-1 Magic Kingdom, +1 Magic Kingdom

I am happy to report that after a flurry of activity over at my Dad's with 2 or 3 offers over the last day or so, we are going to the real estate office today to accept one in writing.  With the current situation of the market, it pains me to accept an offer for $136k on a house that appraised at $170k a year ago... but it is what it is.  To be able to move on from this whole situation will totally be worth it.  And considering my Dad paid $14k for it when they bought it in the 50's, he's happy.  He'll get all his bills paid off and still have money left over, plus start to build a cushion from his pension paycheck as well.  All is good.

Throughout this whole process, I thought that my Dad would have a much harder time of it.  I mean, it's his first house... and the one bought with my Mom... and she practically died in it... and it keeps him busy with cutting the grass, etc.  But between sorting through everything in the house and now, selling it... he's been kind of detached from it all.  It's going to be a little emotional for me in a few ways.  First of all, relief... it's been a tough road getting to where we are today... and to not have to worry about it any more is beyond words for me.  Secondly, it is the house that I grew up in and I have so many memories from there.  I don't think that I will be able to drive by it knowing someone else lives there.  It's definitely an emotional sell for me... and it's not just the land and house, but moreso, the lifestyle (family growing up in the 70's suburbs) that I'm selling.  I hope that the new people (a young couple) appreciate what they are buying into... let alone the price that they are buying it for.  Lastly, with all the good memories comes the bad.  What my brother put my Dad and me through over the years has tarnished every surface of that house... and having to clean it and fix it all up by myself was definitely an exercise in my patience.  My anger runs deep, and maybe now I can start letting go of some of that... just in time for my brother and nephew to come around again with their hands out now that they think there's cash lying about.  My brother made an interesting comment a few months back... while I was telling him that I had to pay some of the taxes and bills because my Dad didn't have the money... he said 'what about Daddy's investments?'.... at which point I turned to him and told him that HE was my Dad's investment... about $150k over the years... and look how that turned out.  My Dad probably would have faired much better with Bernie Madoff.

Today I leave for Daytona via Orlando to spend a week with my friend David for a much-needed break, which couldn't have come at a better time... with finalizing the sale today.  David's friend is getting us into the parks free... and my friend Elaine gave me a $50 gift card for Universal Studios that she had, so we are all set.  I have another friend, Ricky, in Orlando that I hope to see while there as well.  I went to the Marriott and got the grass cut yesterday, so all I have to do is pack.

Shame On You

Bonfire Extinguished

Last night, Jesse and I went to a bonfire cookout at Courtney's (his brother's now ex-girlfriend) Mom's, Robin out in the 'sticks'.  They have an absolutely gorgeous log cabin home that they built themselves back on a secluded piece of property... it's spectacular.  Robin is the kind of mom that you don't even realize is a mom because she's young, beautiful, vibrant, funny... and you can see what a tight bond the family has, with her at the helm.  Her daughters are smart, gorgeous and funny as well... and the whole family looks like they've been carved out of cream cheese.  There are people that you bond with instantly and can see right down to the core of their heart right off the bat... and these are the people.

We got there just as it started to rain, so the bonfire was a little bit out of the question... and the lights went out and stayed out until 10 minutes before we left... but we still had a great time.  Good food and drink... conversation... and excellent hospitality.  We managed, with a few gallons of gas and kerosene, to get somewhat of a fire going, but it kept petering out.

I'm really happy with my little family... Jesse, Chi Chi and me.  My reconciliation with Jesse is more than I could have ever hoped for in getting back together... and we are truly blessed to have such a deep, loving connection.  We can't always explain it, but it's just there.  I am very happy.

In other news, I'm still getting ready for my trip... and dealing with my Dad's house.  I'm meeting with my cousin in an hour to talk over a rent to own situation, but in the meantime, yesterday someone put in a cash offer and, although low, I countered and we're waiting to see what happens.  I'm still filled with rage about where we are offer wise in comparison to what the house is worth, but I can't do anything about the market... and to get my Dad's stuff paid off, be able to start accumulating some money left over from his pension every month and have some money in the bank will be such a load off my mind.

3-Minute Meals

These are my favorite Mad TV skits... about a tv chef who tries to show the audience how to make something in 3 minutes, but everything goes wrong and she usually has a breakdown... if you're only going to indulge in just one, I'd pick the tuna melt one.... it's hilarious.

3 Min Banana Split

3 Min Chili Dogs

3 Min Tuna Melts

Progress

It was a busy day... shampooed the carpets... helped Matt move some stuff... looked at a job that I'll be doing when I get back... and talked to my cousin, who still wants to buy my Dad's house (we're supposed to meet on Sunday to discuss).  Although a step in the right direction, he'd be renting it for 6 months until his house sold... I'd rather just be done with it now, but not looking a gift-horse in the mouth.

Discrimination, Right in the Center of the Bullseye

It seems that Target has gotten themselves into a designer 'pickle'. With a recent Supreme Court ruling that corporations and unions can back political candidates, Target took it upon themselves to make a $150k donation one of the candidates for Governor in Minnesota... which just so happens to be a large supporter against gay rights and marriage (supporting groups that support Muslims killing homosexuals).  All well and good, except that Target markets themselves to the gay community and, in fact, the gay community is the largest loyal customer base for the company.. not to mention the designers of a lot of their lines that they sell.  Seems like they are trying to go to the gay prom with a boy AND a girl... and that doesn't sit well with the LGBT communities, or HRC, the largest gay activist group.  They are demanding an equal donation be made to gay issue groups (a little harsh) and calling for a boycott... with a national boycott set for tomorrow (Saturday).

While it's fully in their right to support any one person or ideal, you can't have your proverbial cake and eat it too.  I mean, that's like if Wal-mart denounced pregnancy tests, Sarah Palin and guns in one fell-swoop... the redneck community would be outraged. What it comes down to is that if corporations want to enter the politics ring, they have to be prepared for a backlash and possible loss of revenue... and whether it's truly a gay issue or not, it's a further slap in the face to their loyal customers.  Someone should have thought about that. 

Coincidentally, I haven't stepped foot in a Target in a few months, for one reason or other.  Will I show up and hold a sign?  Probably not...it would only draw out the conservatives... but I will continue to not patronize a discrimnatory corporation.

Roads Converged

Today has been a very trying day... hell, it's been a trying week/month/year.  It's taking every fiber of my being to calm myself down and just breathe.  And nothing out of the normal has actually happened, but I am just one step closer to my nervous breakdown with every day.

I know that my Dad's house hasn't been on the market for that long (3 months), but it's been empty now for a year and a half.  That means about two years or more of dealing with what to do with my Dad's situation... the journey of fighting to get my brother out of his house... getting my Dad to realize my brother/nephew have a problem... and the decision to move here and move my Dad in... and dealing with getting the house fixed up... and dealing with my Dad's financial situation... and now with why it isn't selling, followed by an engaging round of second guessing my every move up to this point.  And all the while, my brother and nephew heaping their shit on top and swarming around waiting for the house to sell, thinking they are getting something more... and my Dad in some sort of daze, just going about his business (toast, Price is Right, horseshoes, repeat).

For one minute, I'm going to be selfish:  I'm tired of everyone getting theirs off the top, instead of the bottom line, after all the work is done.  When I think of all that my brother got away with... and my nephew (not to mention what he was able to attach to the house that will be taken care of with the sale)... it makes me sick.  When I think of what my real estate agent stands to gain from doing nothing, it makes me sick.  With the house appraising at $170k a year ago and what she thinks it is worth, there's a world of difference.  And that difference is her ability to sell and to truly believe in the property to begin with... ie: just because she wouldn't want to cut the grass, she thinks having a big yard is a downfall... just because she, etc., etc., ... it's almost like she's not even trying to put any effort into selling it.  I could understand when we had it originally listed for $178k, but now that it's priced even lower than she thought it was worth, it doesn't make any difference in her effort.  I'm a real estate agent, so I understand the way it works... and the market, but I had much more luck (having almost sold it for $190k a year ago) trying to sell it myself than now.  Lastly, I'm tired of how, if ever, when I do sell it to someone and they get the place for the ridiculous price that they will...I feel that I don't punch them right in the face at closing.

Somehow, I've been thrust into the position of being the responsible one... but for as many dreams as I have about selling the house and taking care of everything, I have just as many about dropping my Dad off at the old house to fend for himself and taking off... and that makes me feel terrible.  How my brother and nephew, being incapable of any remorse or responsibility, can just walk around without any of the burden or having the terrible feelings, is beyond me.  It's consuming me alive... I want to jump out of my skin.  I can't imagine that getting the satisfaction from one day selling it and moving on is a possibility any more.  I am mentally exhausted, weighed down and angry.

I have to figure out if I'm going to try to rent it out... sell it on my own... or just lower the price and be patient. 

Anyone Remember These?

Signs That Things Could Get Ugly

YUM !! (On The Team)

Slack Attack

I haven't been writing much lately... I guess having planned the trip to Florida has made me take a deep breath and let out a good sigh.  I'm glad that I have something to look forward to, and it will be a good turning point... I can come home and think about what my next step will be. 

I put in a full 9 hour day at the Marriott, cutting grass and detailing, etc. for their inspection today.  Although brutally hot and humid, it was great to work hard and sweat a bit.  The grass is still dead, as is mostly everything else... but I had some side projects to do there and that was my focus.  Plus, I was in no hurry.  I received a proposal from the sprinkler company that I need to review and revise.  The system there is very poorly laid out and the nozzles are inappropriate for most of the landscaping that I replaced over the last year or so.  With some minor timing changes, aim and nozzle tweeks, I should be able to improve the system.

My passport expired back in January... It marks ten years since I went to Paris, since that was the reason that I got it to begin with.  Since I look like a Heinz 57 mixture of nationalities and can pass for anything from Italian to Mexican to Middle Eastern, I am usually chosen for the random searches at airports.  I guess I look like the type that would have explosives taped to my boxers?  Not the 'big bang' that I would be hoping for.  This current picture doesn't do me any favors either... and I guess shaving would have helped my chances of slipping through, but it is what it is.  I guess a pat-down from a strapping guard isn't such a bad thing.  Now, with the full beard, I definitely look like a little fat Mexican with less hair. 

I haven't missed camp as much as I thought I would.  I mean, I miss the people but, in theory, I can see them just as much here, if everyone made an effort.  Scott and I have kept in touch and we're still doing our weekly meetings still at the casino.  Last time, we joined the 'players' club and got a free $15 worth of play and used that yesterday.  I wound up losing that and about $30.  On the way home, I stopped at Jesse's and we went to the new casino 5 minutes from his house, where I was able to win back $20... so all-in-all, not a bad day. 

Drop in the Bucket List

Funerals are such a catch-22.... it's always a sad event, but you get to see many people that you don't always get to see, and that makes you happy.  It was good for my Dad to go and see his two sisters (In pic, Rose on left (88), Rose Mary (86), My Dad (83) and my Uncle Mitch (Married to my Dad's sister Theresa, who died ten years ago)).  They are all getting too old to get around, and they don't see each other enough.  It's funny how families sort of fall apart when members die, which is what happened to us.  Gone are all of their spouses (Uncles Buck and John, my Mom, Aunt Theresa and my Uncle Joe).  When you are younger, you take for granted that the fun times you are having with everyone won't last when they're gone and things change.

I don't believe in the whole funeral process... part of me thinks that if you can't make time to spend with that person when they are living, then you have no business being hypocritical by being there in the end.  On the flip side though, it supports the surviving family members... although, after my Mom died, I really couldn't wait for everyone to leave.  I know that some people need closure and it is a respect thing, but it's grueling for the family members, I think.  Especially with the Catholics, who need to have 2 viewings, two days in a row, followed by the burial ceremony the next day and, of course, a meal afterwards.  It's a bit much.  I would like to be cremated... have a little, casual (shorts and baseball caps) ceremony maybe in a park or something where my ashes could be spread back amongst nature... perhaps a sing-a-long... some poetry readings... ring a bell maybe... followed by a picnic (not ontop of me though)... that is the way to celebrate someone's life.

Speaking of life, it really gets you thinking about what you are doing with yours... and how fragile it really is.  My cousin was only 53... and I have another cousin who isn't doing well, who is also young.  You take for granted that you have a lifetime... and you do, but how long is that?

I have been very fortunate to have done a lot of things in my life... I've done a great deal of traveling, I've done a few different careers, I've explored... but you can't help but have some regrets.  When I was 20, I moved to Philadelphia, which was a big move for a kid from a small town... but I wish that I would have had the balls to do it in New York City.  I also wished that I would have back-packed across Europe when I was younger.  I think that going to college would have made my life easier in ways... and I wish I spent more quality time with my Mom when she was alive.  There are other things that I want to do that I know are still obtainable, and I will obtain them... like a month-long cross country trip... that I will do.

I'm a pretty simple person.  And while I don't think that my life is over, by no means (in fact, in ways I feel like I'm right on the verge of a break-through)... but if I had to die in the near future, I think that I would feel content knowing that I did my thing... and hopefully, I did right by others and they would come to my picnic for a piece of corn and a hamburger.

Chainsaw Massacre

I finally had a productive day this week, pulling out the chainsaw to finish up two projects... a tree that needed cut up at the Marriott and that f-ing stump at my Uncle's that I've been fighting with off and on for a few months now... and will still be since I didn't get it all out today.  It felt good to get dirty though.

What are the odds that I have two events that require me to wear a suit without a hat in a week?  Tomorrow I have a funeral of a distant cousin... and my Dad and Uncle Mitch are going, which means that I had to rent a car for the day since we all have trucks and can't fit all of us in one vehicle.  When I get the house sold, we're going to trade in my Dad's truck and get him something easier to drive, since he can't seem to grasp the concept of staying in his own lane... coupled with his tunnel vision of only looking straight ahead.  It's no wonder that old people like big fat Buicks... they're like torpedos... and they only go one direction, like a battery-ram.  Any way, so I have to go out to the airport, get the car, pick up my brother from work and drop him off at his house, pick up my Dad and then my Uncle, drive 45 minutes and sit through a funeral and the after meal (duh, we're Italian).  What a big day out for them.  For me, not so much except the effort involved.  My second job?  (being my family's chauffer).  Surely one that won't pay in the long run.

Alone In A Theater...

Often times, Tuesday night movie night is always someone else's pick, inadvertently... in other words, I may organize it and send out the text of the time and place, but the choice is rarely mine.  Consequently, I have to go during the middle of the day by myself to see what I want to see.  Today, in an empty theater, I watched Annette Bening and Julianne Moore, along with Mark Ruffalo, in The Kids Are All Right... a story about a long-term lesbian couple who both had a child from the same anonymous sperm donor.  Now 18 and 15, the kids start probing around and meet the father, and relationships are forged, and problems ensue.  The view into this not so conventional family is beautifully told and acted... and will be the sleeper movie of the year that snags all the awards, mark my words.

Sun and Fun, Here I Come

I just got done booking my trip to see my friend David in Daytona Beach.  I'll be flying in and out of Orlando which is just 45 minutes away.  I leave on the 16th for a week, and the whole trip is only costing about $350 for the car and flight.  It's so cheap to fly into Orlando.  It will be good to see the ocean... take in some sun... and hang out with David.  We'll probably go to Disney for a day or two as well and I will be taking some day trips myself here and there.  I'll be staying with him at his house.  This will be a good break and diversion.

Vice Grip

Today is a perfect example of how one part good intentions mixed with one part anxiety and two parts depression makes for a full day of taped shows, bad Lifetime programming and lethargic ass-laying-aroundness...  I was supposed to start cleaning today and got none of it started, let alone any of it done.  I got a little derailed this week with the threat of rain (that we finally just had) and. I was holding off on an outside project or two that I could have gotten done.  You think I would have learned not to trust weathermen and the radar by now... maybe I was secretly hoping or looking for an excuse?

In this business, it's hard on these kinds of days not to beat myself up when I just sit and do nothing.  I'm not wired for it... and mentally, it's a disaster in the making.  I guess when I'm busy, the endorphines are going and I'm accomplishing things.  When I'm not, I'm not, and that's not good for me.  Lately, with the addition of all the time that I've had since not doing massage, I'm adjusting to whatever my next step is... I just don't know what it is, is all.  March, April and May were so busy for me with work that 12+ hour days seem normal to me and I get used to it... and it's that catch-22 environment where I thrive, but burn out.  In those three months, I probably worked 5 technically, and I have to remember that at times like this, because right now, I feel useless.  Today was the first real showing of my unmedicated depression in a long while.

I feel the constant weight of my Dad's situation.  Most times, I want to run out of here.  Worrying about him, his finances, the house sale, my brother's situation... it all weighs down on me, not in an isolated incident kind of way any more... but as a constant suffocation.  I sit here thinking about how great it would be to finally get that house sold and fix his problems and then I might be able to breathe... so I sit here every day, holding my breath for something to happen... paralyzed... and this has been going on for a year and a half now.

I held off going away this week, but I think that it's what I need at this point.  I think the sun might be good for my mind... and being away from this all will be the break that I need. 

A Night Of Thrilling Entertainment

I've been in a fog the last couple of days for a number of reasons... the wedding took a lot out of me for one, but I've been battling this neck problem for a while now as well.  I went to a chiropractor today thinking that may help, and he did some adjustments, but there wasn't any 'money' moves in his neck cracking... and I think the electrodes he put on my neck helped my psyche more than my muscles.  I'd probably be a good candidate for electro-shock therapy.  Nothing else has worked (on my mentality or my neck).

Besides being snapped and electrocuted, I met with the irrigation company for the Marriott.  Since mostly everything has been dryed out to a crisp, I wanted to go over the sprinkler system.  Figures, with all the drought we've been having, they showed up when it was raining.  I also went to Costco and got some turkey burgers made with swiss cheese and bacon...  yum!

Tuesdays are a good night for stimulation for me.  First with the movie, then, when I get home, all my favorite shows that are currently in season are on... Make It Or Break It... Hell's Kitchen... Kathy Griffin.... and White Collar.  The rest of the week is bone dry with entertainment.  I used to be more into rating movies in the past... but I've become so complacent with my opinion (believe it or not)... I feel like I show up just to stare at something any more.  Even the plastic-crumpling, chit-chatty, popcorn popping, telephone-texting, gas-passing distractions don't get to me that much any more.  I've hardly had to accost a 13 year old in a long while.  I think as movies get worse, I expect less, so it doesn't matter to me when I can't concentrate.  It seems like movies are either really complicated or really dumb... there's no happy medium.

Tonight's movie was Salt, with Angelina Jolie. She may be a skinny, child-obsessed, Brad-tossing lunatic in real life, but on the screen, the bitch has it together... and no better arena for her than an action movie.  Playing Evelyn Salt, an American turned Russian spy turned American undercover CIA agent turned Russian Spy turned American... the movie certainly had it's twists and plot turns that you never saw coming.  And although there were some unbelievable aspects, you just kind of chuck it up to her character's abilities as a highly-trained agent.  This is definitely going head-to-head with Leonardo DiCaprio's Inception, being the only two really good movies out this year that I've seen so far... and with both of them leaving us dangling with a story left open for a sequel, I'm sure we'll see both again.

Tomorrow, I'm starting to clean the house from top to bottom.  With a day full of the Three Stooges, Price is Right, his senior group's meeting, cards, horseshoes and more cards, my Dad should be out of my way all day long.

Comment Box, Wrapped in Lace

Often times, seeing the hit counter and knowing that someone is reading isn't enough... it's nice to get a comment or two every now and again... kind of like a church collection basket... we like the kind that jingles, but we love the kind that folds.  For me, it's difficult to respond to them... mostly because I am on to something new already... or I don't feel like anyone is reading the posts, let alone the comments as well.  Sometimes I will respond directly to the person if I have their email address... or sometimes I will include my reply in a future post somehow.  This one I received in response to yesterday's wedding pictures and I thought it warranted it's own post...

In response to my previous post about being nervous about what to do with my hair for the wedding, Jaydog said...

"What happened to the suit, spray of baby's breath, and french braid?"

1.  No one could have possibly realized that, with me in a suit and not wearing a hat for the first time since the ice age, history was in the making... and nobody snapped a picture before I changed... much like the elusive Big Foot (with my hair looking only marginally better than it's).

2.  Showing up in a French braid with a spray of baby's breath, although timelessly classic in other applications, would have surely up-ended what was to be the bride's special day and it would have come to a screeching halt almost instantly... no matter how tolerant everyone was of the gays that were trying to represent.

3.  Jesse was doing his part to up-end the bride's special day in various ways:
 
a.  After trying to magically transform a sportsmen's club with dead animals on the walls into a fairytale field of Gerber Daisies (and reaming out his whole family for not banging out the perfect floral table spray (including his linebacker brother))... and after doing the whole bridal party's haircuts and colorings over days prior, he had to do all the up-do's that day as well, so he was tired and a little punchy, putting it mildly.
b.  Speaking of punch, he drank too much the night before and, from what I gathered, all but poured Red Bull and vodka on his choice of breakfast cereal the morning of, so he was not feeling any pain.
c.  What he was feeling, was me.  Being the last to get dressed, and considering his buzz, it was in his dressing room that he choose to profess his undying love to me, like we were on the altar ourselves... meanwhile I just wanted him to get into his tux and shiny shoes and get to the wedding, since it was being held up on the count of us... and although it still wasn't our wedding day, regardless, it was a hard concept for him to grasp, muttering something about they had to wait for the bride and he wasn't ready yet.
d.  During the opening walk down the aisle, he again forgot who the bride was... or at least who he was, as he gave a back-handed, Queen of England wave to the congregation like he was Lady Di, herself, and was blowing me kisses and winking throughout the vows.
e.  During the bridal party's getaway hayride on the way to the reception (don't ask, it's a Washington County thing (out in the sticks, and all))... he took off half of his tux and was flashing people... you can figure out who and with what parts of himself without any further description from me.  The flower girl was crying.  He is mysteriously missing from the picture below, as I would bet good money that he couldn't possibly have stood up long enough to be the one snapping the picture.  It's still a mystery.
f.  During the best man's (him) speech, his brother had to hold him steady and feed him what to say... this only after talking for ten minutes without the mic being on.  Thankfully (for us), he forgot the speech that he wrote down, complete with stage notes (raise glass, exit stage left (which didn't come soon enough)).
g.  With the emotional and physical build-up to the actual event, he had definitely had enough and had a mini-breakdown of his own, somehow in the ladies room (much like the academy award winning Miss Sally Field in Steel Magnolias, during the funeral scene, minus the brown helmet hairdo)... crying uncontrollably... because his Mom was going to pass someday in the next 50-70 years (who, btw... looked timeless in her taupe, scalloped taffetta dress with matching peep-toe, 2" slides (pictured, far left)).
h.  Finally, while wandering about the parking lot in a stupor, he managed to step into a hole up to his knee and fall down.

Although the baby's breath would have been really pretty, I instinctively didn't think that people would go for that sort of thing, so I went with my normal look... middle-aged, thinning, Farrah Fawcett-throw-back, feathery-bullshit, comb-overy, round-brushed, blown-out, back-combed hair-don't, and I pulled it off flawlessly... just sayin'. 

Perhaps this should have been one of those occasions where I just didn't reply to the comment... but no one would have believed it unless it was in writing.  This is why I love the guy though... how could I have possibly been nervous amongst all the clamor that he created (which I choose to believe that he orchestrated solely to make me feel better)?  Do I have my own Bridezilla in the making? 

At the Wedding....

It's Nano Your Business What I'm Listening To...

This was part of a comment on another post, and after the last couple of weeks being back with Jesse, after I read it, it really hits home as to my approach this time around... every word is relevant.  It's from a Pink song...  Cracks in a Crystal Ball...

Sometimes you think everything is wrapped inside a diamond ring
Love just needs a witness and a little forgiveness
And a halo of patience and a less sporadic pace
And I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes


Oh I've felt that fire and I've been burned
But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned
I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned