Brother, Can You Spare Some Change

If we're honest with ourselves, to make a new years resolution is almost as pointless as giving up something for Lent... being realistic, how many times have we tried and failed?  It's almost easier to give into it and perhaps tell yourself that it's all too cliché or trite so you don't have to bother... that you're more of an individual for not following the herd... most times, over the cliff to your demise.  And yet, the gyms are full of would-be hopefuls at this time of year. They say if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

The tradition of the New Year's Resolutions goes all the way back to 153 B.C.  Janus, a mythical king of early Rome was placed at the head of the calendar. With two faces, Janus could look back on past events and forward to the future, hopefully righting your wrongs. Janus became the ancient symbol for resolutions and many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies and also exchanged gifts before the beginning of each year.  A somewhat tradition in the U.S. has us dressed up in masks seeking a kiss at the stroke of midnight, symbolizing the evil of the mask being purified by the kiss.  Another theory is that whatever you're doing when the new year arrives, is what you'll be doing the rest of the year, so hopefully it's not working too hard or being sick, like I was.

I think it's fun to have something like the new year's resolution.  It's kind of a get-out-of-jail-free card, much like the Catholics have every day.  'Sorry you didn't meet your goal of __________, give it another go' is the new 'say 5 rosaries and it'll be just fine'.  It's a do-over, because don't we have enough shit to worry about and strive for already?  Isn't there enough disappointment? I've been wanting to learn Spanish for, probably, 8 years now.  It's my recurring resolution.

So, having said all that, I'm lining up to make some resolutions.  I'm excited for this year and with everything up for grabs in all aspects of my life, it should be a good year for some much-needed change, and I don't mean the kind that jingles.  I haven't exactly laid any plans out, but having a positive outlook on tomorrow is half the battle for me.  Suffice to say, blogging is one of my pledges, and I'm excited to slowly reconnect with the friends I've made on here.

The Land of the Living

Gone are the days of my youth when I was full of piss and vinegar, not afraid to take a risk or accept a challenge... willing to start all over again from scratch just for the 'fun' of it.  I used to have goals and look forward to things, often times finding ways to turn my life upside down or keep it interesting or push myself.  Instead, I find myself a middle-aged man just treading water, to keep from drowning... not looking for anything... not being able to see anything beyond what's in front of me at the moment.  I'm paralyzed in fear.  Afraid of what, I don't know. Adding more to my plate?  Change?  Death?  Life?  Or is it a combination... possibly that I just may have to engage myself in the land of the living?  Out from the shadows?  Out from the miserable place that I hide?  Where am I?

A few weeks ago, I was watching the movie "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World".  With a giant meteor headed for earth only weeks away, certain things didn't matter as much as they did before.  Consequence didn't mean as much when you didn't have things carrying forward and you were able to just let your guard down and just enjoy yourself... just enjoy what you enjoy and let go of all the stuff that we heap on ourselves.  As I watched the characters in the movie lose their inhibitions and think about what it was that they most regretted not doing, scrambling to get that one last thing in before it was all over and the time ran out, I felt such a calm come over me, having felt like I was a part of the movie.  With the apocalypse teased back in the summer and the end of the Mayan calendar more recently, it isn't that far of a reach to grasp... and with all the zombie movies and TV shows like Revolution, contemplating an end of days seems very probable nowadays.  As I thought about what I would do... who I would want to see one more time, I suddenly felt clear-headed and light and a feeling of relief washed over me.  When the movie was over and I realized that it was only a movie, all of that weight came flushing back in.  Shit.

I've never been afraid of dying, in fact, I think that so much of living is bearable for me because I feel like I have control over how much of my life I will have to endure.  With no religious consequences to consider, I think I look at death as a way out just as those religious may look at heaven; a better place for me to ascend.  I haven't prepared much for the future because I always feel like I'm just making it from one point to another... maybe a task that I have to finish or maybe something to look forward to, but there's no real long-range plan.  For years, it used to be my dog, Shelby, that helped me through the harder times, not wanting to leave her behind.  Now, I guess it's my ailing relatives...  and always having been a person that had control of their life, I resent that I am trapped now.  I cherish the time with them, but all I think about it getting out of here.  At some point, I lost complete control of my life... and quit caring about much of anything.  So buried underneath an avalanche of shit that doesn't seem to stop coming, I live completely on the defensive, only reacting to everyone else's more important thing.  They don't bother asking me what I want or how I am or what I dream about... that's never the question.  If they only knew what I dream about is getting away.  I have a tremendous amount of guilt that my life will start when they're gone.

With my back problems last year, I was afraid to move at all... worried that my back would give out.  And this year, it's the same thing with me having the flu.  I get a good day and then hours later, I'm back in bed.  Coming to grips with my aging body has been difficult having always been the person that could accomplish anything.  It's been a real eye-opener, that I'm not invincible and that the clock is ticking.  I have a sense of fear that my life is over... and that my life is not.  At some point, soon... I need to get a focus... a goal... a purpose.  I need to start enjoying life again, letting go of the bitterness and anger that I have.  To get out from underneath things and do more for me before it's too late.

Why Stop Now?

I saw an interesting movie tonight with Jesse Eisenberg and Melissa Leo... Jesse is a piano prodigy and after a crazy day trying to get to an audition to get into a musical college, this is the piece that he played. I saw a lot of parallels in the movie, but basically, I just liked this piece by an unknown, named Jay Israelson.

Yes, Virginia... There Is...

It came without ribbons, it came without tags, it came without packages, boxes or bags... I ignored Christmas this year, and it still came.  Fortunately, it left much quicker than it came... much like a $10 whore at the end of a long night of tricks... money on the dresser and a slam of the door with no exchange of a number.  Good bye... good riddance... good luck.

Being an atheist, single and not a parent, it seems very logical that I wouldn't be into Christmas, and yet I still tend to fall into all the guilt traps that my friends and society puts on us.  Let's face it, the true meaning of Christmas is buried so far under an avalanche of consumerism, commercialism and hypocrisy, not even the star of Bethlehem can light up a return pathway.  Last weekend, I attended a concert at my friend's church.  It was the telling of the nativity through the songs of the Beatles set in 1969 Pittsburgh.  And while it was excellent (who knew their songs would be able to match up to the birth of Jesus), there were so many perspectives that I lost track of the story along the way.  The message of the whole season is lost any more.

Being a bleeding-heart liberal, oddly, I'm very traditional and conservative in my thinking, especially when it comes to monogamy, love and relationships, but religion as well.  Don't get me wrong, I don't believe in any of it and think it's cult-like and brainwashing and hypocritical, but I have much more respect for someone that follows it to the letter... even though I don't believe a word of it... than for someone who does the a la carte religion, picking and choosing what works for them.  Logically, that rationalization of religion makes more sense to me if they weren't picking and choosing to make themselves feel better (i.e., being a hypocrite) but, for some reason, I'd rather see someone following it whole-heartedly than half-assedly.

"Please, Lord.. let this plane arrive safely without any mishaps or accidents or anyone getting hurt" is my standard prayer when I'm on an airplane.  That's about the only time that I'll have a conversation with 'Him'.  I guess I'm no better than your garden variety Christian... hedging my bets, but from a different angle.  Having been strong-willed since I was young, I've always felt that being religious... needing someone else to give you strength rather than finding it within... was always a sign of weakness.  Are there times I think about if I'm making a mistake by not accepting God... perhaps... but, as with being gay, I have to rationalize it that if I'm standing there on my judgment day and He's in front of me, then it was Him that made me that way... and he'd surely have to forgive me for trying to figure it all out on my own as well without help.  Perhaps I'm too much of a logical realist to just blanketly believe... but He made me that way as well.  It's all His fault.


There's not much about Christmas that I believe in any more.  I don't have a strong sense of family... there aren't any kids around to see it through their eyes... I don't like getting presents... I don't have a partner... I don't believe in running up bills to exchange gifts... or cutting down pine trees for a few weeks... or the religious parts of it.  What it means to me is that there shouldn't just be one day where you are nice to someone or that you spend time with them.. or that you give back or give thanks.  Those should happen all year long, just as you should worship Him, if that's what you believe in.  Meanwhile, for me, it's just another day of trying to be the best I can be.  All the snow, presents and words of good cheer won't change that.

It's That Time of Year...

The holidays are upon us... and it seems like they have been since August.  Whoever says there's a war on Christmas needs to get their head examined; it seems to get earlier and earlier every year.

I took ten days to do some relaxing and visiting in Florida.  I was hoping to meet up with my half-brother Gary for the first time, but that didn't materialize.  Instead, I saw my friends David and David and Rick and traveled between St. Pete, Sarasota, Tampa, Orlando and Daytona.  It was a good way to wrap up a particularly difficult landscaping season but my head wasn't really into it.  I've gained some weight back and wasn't feeling up to laying out in the sun... and I got the flu a few days before I left to come back home, so I was just eager to get back.

I have a number of projects to concentrate on this winter but, first, I need to get myself organized and wrap up a few things before I go forward.  My Dad started his radiation therapy for his throat cancer, so I'm keeping an eye on him, anticipating week 4 - 7 to be more difficult as his throat gets more sore and he won't be able to eat easily.  I'm throwing him a birthday party on Sunday with several relatives that haven't seen each other in many years, so it should be nice.  Thank goodness for my friend Robin who is helping me with the food since I am less than stellar in the kitchen.

I'm doing well with my normal winter depression.  I feel hopeful.  I've already started my diet earlier this week and lost 4 pounds.  I need to get to the gym and get back into my routine.  This is the second end-of-the-season with experiencing back problems and it makes me nervous wondering if I'm going to have a repeat of last year not being able to walk and in bed for months... and how long I'll be able to do this line of work.  At the same time, I'm considering expanding my business next season because I don't feel like I'm accomplishing enough in life any more.  A busy mind is a healthy mind... I have too much down time and I need to push myself.

I'm present in my current self-dealt mood.  It's a good day.

Carrie Underwood Concert

 



Great concert tonight at Consol Energy Center with Chuck. 

The Crush: An Original Poem

Things aren't always as they seem... what's this poem about?

Trek-ing Along

I haven't posted in a while... I have a poem I'm working on... a trip to Tampa for 9 days to meet my half-brother... finishing up my season... and my Dad was diagnosed with throat cancer and I've been trying to deal with that... and really couldn't talk about it (although I need to)... can't deal with logistics and emotions all at the same time. They don't play well with each other. Soon though...

Are We There Yet?

I've been on the go so much over the last couple of months and this past weekend, I attended another Body Electric workshop in Philadelphia... currently at four times attending now.  I blogged about my experiences the other three times, so I'm not going to go into a play-by-play of my experience this time around but, rather, a few other observations. 

The first time I took the class, I was a newbie participant, full of anxiety and apprehension as to what the workshop entailed.  I had a little insight my second time I was a participant (after already having gone through it), so my perspective was a little skewed knowing what was going to happen and when .  With so much of my personal anxiety gone, I found myself living vicariously through the other participants who weren't aware of what was coming.  The third time was a live-in situation where the entire workshop was held at a huge mansion where we stayed there the whole weekend.  The other difference was that I was an assistant for the first time, helping with the setup and logistics of the whole weekend.  This also meant that for the major exercises, we assistants may or may not be needed (depending on the total number of participants), which resulted in a feeling of being half in and out, having only done some of the exercises.  In one instance, we were involved emotionally as if we were a participant and the next, we were attending to some task.  This most recent workshop, with my back still screwed up, I wasn't involved in any of the major lessons, so I had a true 'assisting' experience, mostly being there for the group and not myself.

Before I went into the massage business, I had to seriously think about whether I, a bundle of nervous energy, could actually calm a client down in a massage instead of filling them full of my anxiety.  Low and behold, I proved that I could, but that concern raised itself again this past weekend in regards to my dealing with the other participants.  With the many things that are going on right now in my life, I am particularly full of anxiety and nervous energy.  I also felt that I wasn't up for being prodded emotionally, mentally and physically going into the weekend, but I quickly settled down and gained some center and focus when I got there.

My friends in Body Electric live their lives in a somewhat calm state... they are constantly taking workshops to better themselves and they speak in a low, slow, calm voice.  "I invite you to..." is usually how they start a sentence... and they rarely speak without taking a moment to collect their thoughts.  And while I admire them, this is not me... not by a long shot.  I rarely think about what I want to say... it just comes out and, oddly, I rarely ever take something back I said.  I am usually blunt and don't hold back, so this makes me feel like an outsider in the staff circle.   Also, I am comfortable in the life that I live, almost to the point that I remove uncomfortable situations from even being a possibility.  A good example of this might be my baseball cap.  While I have hair, I wear my hat all the time and don't go into a situation where I can't, except for a funeral or a wedding.  At some point, I have to realize that not putting myself in an uncomfortable situation greatly hinders my life experience.  With all of them being vegans, I was again on the outside when we went out to eat.  And while these aren't all that important, I started to question whether I was totally out of my 'league' and whether I could add to the workshop experience.  Fortunately, while my demeanor isn't like everyone else's, I was able to connect with several people using my intuition and caring, which validates my efforts.  A gift is a present, no matter what packaging or bow you use.

Several things came out of this weekend... first, I realized that while I am different, we all have our ways of reaching out and effecting people's lives.  Secondly, I am no where near where I need to be at either having my body where I want it or being ok where it's at, and that's something that I need to get off the fence about.  Next, I realize that if I'm going to continue to invest in myself with these self-help workshops, I need to move on to the next step to challenge myself to change.  Four times doing the same class isn't exactly pushing me in any direction.  Lastly, I realize that, no, I'm not there yet, and don't think that I ever will be.  Life is a constant flux of change and acceptance, and finding a middle-ground may be a better goal than looking for some end result.  I'm a work in progress... little by little.

What Being American Means To Me

We take a lot for granted;  battles that were waged and won before our time... those who lost their life fighting for our freedoms... more progressed technology and the things that make our life easier... to name a few.  Growing up, I was one of those who didn't think too much about things that were outside of my immediate bubble.  I wasn't involved in politics until I was in my mid-thirties and I didn't really pay much attention to things going on in the world.  While I'm not proud of my ignorance and blind eye, I can honestly say I was more happy then than I am worrying about so much.  Looking at the world through adult glasses yields a pretty dismal view, for the most part. 

I got involved in politics in the Gore/Bush election, and we all know how that turned out.  My immediate thought was to move to another country... and Canada was looking pretty good (eh!).  The puppet movie 'Team America' pretty much sums up the feeling of the country at the time... "fuck yea... we're Americans... we're the best".  It became pointedly clear to me that the rest of the world didn't share our self-love when I was in Paris and received a rather 'cold' reception when I didn't speak much French.  Over time, I became more and more embarrassed by the air of superiority that came over the country... and while 9/11 should have humbled us, it propelled us even more skyward in our 'America-conquers-all-gimme-gimme-you-don't-speak-English-WTF?' mentality.  Yes, the world hates us, that was clear.

My Dad never asked for much for himself.  He got up for 45 years and went to his job on the railroad out in the cold, doing back-breaking work because it was his job to provide for his family, period.  He didn't graduate high school, never went to college and still did well for himself.  That was, of course, in a time where if you worked hard, you could get ahead.  I never went to college... I worked twice as hard as my peers to accomplish all that I had and did well for myself.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to be rich... it's all I dreamed about as a kid.  Even my matchbox cars were all Rolls Royces and Lincolns, but I knew even as a kid that I had some hard work to do, starting out with my paper route around 14 yrs old... and the two jobs that I worked while still graduating high school with honors... and putting in long hours to get ahead.  At some point, I gave up that 'dream' of being rich, and I've never been more happier in my life then the day my life went in a different direction from accounting and management to massage therapy... and then to landscaping.  I scaled back my life and kept my debts to a minimum, not really needing more than I already had.  Turns out my American dream was to be happy... not to be rich... just like my Dad's and the members of his family that came to this country before him who started out with nothing.

With the election, I've been floundering on the different messages hoping, like everyone in the country, that someone would come up with some answers and I could feel good about being a Democrat again.  Watching the Republican convention a few weeks back, I found myself at unrest with the constant speaking about the 'haves, and the soon-to-be-haves'...in a society where winning the lottery or a reality show or sport or music contract (straight off the heels of our mothers telling us that we are so special, that anything's possible) is much more plausible than getting anywhere through hard work.  Lost in their message was any talk about just being happy with who you are or what you have and missing was any connection to the founding father's hard work that they supposedly respect.  In listening to my Aunt talk, some of the best times of her life was when they had nothing, ten of them living in one house and helping out any way they could.  With the middle-class almost extinct thanks to the Republicans, we're now forced with a choice of becoming aggressive and back-stabbing towards reaching wealth or settling into the misery of being poor.  When it was the Democrat's turn, the message was very different... full of stories of people's upbringings and how those before them were only trying to make their kid's life a little better.  It was a simple message that resonated with me and suddenly, I felt my connection back to my party, because that's exactly how I feel.

I don't make any excuses for who I am.  I pull weeds and cut grass for a living. I'd rather break my back than trample over the backs of someone else to get ahead.  Perhaps that's a self-defeating attitude to have, but I know that I am, for once, happy.  I know that I will never be rich and that I'll probably work until the day I die, and that's ok with me.  I can look myself in the mirror every day and know that I am probably more Christian than most Christians in my willingness (without punishment or reward) to do what's right and help my fellow man.  When people look back at my life, it will be my helping others that will measure my worth, not how much money I was able to amass before I died.  I don't begrudge the person who needs all that... but I sure as hell am glad that I don't the way that they do which obviously makes them greedy, selfish, paranoid, angry and never at rest.

I am, again, proud to be (this type of) American.

Being

It's been so long since I've written anything of substance.  In fact, the last time I was on a roll was probably the best time for me... I was probably the most happy that I ever was.  I think that getting things off my chest was doing a world of good for me.  When I stopped, things started bunching up in my head again and now I'm a combination of overwhelmed and angry, especially with all the election stuff going on.  There's so much in my head right now... I can't even begin to write.  Baby steps.  I feel an awakening.  Perhaps tomorrow.

The Pinata

Park -n- Ride: When Cartoons Arouse...

Lots going on... mainly getting caught up after my trip and jockeying vehicles... I bought a new truck for work and gave Terry to my Dad, selling his (my old) S-10.  I'm about to expand the business, taking on a few more hotels that came and sought me out while working... and I have 3 possible decks in the hopper.  It's been so miserably hot and I've been trying to get things accomplished.  But enough of that for now... we need a palate cleanser... time for some cute guys.  When you're in over your head and all you can do is laugh, is it wrong for cartoons to be so hot??

 

Home Sweet Disfunctional Home

After being packed into the airplane like sardines with a screaming child who cried 4.5 of the 4 hour plane ride and two larger passengers that encroached on my personal space... a lot... I finally arrived home.  Last night, I went to Las Vegas Gay Pride Bingo with my friend, Paul, who lives there.  Of course, that bitch gets the first bingo and won a big fat prize.  I didn't fair as well, but it was fun.  The drag queens who were the emcees were very funny, especially Norma Lee Aman (pronounced 'normally a man').  They had a nice crowd and some really nice gifts to give out and raised about $3,500 for their Pride in the fall.  After that, we went over to see my friend, Michael, who manages the country gay bar, Charlie's.  We had a fun time watching the go-go boys and I was out much later than I wanted to be, getting only 2.5 hours of sleep before my flight from hell.  Fortunately, I did my laundry at the hotel, so all I had to do was unpack a bit and now I'm about to (excitedly) look at what my DVR taped while I was away like a little boy spying the presents under a Christmas tree.  You can't shake it, but it is a gift. 

Below is a basic map of where I went this trip.  So much more to see and do... next trip.

Day 6: Bryce Canyon

Monday was a wash... I was so exhausted from the lead-up to the trip and the first couple days that I slept in, had lunch with Chris and Laramee, two guys I met here, at a place called Chuck-a-Rama Buffet.  I pretty much came back to the hotel, blogged and slept for several hours.  I needed it.

Tuesday, hot off the guilt from not doing anything the day before, I got a very early start for Bryce Canyon.  With the temperature to be around 110 degrees here in the hotel area, I was looking forward to getting to a higher plain, where it was only to be around 83 degrees.  I got about half-way there, and due to a rock slide, I had to turn around and go way out of my way to get there.  It turned out to be a blessing, because I got to ride through Red Canyon, which was my first glimpse of the type of hoodoo's at Bryce Canyon, but on a smaller scale.  Hoodoo's, which look like a sandcastle that a child would make in Myrtle Beach by dripping wet sand, are the results of erosion.

I arrived at Bryce and took the shuttle all the way to Bryce Point.  Just like with everything else I've seen out here, you just can't imagine the scale of things.  I've seen pictures of the hoodoo's of Bryce, but I was dumbfounded standing there.  And with everything else, no matter what direction you looked, there was something more incredible than the next at every turn.  Looking down into the valley from up above is incredible, but it's not until you go down into them looking up that you get a true sense of just what you're experiencing.  I started at an observation deck and took the Peek-a-Boo trail down in the valley.  It was warm... about 85 degrees, but not too hot and there was a mysterious breeze blowing, with a storm approaching in the distance.  I felt like I was on Mars.  You just can't imagine such a thing as this.  I continued on the Navajo trail and headed towards "Wall Street", an almost vertical climb up through a group of hoodoos, up to the top of another observation deck.  What's realy awesome is that, while looking up, you can see all the places on the rim of the canyon that you were looking down shortly before.  All-in-all, I think I hiked a good 6 miles.

The road that had a landslide was reopened, so I headed back to towards my hotel area, stopping at a few places along the way.  The other thing about this whole area of Utah is that things change so quickly.  You can reach a summit, and on the other side, the temperature and vegetation can be so different.  Entering into an area much like a higher plain, the temperature started to drop and the vegetation changed to pine trees and by the time I reached Cedar Breaks Monument, it was around 65 degrees and almost cold.  I drove the three mile drive up Brian's Head Point, 11,307 feet high, with a view of 3 states (Arizona, Nevada and Utah).  What's even more incredible is that, from the top, with a 360 degree view, you can see Bryce, Zion, Red Canyon and Cedar Breaks Monument off in the distance.

I leave this morning for Vegas for one night.  I'll meet up with my friends that live there and head out Thursday morning for home.  This trip was amazing... more than I ever expected and a level of beauty that's hard to process.  I look forward to heading back out this way to see the other parks.

Cairn About Something Other Than Ourselves

With the drought and hot weather that we've been having lately, it pains me to see the flowers and plants at the hotel back home die off... no match for a full day's sun beating down on them without the respite of getting a sip of rain and recuperating in some shade. I look at these plants as some may look at their children; nursing them from a seed, nourishing them, caring for them, watching them grow... now if I can only get them to cut my grass or make my tennis shoes tied to a chair in a sweat shop as children should be doing... but I digress.  My dog, Shelby, a Cairn Terrier that passed away several years ago, was the closest thing I'll ever get to having a child... unless you want to count my Dad.  "Wash your hands"... "Don't touch that"... "Sit here and don't move, I'll be right back"... all things that my parents said to me as a kid... and now I catch myself saying them to my Dad.

Currently, in our country, we are so hyped up on this American superiority complex, which has created this selfish, unintelligent, self-important heir about us that isn't appealing, especially to those from other countries.  It's really embarrassing to those who are not like that and, sadly, those who are don't even realize that it's happening since it's their way of life and they never leave the suburbs to see what life is really all about.  News flash:  It's not always about us.  I see this behavior most often when I'm traveling... when you're at a national park around some of the most amazing sights you'll ever see, and the people around me are more interested in the gift shop or finding food to stuff their faces or bitching because there isn't an elevator to take them to the top of a mountain... or why something is so expensive when you can get it at Walmart cheaper.  Guess what... things are expensive and come at a cost... even nature.  All important points to make, but that ends the negative portion of this post... I'm not here to bitch about those people but, rather, point out how amazing it is when you get glimpses of the opposite.

I've met some interesting people on this trip, and one was a forest ranger... something that I've always wanted to do.  It got me thinking about what it must be like to experience these tourists on a daily basis while trying to protect a fragile ecology such as a forest or national park.  Fortunately, I think that the visitors that are drawn to such areas are mostly already eco-friendly and have a respect for resources and nature and give a shit about the planet.  People you pass on trails are friendly and give you a look of understanding of your experience as they experience it as well... it's a comraderie of naturalists, not to be confused with naturists, who are nudists.  I suppose you can be both, but poison ivy may be an unpleasant result of the merging of the two.

Shelby's breed, the Cairn Terrier, was named after the Scottish cairn, meaning 'pile of rocks'.  These dogs were bred, with their wirey bodies, to go into these rock piles and get the rodents that would harm crops.  Piles of rocks are used throughout the world for several reasons, such as marking a grave, marking a landmark or showing the way to passersby.  While hiking in the desert or national parks, I've found these piles of balanced rocks that people make alongside the trails or in the strangest spots.  Perhaps as trail markers to give guidance... perhaps as a way to say that they were there (with passersby adding a rock as they go by (an art display in progress of sorts))... perhaps their way of adding to the beauty of the area... perhaps a way to mark achievement and leave something non-harming other than your footprints...perhaps as a language to other travelers or a way to say hello... or, in isolated areas, a way to give comfort and show civilization... all things that I take when I come upon one.  But perhaps most importantly, it's a reminder of the balance between humanity and nature... and how we should cherish what was provided for us and not take that for granted... and to treat it with care and respect.

I think as with the financial crisis of late and with global warming, we have seen how one situation triggers another in ways we never thought possible.  As is with the earth... and no where is it more pronounced than out in this area.  200 million years ago, things that happened produced other things that happened and it's preserved in the earth.  Down in a canyon, you can see cross-section evidence of layer upon layer of tiny pieces of dust compounding, covered by more and more... and over time, this has made up the earth.  It could have been one 'redneck' that, 150 million years ago (although unlikely, since there wasn't beer or NASCAR invented yet), trampled a delicate root system that was holding together a hillside that triggered a change in water flow and erosion that carved out the Grand Canyon.  Everything we do has an impact.  Using too many paper towels... wasting water... polluting... littering... all things that contribute to the demise of the earth, which would be the demise of us.  I don't think that people get that... or they're just too lazy... or think 'they're American', so they don't have to do something.  Beauty is delicate whether in the case of a fragile flower or a rock.  Fortunately, there are enough of the rest of us doing our part, and more and more wising up... cairn about something other than themselves.