Yesterday, I posted that I bought a trailer... and after thinking about what I could do with the money, not only to buy it, but the $2,000 additional for lot rent per year, I decided not to go through with it. I keep trying to get back to a place at camp where I truly enjoyed it... before I knew everyone there... before my massage business... before the bartender job incident... before the owner throwing me in the bushes in a stupor last year... before meeting a few boyfriends down there... and before my social phobia. I just can't seem to find that enjoyable and peaceful state down there any more, short of my friends Scott and Ricky being down there and getting to see them. It has a different meaning for me at this point... and it only takes me about two days for a wave of unhappiness to hit me and I can't wait to get out of there. I thought that buying the trailer would help me push through some of those issues, but then it hit me that I don't have to prove anything to anyone, so I just don't want to put myself in that position any more. I also realized that, in anticipation of winter coming, that I was also doing it because I thought that it would keep my mind occupied and maybe I wouldn't get as depressed. I'll still go down every once in a while to see Scott... but that's probably about it. I also want to stick to my original plan of getting a small trailer (like the one in the picture) that I can pull around the country... so that played a part as well. I also would rather take my excursion vacations than sit in one spot every weekend.
On a therapeutically-positive note, I wasn't scared shitless in the tent this time... pushing myself to face my fear really helped.
That's too bad...it is such a cute trailer...I could spend a few weeks in that in the middle of nowhere and enjoy it.
ReplyDeletesaludos,
raulito
Having your own trailer for your trips around the country sounds like a great idea to me. If I was younger I would do it myself. A lesbian couple here where I live are doing that now. They're having a grand time. There is a lot ot see in this country. I wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteI have to give you all the credit in the world for listening to your instincts and doing what you know will be best for you. The biggest decisions in my life have always been made by listening to my "gut" and it's never steered me wrong. You're gonna be fine. :-)
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