those mother-F'ers pack a lot of pain in such a little prick.  I think that it turned out to be less than what I imagined (me crying or passing out or seeing stars), but the actual pain was excruciating at times and something that I couldn't even have conjured in my head.  Not having any idea what I was going to feel, I can honestly say that it felt like she was stabbing into my skin and dragging the needles back and forth or rubbing sandpaper.  I immediately broke out in a cold sweat, but once we got through it, some areas hurting less than others, I got used to it.  Having the stencil put on... it's a totally different ball game when you start to see the design come to life and excitement replaces fear and pain.

I've seen some bad tattoos in my life, so I was a little worried as to how it was going to turn out.  Once I saw the stencil of the changes that Cara made, I had total confidence in what she was going to do and her abilities.  I'm thrilled with it... it turned out much better than I imagined.  We were able to color the heads of the push pins... and if you look hard enough (hard to see until is heals fully) you will see ROYGBV... the gay flag.  Since there were ten pins and we didn't think of just doing 6 for the gay flag colors, we had to use colors over again.  Using only 6  to not repeat colors would be the only thing different that I would have done.

They say there's only two types of people... people who get one tattoo and stop... or people who get many.  There doesn't seem to be anyone who gets just two.  Which kind of person will I be?  I can't say I'd be willing to do it again any time soon.. but there are some things that I would like to get done... only time will tell if I get more.  I can now check 'tattoo' off my bucket list.

I wanted to thank my friend Kyle for encouraging me to go for it... for holding my hand through the whole process and introducing me to his friend, Cara, at Black Cat Tattoos... who has a great, artistic talent.

Anyone have any ideas for naming the little bugger?

Tattoo Training Wheels

Today is the day I go for my tattoo... I'm a little nervous, since I don't do pain well... in fact, I get very sarcastic (much more so than normally) when I get scared... like in a doctor's office or hospital, especially when there are needles involved. 

As far as what I'm getting done or where on my body I'm putting it, I'm kind of looking at it like it could be my first tattoo... or it could be my last.  The design isn't personal enough for me to feel like I'll regret it... like if I got someone's name or some elaborate design, so I'm not worried about that.  It may be the precursor to others or just something that I can say that I've done (and have the stamp to prove it).  There are some slight changes I'm making to it, so we'll see how it turns out.  Wish me luck.

YUM !! (Bloggers and Readers Thereof)

I'm pleased that there were so many of you who submitted pictures for the YUM !! Invitational.  I asked fellow bloggers and readers to send me their favorite photos... the one where they feel good about themselves.  Let's face it... sometimes, if we don't toot our own horn, no one will and everyone deserves to feel good.  Beautiful people, inside and out.  These are the people in my neighborhood....

My Contributions:  These first pics were taken by one of my exes... we were in Cancun and I was inspired both by Mark Spitz (and his stars and stripes speedo), and the Cool Water cologne add where the guy comes out of the water looking fantastic.  Mine, however, look like a beached whale and that I'm washing my hair.  Not the sexy look I was going for, but it didn't seem to matter at the time, as the photo shoot kept rolling.

                              Me in L.A.

(I was giving you some hanging from a rope action)

________________________________________

Adam from Sex At Noon Taxes (Our little boy (who looks good in stripes

no matter which direction they're going in))

Blobby from Blobby's Blog (Gotta love a hairy-legged man

who loves hairy dogs)

Erik from Gambrinous with Griffonage (Daddy, don't beat me (unless I'm bad,

which I always am)

My Friend (and reader) Julie (Va va va vooooom, complete

with come-F-me pumps.  And I turned gay, why?)

Jim at Jim's Stuff  (Just lay back... I'll take care of you)

Kelly from Rambling Along In Life  (Ok, this bitch is submitting his

Abercrombie print ad... YUM!)

Kevin from Kevin's Rants (Um, yes, Kev... I want a lick)

Cubby at Patently Queer  (Yes sir... Mr. Boss Man)

Paul at Chez Paul  (Sultry as the day is long)

A Friend of mine from Vegas, Paul (Save me, Superman!)

Rich from A Work In Progress (Catch me, here I come)

    Rob (That tattoo must say 'sexy')

Rob from Dulce Y Peligroso (Make me an offer I can't refuse, Sir)

Ron from Retired in Delaware (Loves me some sweaty man in a field

on a piece of machinery) 

Sean from Idle Eyes and a Dormy (Sassy, sexy, spicy, sultry...)

Stan from Metro Dystopia (You can't hide that machoism

behind those glasses)

            Warren (Classic beauty)

Weekend Recap

Another long week/weekend.  Friday night, I met up with the usual crowd and had too much to drink (as I figured I would, given the situation with my ex).  It snuck up on me, and I was a mess... while in Dan's car, all I said was "uh-oh" and I started throwing up (by the way, cherries do make a drink look pretty, but not when you're puking).  I had to be driven home by Dan, only to realize that I didn't have my house key or my phone (left them in the truck), so I had to wake my Dad up at 2:30 in the morning.  I felt like a little kid.  A stupid little kid.

Saturday morning, I had to go get my truck at the bar and Dan and I went to lunch.  I went into work a bit and cut some grass in between the rain, then met up with my high school friends for our third outing at a local bar.  Fortunately, I had good sense not to drink at all.  It was a very nice time... and a good turn out.

Sunday, I did some things at home and had an early dinner with my Dad (the usually holiday dinner; ham, broccoli with cheese sauce, mashed potatoes and poppin'-fresh biscuits), visited my Aunt, then went to watch a few movies (The Fighter and The Rabbit Hole) at my friend David's house, then we went off to find something to eat for Easter dinner.  Not too much was open, but Haufbrau House was, and it was a great meal, complete with a little german man playing a keyboard singing Edelwies.  It wasn't that busy, and I'm told that it's usually packed, so it was nice to enjoy it without all the people and a two hour wait.  I was originally supposed to get my tattoo done on Sunday, but it's been recheduled to Thursday.

We have a break in the clouds, so I'm off to get some mulching done out of the back of my truck.  Still raining here... still.  STILL?  Really?  I'm getting very little done.

Gooey

Brought to you by Spo...

Happy Easter

Easters Past

(Reprinted from last year)

When we were littlins... we always used to get an Easter basket filled with tons of candy (that my mother would usually hide in the dryer every year (because finding them hidden added to the sheer joy of it all... plus, the energy expended usually counteracted the sugar to be consumed)).

My favorite candies were:

Peeps-I only liked the white ones and yellow ones (I'm not big on putting things in my mouth that turn it colors, especially blue)... plus, I liked to poke a hole in the wrapper and wait for them to get stale.. that's the best... right before mold grows and the sugar caramelizes. The only bad thing about Peeps was that the basket straw would stick to it and you were sure to eat a strand or two every season (unseating the thong as the official 'butt floss').

Reeses peanut butter eggs- Made out of the same stuff as the peanut butter cups, they tasted better shaped like teardropped poop.

Robin eggs- Of course we had to lick the robin eggs, then apply a liberal amount (18 millimeters thick, like a street-walking whore) on our lips and matching eyelid color... nothing says 'look at me, I'm a gaybird in training' like blue lips on a little boy (yet another opportunity to blame shit on my Mom).

What I did not like were:

Cadbury Eggs- Who the fuck came up with that shit? Slimey and gooey, it looks way too much like raw eggs... or like when the egg gets about 4 days past rotten and the bird starts growing in there but doesn't quiet make it to full term. And you bite into it and shit oozes down your face like a drunken encounter with a dirty sailor fresh off the boat from a 3 month tour on the high seas.

Chocolate eggs wrapped in foil- First of all, what a bitch to unwrap them... and then you never get all the tinfoil off, so you bite into it and get a nerve shock on the fillings in your teeth... Yikes! Plus, way too much work for the payout (they're so tiny... I need more substance... and don't even think about giving me something hollow... recession or not, don't pull that shit).

Jelly Beans-  Really, Mom?  Jelly beans are the most ghetto fillers in an Easter basket.  Cheap and filling, once they got moist, they would stick to the plastic grass and melt.  Unless they were gourmet jelly beans... that's a different story... THOSE I liked.  They were top-drawer.

What was your favorite?

My Favorite Easter Commercial (Remember This One?)

Easter's Almost Here

Bunny Pop @ Yahoo! Video

Dewey Decimal D@vid

"Review At A Later Point"

That's where I filed grief and problems under in the filing system in my mind throughout the years.  As you can well imagine, that system not only got to be large in size, but overwhelming to sort through.  Just like with bills and receipts, it's much easier to process and file them as they come, because once they get in a stack, they just sit there, compounded by a constant onslaught of new ones.

Since I was in my late teens, I was always in a position of management, receiving a barrage of problem after problem, having to be strong and continue pushing through it... and that's how I developed a special room filled with cabinets in my mind for my own problems, with everyone else's problems being more important, needing immediate attention.  'Deal with it another day' became a process for me that worked for a long while, but caught up with me.  When I had a break up, I usually didn't think about it until I broke up with the next person, looking back at what went wrong with responsibility or regret, but in a delayed reaction.  With some well-placed therapy and writing this blog, I've been able to open some of the drawers, delving deep into stored thoughts and emotions, and it's been very helping in my moving on and growing.  For some of my long-time readers, you've been through my childhood issues, my brother, being adopted and a whole slew of personal triumphs over the last two years in my previous posts.  It's been the most productive two years of my life.

As a result of this filing system, I'm not a person that cries.  Ever.  I cried when my Mom died, but only when I saw a relative cry, and I think it was out of empathy for them, not my own reaction to what was happening.  I also had to step up at that point and take charge of my family, so I had a lot on my mind... I was back in management mode and didn't give myself time to grieve.  I had no choice.

I was very apprehensive yesterday going to the funeral home.  I've talked about this before in previous posts how I think that the funeral home ritual is barbaric if not at least torturous on the family... especially with the Italians and drawing it out to a minimum of 3 days filled with viewings and services.  I barely made it through the front door last night when I saw John's niece and started bawling.  I walked 10 feet into the viewing room and met up with a friend of his and again, bawled.  And when I finally made my way up to the coffin, I was a complete mess, sobbing uncontrollably, and for a half hour later in unexplainable bursts, even standing off to the side by myself.   After about an hour, I gained composure and was fine.  A weight was lifted... I felt clearer... I was able to move on from mourning his death to celebrating his life.  What was this strange process?  Could it be grieving?  Mourning?  Revelation?  Whatever it was, it felt good, much like throwing up after a night of partying; no one wants to but you know you will feel much better in the morning, so you force yourself.

Ok, I get it now.  You need to process things right then and there.  You need to allow yourself whatever emotions come over you rather than stuffing them back in, because it's only then that you can move forward.  And surprisingly, feeling better.  In the past, I may have held on to feelings that he died by himself or was dealt a bad hand in life... but now I see that he lived a life, although short, that was rich with love from family and friends... doing exactly what he wanted to when he wanted to do it... and on his terms.

I am thankful for all he has done for me... and for the time that I had with him.  For the lessons he taught me... and is still teaching me after he is gone. 

Silver Lining

I wanted to thank everyone for their support, condolences, prayers, wishes and concern.  Writing my blog entry yesterday was difficult, reliving some of the good memories that I have with John.  The funeral services are over the next three days (thats Italians for you), which will be difficult.  I think that I'm still in shock... seeing him lying there will probably make it more of a reality for me. 

We're at that age in life where we will see a lot more heartache, pain and death as the people we love start to disappear.  Which is why you have to live life to the fullest, for today... because you may not have any tomorrows.  If I know John, and I do, I'm sure he wasn't thinking that he'd have limited time.  He'd also want everyone to go on living, seizing the day... and celebrating his life instead of mourning his death.  The silver lining in the clouds that he was always looking at reflects the sunlight, not the darkness.  Sunflowers were his favorite flower for a reason.

I managed to get some work done yesterday... and I'm heading to do some today before the services.  It helps to take my mind off things.

Live Life to the Fullest - Rest in Peace, John

Yesterday morning, I was pulling out old pictures for the YUM !! posting I will be doing later this week.  I came across all the pictures that my ex, John, had taken while we were together.  He was always taking pictures of me and rarely could take a scenery picture of something without a person in it.  I pulled a few out that I was going to scan and send to him today.  Unfortunately, I received word later last night that he had passed away.  He didn't show up for a meeting at his family's business and his brother went over there to check on him and found him, apparently having suffered a heart attack.  He was in his mid-forties.

I met John at Pegasus, a gay bar here in Pittsburgh in 1998.  He came up to me and asked me if I wanted to dance and I said no.  He asked me if I wanted a drink and I said no.  He didn't let up... and I was hooked by his confidence and persistence, along with his smile and piercing, beautiful eyes.  We left the bar and went to a local restaurant that is known for being packed after the bars closed and when we got there, it was.  We walked in and he said 'wait right here'... with that, he went over and shooed some people out of a table, waved me over, sat me down, took my food order, paid for it, got it, and brought it over to me.  I had never seen such take-charge attitude, especially from someone that was 5'8", and I was really hooked.  But that's the way John did everything... BIG... including his love for his family, his heart and his compassion for people.

When I met him, he was just starting to serve a DUI loss of license for esentially falling asleep at a red light at an intersection and the police just rolled up on him while he snoozed.  John played hard, but slept hard as well, as you can see by the pics below.    I loved taking pictures of him while he slept... he didn't have to be the strong, powerful businessman.  He always did the same things when he slept... either stuck his hand down his pants, held his arms in a chicken-like stance... or had a leg up somehow... and always with his buddy, my dog Shelby, whom he loved to death.  When we'd have movie night, I would get his popcorn and Dots candy ready for him, and it never failed that he'd fall asleep minutes later.  About a month into our dating, I received a job offer in Philadelphia that was too good to pass up.  I'll never forget calling him from a pay phone to tell him... and him supporting my decision, but not wanting to let go.  I moved, and we dated for 5 months long distance, before I quit my job to be back in Pittsburgh with him.  We had a great relationship.  We traveled a lot, did a lot with his family and lived the life of two gay guys in the suburbs.  I decided to go to massage school and then opened up my day spa, which he fully supported me in my decision.  He even helped by spilling a whole 5 gallon bucket of mustard paint in the middle of the waiting room floor carpet which, thankfully came up with hours of using the shop vac.  With me working 6 days a week, 9 or 10 hours a day and him traveling for his job, we started to question what we were doing and why.  Instead of taking a little break to regroup, we got aggrivated and just gave up.  It wasn't an easy break up, but we got through it and remained friends since, touching base every week or so... or he would leave a comment here or there on my blog... and we'd have lunch once a month.

John was larger than life.  Most times with a drink in one hand, a cigar in-mouth and a poker hand in the other, he loved living life to the fullest, especially in the casino.  I used to call him 'tornado' because he was always like a bull in a china store, somewhat clumsy and scattered.  One time he almost burned our house down using the toaster oven... another time he was rushing around (because he was always late) trying to get to the airport to catch a flight... and he set the luggage down by the trunk and forgot to put it in and ran over his luggage, then dragged it down the street until I noticed and called him on his cell phone to stop the car.  This was life with John.  It was always an adventure.  We worked together well because he was the big picture guy, and I was the detailer.  He'd come home and say 'let's go to the Bahamas... I've booked the flight' and I'd be the one who would make it all happen by taking care of everything else.  He was the first and only person I ever dated that I fully trusted to do what he said he would.  He was a man of his word.  He also was a family man, taking care of his Aunts, sister, nieces and nephews, brother and parents.  He was rational, logical, sensible and fair and brilliant in business.  No matter where he went, he knew someone... and if he didn't, he would get to know him.  I always admired his being able to sit down next to a total stranger, strike up a conversation and win them over.  His personality was magnetic... you couldn't help fall in love with him.

We were together for about 3 1/2 years.  There were many times where I thought that we'd get back together, since our break up was not only a mistake, but was senseless and will go down as the most regrettable thing in my life.  I'm glad that we remained close friends... I saw him a month ago or so at the casino here in Pittsburgh... pushing me to lay it all on the line and make the big bet.  He always supported me and my crazy in everything that I did... but gave me the freedom to be me, not trying to change me, but gave me advice and pushed me to enjoy life.  I always felt safe with him out there, knowing that he would always check in with/up on me, making sure I was alright.  He had that air about him... somewhat like a Godfather... busy, but always making time for concern and compassion for others.  It's that quality about him that I remember most, evidenced by the greatest romantic gesture I've ever experienced:

While working for SAP, living in Philly while he lived in Pittsburgh (at a particularly busy time for him)... I had to take a trip to Paris for business... when I had arrived back at the Philadelphia airport, I was walking down the escalator, tired from my trip, heading to get my luggage and at the bottom of the escalator, there he stood with a dozen roses... he had flown to Philadelphia just to greet me back from my trip.  He was a sight for sore eyes, and I loved him for that.

I'm going to miss you, Freak.  Sleep well, my friend... my love.

Tattoo Update

First thing this morning, I had a dentist appointment to get some x-rays taken and have my teeth cleaned.  I'm happy to report that I don't have any cavities or any problems and she praised me for my hygene.  It felt good walking out of there not in pain, for once.  Especially after spending all day yesterday doing my and my Dad's taxes.  I joked with a friend of mine... taxes and the dentist... all I needed was to get a speeding ticket and those are the three most sucky situations you encounter.

I decided on a tattoo tonight, as Kyle and I stopped in his friend's shop after dinner tonight.  I wanted a voodoo doll, but wasn't sure if I wanted more of a realistic tattoo or more of a cartoon one.  Considering it was my first... and maybe last... and I don't like needles or blood or pain... I decided to go with the cartoon version because it would take less time and I am partial to cartoons.  We looked online and came across this one that I really liked.  I love the button eye and zipper mouth... and we're going to play with the colors a little bit and some of the textures and add some pins... but it mostly would look this way.  They had an opening on Sunday... so it all came together quickly... which is a good thing, since I probably would change my mind about what I wanted or getting one at all.  I'm excited about it. 

Reminder: YUM !! Invitational Extravaganza Submission

If you missed the post I did last week ( YUM !! Invitational Extravaganza ), I invited readers and bloggers to submit their favorite pics of themselves for my first ever YUM !! (Bloggers and the Readers Thereof) Invitational Extravaganza.  I received some entries so far, but there's a lot of you out there who haven't sent anything.  It doesn't have to be when you're younger... or a sexy pic (and certainly not nude, lol)... just one that when you look at it, you feel good about yourself... a pic that evokes self-confidence in you... maybe it's the pic that you always used in your profiles, etc..  The more 80's Jessica Rabbit/Tom Selleck the better though.  And for you youngsters (Adam, etc.)... you're not too young to submit.  Don't make me creep on your facebook pages to find pics of you. 

I will be doing the post later this week... so please submit (pittguy2008@comcast.net)... girls, boys.. young, old.

The Neverending Weekend-ing April 17th

It's been a long week... and weekend.  Two strenuous days mulching followed by 32 ounces of Long Island Iced Tea (30 ounces being alcohol) on Friday... and a very long, cold, rainy dreary, muddy day at camp (finally getting into my own bed at 4 a.m.) has wreaked havoc on my system.  Today is probably going to be the nicest day this week, and I'm just so tired and worn out, that I can't bring myself to go mulch today.  I'm halfway through my salvation... a venti skinny hazelnut latte at Barnes and Noble right now.

While I no longer have that much fun at gay camp any more with all the things that have transpired... and friends and family weekend isn't exactly my favorite theme weekend up there (the campground is open to straight family members, and usually we have to de-gay the campground and ourselves to make them feel comfortable, as if we don't do that in normal society already, Monday through Friday).  I will say that the people that come to camp on this weekend are the cream of the diversity crop; the straight family members and friends (of the gays that go to camp) that care enough about their token gay to want to be a part of their world outside of their own.  You meet some really open-minded people who are usually worldly and diverse in their own self.  To see someone's Mom dancing on the floor with an unknown gay, where there's no prejudice or judgement, just plain fun... it inspiring.  It's a blessing to be able to share these special people.

Robin went with me and she had a blast.  She actually reminded me of me when I first came out in the gay world... attention drawn from one shiny object to another... taking in all the sights and sounds... trying to make sense of some things that are hard to understand... but mostly, just opening her arms wide and accepting as she is famous for, appreciative to be invited into a special place... and engaging everyone, all captivated by her bubbly personality.  She is now officially a gay man trapped in a woman's body.

I was also able to measure for the 12 X 36 deck that I am contracted to build for a friend of mine... and see some people that I haven't seen in a while... Scott being one of them.  I haven't gotten to see him much lately, and I miss him.  It's nice to be around someone who truly 'gets' me and leaves me be to trip and fall and find my way... but never too far to put on a band-aid if it gets messy.  I am blessed with some good people in all aspects of my life.

Off to Gay Camp

It was a great day, yesterday... very sunny and a nice breeze.  I got a lot of mulching done.  This morning, I'm heading to gay camp with Robin for the day... this is 'Friends and Family' weekend, so it's one of the rare times that women can go to camp.  It's raining and miserable, but I'm sure we'll have a fun time anyway  :)

Progress

What a great day I had yesterday... I managed to get 9 hours of work in altogether, which felt great, especially being out in the warm air and sun.  I picked up 12 bushes at Costco in preparation for some beds that I have to tear out and re-do in the near future, then did some mulching.  Since I couldn't get a helper lined up that quickly, I had to work out of the back of my truck, which only holds 1.5 yards of mulch, and is a little difficult to shovel or bucket out, but is good when doing intricate beds with a lot of detail (better than dumping wheel barrow loads on top of plants and rocks).  I did three truckloads total... not great productivity, but I wasn't in any hurry either.  I'm off to do the same today before some storms roll in later on.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Mr. Rodgers would be singing today.... it's going to be 65 and sunny and not a cloud in the sky... and I'm off to do some mulching.  I spoke with the General Manager yesterday and he's thrilled with what I've been able to get accomplished so far this year, despite the rain... and told me to just take my time... no rush.  That takes a huge amount of pressure off me, not worrying about what he's thinking.  I was also awarded another project of tearing out some old bushes and replacing them with new.  Costco has crazy-cheap bushes that they bring in this time of year... cheaper than what I can get wholesale and bigger and better.

In other news, I finally made it back to the gym yesterday after a three day slug-fest of not stepping foot in there.

Voodoo Tattoo

One of the things on my list this year is to get a tattoo.  I'm not sure why I want one... I just do.  So I've been kicking around some ideas, thinking about some of the things that interest me... what would look cool... what's not overdone... what wouldn't get me beat up... as well as where to get it on my body, etc. 

I've always liked voodoo dolls for some reason.  I think I relate to the contradiction of their strength, endurance and pain threshold to their frailty in construction... being made out of scrap items and barely holding it all together... something I can directly relate to.  I drew out this quick sketch on the left last night on a napkin... and it would be much more elaborate as a tattoo... but you get the idea.

The other idea was going to be an arm band of sorts, much like a charm bracelet that I could add on to over the years with pivital points in my life.  Some of the starting charms would be the 'Love' sculpture that is located in Philly to represent my time that I lived there... there's a cartoon sketch of my dog Shelby... I'd want some version of the 'Gemini' symbol... and the letters 'B.E.' which would not only symbolize the dayspa that I designed and opened, Body Elements... but also for the workshops that effected me that I took last year, Body Electric.  Years ago, Pittsburgh National Bank's logo was three rectangles arranged in the form of a triangle... which would represent the three rivers of Pittsburgh... and double as a gay pride triangle.  I'd also like to have some sort of hand to represent my massage.  Maybe something to symbolize Paris and living in Vegas, like the 'Welcome to Las Vegas' sign that I love.   

I really like the charm bracelet idea... but I also thought about having those items flying around in an atomic symbol... representing the things that revolve around my core and  keep me from exploding and keep it all together.

I really wouldn't want this to be some big, honkin' splotch on my body... I'd like to keep it somewhat smaller... probably on my arm above the sleeve line.  We'll see... I'm still kicking some ideas around.