It always amazes me how some of the people closest to me who say they know me the best... understand me... 'get me'... are the people who know me the least. Whether for selfish or unselfish motives, they can't help themselves. Someone I date who says they understand that I need space physically suffocates me. A friend who, instead of reiterating that they are there if I need them and then stepping back, inserts themselves into my every situation. Most times, I just to be left alone for a bit.
There are times where I just want to scream. I feel so claustrophobic that answering my phone and having anything more than a few minute conversation is so painful for me. I just want to hide and disconnect myself from the world. Most times, I have no where to go... and my family and friends need so much time and attention. Every time the phone rings, I get a sinking feeling... mainly because I know that it's going to be someone that needs something from me. Sadly, I have myself to blame for being the 'go-to' guy and the person that gets things done and I don't know how to say 'no'.
In the meantime, I just hide from people in an odd twist of wanting to be alone and being lonely.
I would like to be a friend who can be here for you to listen as you need me to. I want nothing from you but to get to know you better and build what friendship we can despite the distance between us. I have always felt a special connection with you and hope you think of me as someone who will try to be the friend you need when you need it. Also, I'll always let you have the last cookie :-)
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