Diverted (iculitis)

Yesterday morning, I was literally walking out the door to go get the remaining grass cut before it got too hot when my Aunt Dolores called and needed me to take her to the emergency room.  A little while back, I took her for her colonoscopy... and her Diverticulitis has been acting up ever since, giving her strong stomach pains.  After x-rays and CAT scans, the diagnosis was that she shouldn't have done as much as she's been doing and should have been resting more.  7 hours later, I finally got back home...

I'm glad that I can be there for her though.  She doesn't have any kids... and she's my Godmother... so technically, after my Mom died, she's been like a Mom to me.  Oddly, I don't have keys to her house... I don't know much about her arrangements... and, if anything, this trip sparked a conversation on getting me up to speed on that sort of thing, since I am (and will be) the one she calls for help.  Her brother-in-law, Lee, has trouble walking and is taking care of his wife, Helen (my Aunt's sister, who has Alzheimers) that he can't do much... and I wind up doing a lot for him as well.  Helen runs him ragged with asking the same questions over and over... escaping out of the house and ending up at the neighbor's house... or he'll find her down in the garage, sitting in the car.  It's a full-time job keeping an eye on her.  It's cute how they all help each other out though... they go to lunch together, then they come over my Aunt's for dinner and then their evening chat out in the driveway.

I wonder if I'll have a 'David' when I'm older?  When it comes to getting older, I don't have a fear of dying as much as I have a fear of living.  I look at them, each with their own problems and think that it would be so much better to cut out before anything happens.  I'm not good at letting people help me... what would become of me?  And then I think that, despite their problems... supporting and helping and loving each other and the quality of their life looks pretty good.  They're a family... they're my family.

It's Groundhog Day.... let's try this again... I'm off to cut grass before it gets too hot.  I can't take the heat as much as I could when I was... younger.

Phoenix (Dust) Rises Again

Another dust storm enveloped Phoenix last night... no one can blame me this time... I wasn't anywhere near there!

It's official... as per my Facebook page (which, as we all know, is the social bible)... John and I are starting a relationship.  We've seen quite a bit of each other over the last week or so... and I've been really happy.  Although only a short amount of time, between fate and how things have just fallen into place, I haven't felt like anyone would fit in my life for a long time.  I find myself looking forward to the future... something I also haven't done in a long time.

I had planned on starting to cut grass by now... but my Aunt called me a bit ago and I'll have to take her to the hospital this morning.  She has Diverticulitis... and it's acting up and she's in pain... my day turns on a dime.  One minute single and cutting grass... the next, falling in love and at the hospital.

Dog Days of Summer

I got a late start to cutting grass this morning and boy, was I sorry I did.  Although it's 92 degrees outside, the humidity must be 100%, because it's miserable.  Sadly for the plants and grass, we've been in a drought period and it doesn't look like it's going to be any better this week.  Fortunately for me, when it's like this and the grass doesn't grow, I don't have as much to cut.  I spent most of the morning filling up 5 gallon buckets watering and fertilizing the flowers, plants and bushes... especially those not near a sprinkler system.  The hotel's sprinkler system is antiquated so it doesn't do a good job or areas aren't watered at all.  I tried to be smart about planting this year, but still... with the drought and sun beating down all day long, it doesn't matter.  Everything dries up and dies.  I have a bid for changing the sprinkler system, but the company requires three bids and we're having trouble getting two more... so everything dies in corporate red tape.

I guess the Romans equated the heat of the summer with the star, Sirius... considering it to be the 'dog star' since it's the brightest in the constellation Canis Major (Large Dog)... and that the star's close proximity to the sun from early July through early September was responsible for the hot weather.

I heard a locust today while working.  They're pretty nasty look at, but always reminded me of summer... playing outside until dark... catching lightning bugs in a jar... night swims in my aunt's pool... playing baseball in our yard with the neighbor kids... and playing hide and seek at dusk, which I wouldn't recommend.  One time, I was running through the yards to hide and ran right into a barbed-wire fence.  It hit across my eye and cut my eyelid open and I had to get stitches.  Fortunately, I didn't get stabbed in my eye with the barbed part or I wouldn't be able to see out of that eye probably.  Oh, the crazy things that you get into as a child.

I have to go back tomorrow morning to get a few things done, but I'm going at the crack of dawn.  This heat is for the birds... or the dogs... and even they are smart enough to jump in a sprinkler or lie under a tree.

YUM !! (Jumping For Joy)

Head In The Cloud (9)

Where are my beautiful vistas?  Where's the ding-dinging of slot machines?  Where's the friggin' mint on my pillow?  I went from exploring the trails of our forefathers to trail mix, back working at the bar last night.

I've been missing in action since I got back.  Partly due to getting back in the swing of things in reality world... getting caught up at the Marriott... dealing with some family stuff... getting back to it at the bar.. but there's been another reason that I've been MIA.  A boy.  Whether you believe in fate, kismet or horoscopes (this was mine this week in the pic), you can't argue with life throwing you a very strange connection, which poses the question:  Do things happen for a reason (and what is that reason)?

After a hard end to my relationship with Jesse, I haven't had much luck since then with guys.  The world has changed... the game has changed... I've changed... and what I need has changed.  Or has it?  Am I still the same person with the same ideals and values and standards or have I lowered them to be in the game?  I don't want to have to change or settle, and while it looked grim that I'd have to or be by myself... life threw me an unexpected curve.


While I was in Vegas, I stopped in at a bar that I used to hang out at to see Paul and Michael, friends of mine from the olden days.  I noticed a guy a few feet from me glancing my way, and when Paul left an hour later to go home, he approached me and asked me where I was from.  When I replied 'Pittsburgh', he about fell off his seat since he is also from here... in fact, he lives 10 minutes from me.  After chatting a while, we (he, his friend, George... and me) left to go see 'Old Vegas' and we had a great time.  I left the next morning to drive back to Phoenix and didn't really expect too much to come from it, but I was wrong.

John and I have been hanging out quite a bit this week since he returned home.  We've had some great communication and have been getting to know each other.  Besides interests, we have so much in common when it comes to our personalities, quirks and traits... and things that were problems in past relationships suddenly mesh beautifully with us.  He's funny, caring, artistic, smart, innocent and has great morals... not to mention he's cute as a button.

Why did this happen?  What did I do to deserve something so good?  And at a time when I didn't think that I could feel things that I haven't felt in years, where is this coming from?  Have I done the work on myself necessary to get another chance at love?  Was that all preparation for something better?  All I have to say is 'who cares'... I'm ready to believe... that I deserve it... that it's worth it... and that it could be just that... love.  While too early to tell.. and with us not rushing into things, my head is in the clouds... and the view is wonderful!!

Sunrise

This is a re-print of a poem that I wrote... I wanted to put a link to it, and couldn't find it through my postings.  For other poems I have written, see "Artistical Shit (Mine and Others) down the right-hand column.

Home Sweet Home

I was glad to go... but I'm glad to be back home again.  Here's the map from my journey... the route that I took is highlighted in orange, starting and ending in Phoenix and deliberate stops or overnight stays are circled in orange.  Some roads were backtracked on.  Altogether, a little over 1,200 miles... which is the equivalent of driving from New York City to Miami!!

Whirlwind of Excitement

After the last 6 days of non-stop movement and exploring, I had visions of making the 3-4 hour trip back to Phoenix from Vegas and crashing by the pool... something I haven't done at all this trip.  That hope was quickly dashed when my wanderlust got the best of me miles outside of Vegas.

Out in the middle of nowhere is Lake Havasu... a desert oasis that has an odd claim-to-fame:  It's home to the London Bridge.  After the bridge could no longer structurally support the increased traffic, it was numbered and dismantled and bought by Robert McCulloch, founder of Lake Havasu and Chairman of the McCulloch Oil Corporation, as a way to bring attention to his fledgling retirement community.  It was put back together as a facade overtop a bridge structure, the area underneath it was dredged and flooded and now it connects the city area with Pittsburgh Point, a peninsula that jutted out from the shoreline.  Unlike London, however, it was 110 degrees out in the middle of the desert.

I continued along the journey that I took to head back to Pittsburgh when Vegas went bust.  I was reminded of, as I passed, the area where, driving the U-Haul packed with my stuff towing my car, I got a phone call for a job finally.  I remember pulling over and thinking about whether or not to turn around, unpack and stay in Vegas.  I will never know if I made the right decision or not.  Being back out there made me wish I had, but when I think of my life now, I feel like I made the right one after all.

I didn't turn the radio on the whole trip back.  It was so nice to reflect on the trip and clear my head.  The 7 days went by so quickly, but at the same time, the first day seems like a month ago.  I've experienced so much over the last week, it's crazy.  As I was thinking about all of that, I looked off into the distance and saw a whirlwind... a weather phenomenon where a vortex of wind forms due to instabilities and created by heat and flow (i.e.:  a tornado)... was forming off in the distance coming right for the highway.  It's a pretty common occurance in the flat desert, but this one seemed to be bigger than the others I passed along the way... it's almost as if Mother Nature wasn't done with me.  Between the dust storm, the oppressive heat and the monsoons... she had a score to settle and the bitch was still coming after me.

After over 6 hours in the car, I finally got into Phoenix and went to my hotel, dropped off everything and decided 'what the hell'... I was going to go get a glimpse of Taliesin West, the famous Frank Lloyd Wright winter home, office and school.  I figured I'd have to climb up some mountainside to catch a glimpse, but they were actually still open, and I lucked into getting a spot in the two-hour tour starting in 30 minutes.  Living so close to Fallingwater, his most famous piece, I've been a fan of his architecture ever since I can remember, and my mission style phase of furniture and decoration was attributed solely to his influence.  The perfect balance between form and function in conjunction with it's environment, every detail is thought out in his work.  I've seen a few other architectural pieces as well over the years, but this was his center-piece.  Situated on 650 acres in Scottsdale, he originally bought this property after having pneumonia, at the recommendation of his doctor.  Although he has passed away, his philosophies are still being taught there as it functions as an accredited architectural school, as well as a private residence.  I can't even begin to tell you what a gift this was to wrap up my trip seeing this.

Over 1200 miles traveled... seven days... three states.... several national parks and forests... Phoenix (Taliesin), Flagstaff, Sedona, Grand Canyon (plus the helicopter ride), the Hoover Dam, Vegas and Lake Havasu and everywhere in between.... seeing old friends (Paul and Michael) and making new ones (Michael (Spo), Pierre, John and George)... seeking closure on my past... and overcoming some weather issues (you can fool Mother Nature afterall)...this trip has been phenomenal.  I am definitely in my element wandering about... exploring, pondering and feeding my free spirit in the warm embrace of the desert.  I'll never be the same.

I fly back home tomorrow morning.

Friends, Old and New

I didn't do a post yesterday because I really didn't do much.  I putzed around all day browsing through stores and walking on the Strip a little bit... doing the touristy thing.  It's been a fairly physical trip and I just wasn't in the mood for expending energy in an earthy-crunchy kind of way.

Last night, I went back to the country-western bar and saw my friend Michael again, with whom I ran into there the night before, since he now manages the bar (whereas he was just working a few days a week when I first knew him).  When I lived here, we became really good friends.... he's such a sweet guy.  In fact, he's the one that took me on my first helicopter ride at the Grand Canyon.  It was great reconnecting with him... and Paul and I hung out all night again as well... both quality people. 

While standing there, a guy next to me (John) asked me where I was from... and when I told him Pittsburgh, he about fell off his seat... because he and his friend, George, are from Pittsburgh... he actually lives ten minutes from me, if that.  We talked the whole night... and I took them to the 'Welcome to Las Vegas' sign and the Fremont Experience in old downtown Las Vegas.  Here, they've revitalized the original Vegas... where all the Rat Pack hung out in the older casinos.  As they've demolished hotels over the years, they've salvaged the neon signs from the casinos and have them on display.  It's probably my favorite thing in Vegas... since I love anything retro.  We had a really great time... and I'm looking forward to getting to know him more back home.  So odd that we had to travel thousands of miles to meet, when we live so close to each other.  Makes you think about how small the world is... and how your path crosses with others, possibly for a reason.  It was a perfect way to wrap up Vegas.

I'm packing up and getting on the road in a few minutes.  I have a 4.5 hour drive through no-man's land back to Phoenix, where I'm staying overnight, then flying back home tomorrow morning. 

John

Paul

My favorite saved neon sign in downtown, Las Vegas

Stripping in Vegas

I've learned that by using sex in the blog post title, it gets a lot more attention.  I didn't strip in vegas... I was on the Vegas Strip where all the casinos are.  Big difference... huge!  I bagged going to Mt. Charleston for a ride to my old neighborhood when I lived here... a half mile from there to Red Rock Canyon... and then to MGM Grand to have dinner with my friend, Paul, who works there.

When I lived here in Vegas, I never went near the Strip... especially to drive down Las Vegas Blvd.  It's mainly filled with Hummer-driving-wifebeater-wearing-Jersey Shore-watching-VIP-wanna-be tourists who are hoping that they win big enough to quit their job and sit on their ass for the rest of their lives.  Doesn't happen, and yet they still flock in here.  You learn to avoid it all really quickly.  I've been here four times before I moved here... I always liked the energy, the lights and the fact that it's open 24 hours a day.  Mainly though, it's sensory overload and visual vomit... something flashing or ringing or spinning and one thing outdoes the next.... you don't know what to look at first.  I met Paul when I lived here and we became friends and remained friends after I moved home.  He's a great guy and we caught up fast, just like I had never left.  He keeps up with me through the blog and me with him through Facebook.  He's one of the good things that came out of the experience for me.

This trip was partly about closure for me.  My experience out here was debilitating, both mentally and finacially.  You can read about it here ( My Time In Vegas (probably my most raw writing ever)), but the short of it is that after being severely depressed, then suicidal, I was lucky to pull out of it at all.  I haven't been back since, and it's been a long road to recovery, processing the issues and moving on and forward.  Despite not being able to get a job, I loved it here.  It represented a fresh start and hope for me which were both quickly dashed... but being back here makes me feel like I wished that it worked out.  I feel at home here... and I fit in well to the environment.  Perhaps someday.  I went past my old apartment complex and walking around sparked some of the thoughts that I had when here of how proud of myself I was for taking the huge plunge... how aggressive I was about making it work... and how I felt as though I had 'made' it... when, in actuality, I never really did.  The area is so fresh and new and clean... you just felt successful, even when that was far from the case.  The apartment was so modern and new... and that 'shine' turned to 'smudge' as I laid in my bed for days at a time without seeing the light of day.

I also went to Red Rock Canyon, which was literally a mile up the road, being that I lived on the outskirts of town.  Here, the most beautiful, colorful rock formations lie in a gorgeous desert setting, littered with Joshua Trees and wild burros.  I used to come here to think and hope and pray that my dreams would come true.  It's still a special place for me, and I really enjoyed visiting it today.

Tonight, I'll head out to my old stomping grounds, Charlie's... the country-western bar where I met a lot of nice people who welcomed me into the community and gave me valuable advice that I eventually took, although not intentionally.... "pack up and go home".  Vegas is definitely home to the troubled and twisted soul... and few make it here.

(Double-click and click again for larger pictures)

Dam-it

After a nice sleep last night, I awoke bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for my ride from Flagstaff to Vegas.  This span of road is pretty uneventful, so I decided to spice it up by going a little bit out of the way to stop by the Hoover Dam.  When I left at 9 a.m., it was 56 degrees... when I got out at the dam at 1 p.m., it was 115 degrees... Yikes! 

Located 30 miles east of Vegas, this dam provides electricity to the whole entire area... if not some of L.A. as well.  I've been there several times before, and with the way the road was laid out and increasing terrorist threats in the U.S., getting over it was time consuming... so they put into effect the Dam Bypass Project, which includes a new highway and a bridge that spans the Colorado River 850 feet above it, and is the longest concrete arch bridge in the western hemisphere... and the second highest in the U.S., behind the Royal Gorge Bridge in Colorado.  What used to take an hour to cross the dam now takes about 10 seconds to bypass it... and at only $240 million ($114 million for the bridge alone).... what a bargain.  Made my trip much nicer and an added bonus was the better picture-taking vantage point.  In the pictures, double click and click again for the large version, and check out how small the people and cars are, to give you some perspective.

I barely put the radio on in the car on the way here.  Driving through the desert offers time to think and room to breathe... it's not suffocating, pretentious or cluttered... it's flat with an unobstructed view... it's simple and consistent and isn't full of surprises.  It's warm in temperature and color, and it invites you in with a spiritual feel to it.  You are aware of time and distance... both in how long it takes to get from point to point... but you can't help feel history here feeling the presence of those before us.  You have to look at every rock and wonder how it got there... eroded and exposed... pushed up from below... or carried via glacier.  You become aware of every little thing and it's fight for survival in sometimes harsh surroundings and with a little rain, you are happy for the sprig of life growing from the dirt or rock or the animal living underneath it... both reliant upon the gift.  You are definitely aware of global warming in this area... and one prime example is how little water is in the resevoir.  When you look at the large picture, notice the coast of the resevoir has the white markings... that's how high the water used to be.  Three years ago, it was half that much.  Conservation is ever-prevelant out here.

If you pass through these parts and don't see or feel these things... take a fucking plane instead because you have no soul or compassion.  Overheard at the dam by a teenager today:  "this is just a bunch of water, let's go".  Yea, kid... forget about the delicate ecosystem and towns of people that rely on this for their existence... forget about all the money and effort and lost lives in the building of the dam... forget about how the area has changed and continues to do so because of this marvel.  Ok, I'll get down from my soapbox now.

I'm in Vegas.  I'll see an old friend later on and go riding around where I used to live.  Tomorrow, I'll be heading to Mt. Charleston, about an hour away, where it goes from 115 degrees at the bottom on the desert floor to about 60 degrees at it's top, around 7,500 feet above sea level.  I used to go here to escape the heat and feel like I was home.  You can see the flora and fauna changing right before your eyes on the drive up... pine trees at the top around the ski lodges.