YUM !! (Barefoot Summer Is Gone)

Are All Car Salesmen Named Donny?

Today, I drove from one end of Pittsburgh to the other... over 100 miles total... looking at car lots... and oddly, the three guys that I wasn't able to avoid on the lots were named 'Donny'.  I haven't found anything that works... mostly everything I've seen is either not in the range I want to spend ( less than $10k) or a piece of crap.  It's unbelievable how big they make trucks nowadays... there must be some small-dicked designers looking to overcompensate at the auto makers... not to mention the guys that buy them. 

I'm actually to the mindset of maybe buying a crappy truck and buying a better car... especially with these trucks getting 15 mpg or less.  The actual amount of time that I use my truck for work (other than March through May) is one day a week.  Even my old truck got about 18 mpg.  I can save $1,700 a year based on my miles and the price of gas between 15 mpg and 30 mpg.  I'm torn.  Tonight, I'm going to look on Craigslist... and tomorrow, off to more lots.

It's Got to be the Morning After...

As a follow up to every one's comments... I feel fine this morning... a little stiff (don't even go there) and achy, but fine.  Being a massage therapist myself... I'm aware of how it works and made sure I drank a bunch of water, iced it down and did some stretches.  I called off work tonight so as not to agitate it with moving fast behind the bar, just as a precaution.  And yes, what a great friend I have in Robin... she's been a live saver on more than one occasion.  I am very grateful to have her in my life.

I just got a call from the car rental place... they're giving me a Dodge Ram 1500 all for my $25 allowance... it's a much bigger truck than I had.  One good thing I thought about was if I get a newer truck, I can get a snowplow and use it in the winter doing jobs to keep busy... and... if I do get a trailer to tow around... I'll get a truck that could handle the load better (somehow this post has sexual innuendo all over it).

The other people were fine... the kid that was driving got out with just socks on and put his hands on his head and jumped up and down a few times at the condition of his car, saying that he had it sold to someone just that day... never asked me how I was.  The radiator in his car was leaking, but he drove it a mile down the road to his apartment.  His girlfriend was OK as well.  We were all fortunate.

R.I.P. My Truck... And Almost Me

Earlier today I posted about deciding not to buy the trailer at gay camp... then this afternoon, I was running some errands and was sitting at a light... the light turned green... and I proceeded out into the intersection and a young kid and his girlfriend broad-sided me on the driver's side at 35-40 mph, not paying attention to their red light.  Because their vehicle was low and my truck higher up, the impact zone was head-on along the frame and back wheel, which both were bent to undrivable and, most likely, unrepairable.  The truck will probably have to be totaled.  Fortunately, it wasn't my fault and even more fortunate was that a client of mine was in the lane next to his as he flew past him while stopped, and he was front and center for the whole thing, so I have a witness.  After the tow truck came to take the truck away, my friend Robin swooped in and saved the day... she picked me up, took me to talk to the auto body shop... took me to my client's house to get his info... took me to my house to change... took me to get something to eat and then took me to the hospital where, while I was being checked and was getting some X-rays, she called my claim in to my and the other insurance company and set up my rental car appointment for tomorrow.  Robin works for a large insurance company, so she knows the whole process... otherwise, I would have been lost... she's a life saver!!  I ended up with strained back, so I was fortunate.

The funny thing is that I bought that $120 part to fix the check engine light problem and put it on an hour beforehand... and it worked.  What a waste of money and effort, in hindsight.  And, sadly, with my truck being a 1996, I will probably not get very much for it, even though it was in excellent condition.  It was worth more to me running than demolished.  I'll have to go looking for another one soon...  Good thing I didn't buy the trailer... I'll need that money now.

I'm going to miss that truck...

Change of Heart

Yesterday, I posted that I bought a trailer... and after thinking about what I could do with the money, not only to buy it, but the $2,000 additional for lot rent per year, I decided not to go through with it.  I keep trying to get back to a place at camp where I truly enjoyed it... before I knew everyone there... before my massage business... before the bartender job incident... before the owner throwing me in the bushes in a stupor last year... before meeting a few boyfriends down there... and before my social phobia.  I just can't seem to find that enjoyable and peaceful state down there any more, short of my friends Scott and Ricky being down there and getting to see them.  It has a different meaning for me at this point... and it only takes me about two days for a wave of unhappiness to hit me and I can't wait to get out of there.  I thought that buying the trailer would help me push through some of those issues, but then it hit me that I don't have to prove anything to anyone, so I just don't want to put myself in that position any more.  I also realized that, in anticipation of winter coming, that I was also doing it because I thought that it would keep my mind occupied and maybe I wouldn't get as depressed.  I'll still go down every once in a while to see Scott... but that's probably about it.  I also want to stick to my original plan of getting a small trailer (like the one in the picture) that I can pull around the country... so that played a part as well.  I also would rather take my excursion vacations than sit in one spot every weekend.

On a therapeutically-positive note, I wasn't scared shitless in the tent this time... pushing myself to face my fear really helped.

More Tids and Bits

What a bitch today was... first, I stepped on a two inch jagger from a stupid tree we have in the parking lot at work and it went right up through my shoe and about 3/4" into my foot.  Ouch!... then, after trying to get as much cut in between raindrops last week and not getting it all done... and then to have it rain 7 days straight... the grass was so high, it felt like it was spring again..  I have been cutting on setting 3 over the last month or two... and today, I had to boost it to the highest level so that the lawnmower wouldn't gag itself out.  I will say, with all the rain, everything is growing beautifully... almost overgrown, especially the annuals.  Some of the leaves are beginning to fall off the trees already... time to chase leaves all around the 12 acres property.  There are more pictures below.

I can remember back when I first started blogging and I got so excited when I hit the 1000 mark of hits on my blog... now, I'm well into the 30,000's... I can't believe it... over 30,000 just from the U.S. alone.  It's crazy how much it's taken off over the last year.  To quote the fabulous but always brooding Miss Sally Field in her acceptance speech... "you like me, you really like me".

I've had to disable 'anonymous' comments again... I can tell that my stalker is lurking around again from the comments I'm getting.  It's odd how I can tell it's him from his postings... he comments like we've known each other for years when we met one time for coffee... talked about our common foot fetish... and after an altercation outside of his store telling him to go the fuck away, he rears his head every so often making my life miserable.  It's really pathetic, when you think about it. Really dude?  You  have nothing else better to do than to bug someone that wants nothing to do with you?

On my way home from 9 hours of cutting today, I stopped at my Aunt's house to tell her that I wouldn't be back to finish her small landscaping area for a few days since I've decided to (literally) run away from home for several days... and she cornered me about a flourescent light that's been blinking for several months now but every time I suggested that I fix it, she's said to forget about it.  Apparently, now... she can't forget about it... and neither can I, as she absolutely cannot spend another day without it being fixed... by me... all while, I was trying to get out of here to go camping... the weather is supposed to be good and there's a trailer that came up for sale for $2k that I may look at while I'm there.  Add $2k for the yearly rent at the campground, and while it's not a huge investment, it's still more than I'm ready to jump into... especially not being able to get it off the property to tow it around (it's blocked in by the deck and roof now, so it'll never be able to be moved)... and it's at gay camp... a place that has caused me some stress over the last couple of years.  When you buy something there, you feel compelled to be there all the time... I don't know if I want that any more.  I have some thinking to do about it.  Anyway, I hope to leave in the morning for a few days.  If there's a post tomorrow, then I backed out of going... if not... then chances are I'm gone... maybe for good.  A girl can dream, can't she?

Tids and Bits

It was a crazy week this past week.  I spent most of it trying to get my '96 truck inspected and then when it failed with a 'check engine' light, I've been trying to figure out the codes and get the replacement sensors.  I installed one and I'm waiting for another to come in the mail.  I'm not logistically stupid, but I'm not mechanically inclined... I can do plumbing and electrical, but work on a car??  Forget it.  I have the basic knowledge to figure out what's wrong with it when something happens, but to point those parts out under the hood, ah.... no.  It's a great truck, so I can't complain when I have to put a few hundred bucks into it... it's paid for... but this is why I always had new cars... so I wouldn't have to do maintenance.

My Aunt decided that the few sprigs that were sticking up above the hedge line was cause for an immediate major landscaping overhaul, so I trimmed every bush and tree in her yard, and bought her new Malibu lights since the ones that were in the ground for 15 years didn't work more than they did.  She never understood the timer, so every time the electricity went off for more than a few hours... and, subsequently, they didn't go back on at the normal time, I had to ride over there and fix it.  As I was pulling the wiring out of the ground, some how, when I was trimming the bush next to it and nothing happened... I must have unearthed a house of bees.  I started feeling this stinging and couldn't figure out what it was... then I knew.  I'm sure the neighbors got a kick of me running through the yard swatting bees and screaming like a little girl who just got her first Barbie... jumping up and down and sprinting around the yard to escape them.  I don't know how the Honey Badger does it when they attack a nest for the honey, but it hurt like hell.  The score:  Bees +5, David -5.  I got stung at least 5 times.  After 6 cans of bee spray, I was able to pour gas down the hole, catch it on fire and eradicate the house of bees.  Final score:  Bees -400, David +400.  Then I went over to finish off the nest at my Uncle's... and had 5 nests at work in the handicapped signs the week before.  It's definitely the year of the bee... and after seeing a documentary on how if the bees were extinct, we'd be dead soon after, I feel bad killing any, let alone the hundreds I have killed on the latest spree.

It was a busy weekend at the bar both nights.  There was a drag show last night that was pretty funny... they did the Wizard of Oz... Dorothy looked a little more like Bette Davis than Judy Garland, especially with the cigarette.  I got 3 hours of sleep Friday night and I slept until almost noon today.  The Assistant Manager quit last weekend when I wasn't there, so they approached me on taking the job.  Probably more hassle than it's worth, I'm going to continue to just go in, do my thing and get out of there unscathed and unresponsible, except for my drawer. 

The rain will be out of here today and the next 6 days are supposed to be beautiful... 75ish during the day and 60ish at night, so I have a few projects to do... cleaning out my garage... finishing up at my Aunts... a plumbing job for a friend... but what I really might do is go camping for a few days while it's nice... since I didn't do anything for Labor Day weekend.  It's been so hot all summer long... then so rainy... I haven't felt like being outside at all.  I make up for it in the fall, having a few small trips that I need to plan and then something in the winter.

Full Circle

My Mom wanted to be a singer, so I grew up listening to all kinds of music, including Big Band.  My Uncle Joe played the accordion, and I couldn't wait to sit front and center at every family event that he was playing, later inspiring me to take piano lessons.  Growing up, I used to ride my bike over to my two Aunt's houses to visit and I'd help them with what they were doing... I learned that from my Dad, someone who would drop everything to give you the shirt off his back.  When I was twenty and just coming out, my group of friends were mostly older and I was exposed to the arts, often times finding myself sitting down at fancy 8-course dinners on a beautiful island or attending the theater, opera and symphony.  By 23, I was in a management position responsible for 30+ people and training people twice my age as the corporate trainer.  By 30, my mother had passed away along with several beloved aunts and uncles... I had had several long-term relationships, was a Controller for a steel company, moved at least 15 times in my life, bought my first house and had traveled to Europe, Mexico, Canada, throught the U.S. and practically every island within 400 miles of San Juan.  I followed that up with going to massage school (learning touch, nurturing and compassion) and opening my own day spa.
 

I guess I grew up with the TV as somewhat of a babysitter, but we didn't have an Xbox or Playstation to warp our interaction with others... and we didn't have the internet or texting to hide behind.  You didn't get to know someone on Facebook or through chat... sex wasn't in front of a web cam, and socializing was done in a setting face to face.  At the risk of sounding old, the twenty-somethings of today are really messed up.  I'm not sure if it's because of the interaction with mechanical devices or the absence of two parents in the household through working or divorce, but these kids today are socially inept. 

I guess coming out in the era where contracting HIV and AIDS was a death sentence, we were afraid of it.  We didn't have an easy cocktail to erase all the bad.  You couldn't push a reset button and start the game over again like they think they can now.  As a result, we had to connect with the other person on other levels other than sexual and, now, there's no sense of monogamy in these kids and, with a deep-seated selfishness, it's every man for themselves... taking everything they can get with a disconnection of any emotion or responsibility or thought for the other person.  There's no caring for your fellow man when all you care about is yourself.  The tag "Emo" bestowed on the current generation is actually funny since they aren't capable of any real emotion, just when things don't work out their way, like they have it so badly.  Defensive, self-righteous, instantly-demanding and entitled have replaced any sense of humility or humble nature.  Go out and get you some life... incur some baggage... see something ... experience something... and then you'll be somebody.

After my severe depression episode in Vegas, I came back with little self-worth and was reduced to child-like basic ways of getting through things.  At the same time, younger guys started coming out of the woodwork, approaching me.  With my helping nature and codependency, I jumped right into a parentally-instinctive role of helping them through their problems and, in turn, I didn't think about my own.  It's been a long road back, first feeling that I could relate to this child-like mentality, then feeling that I didn't deserve anything more, then taking a guidance role and one day I woke up and realized... fuck... I did the work on myself... I show up and do the work in the relationship... I'm a great person who gives 110% and I deserve better than it always being about the other person... the child, in this instance.

Once feeling a relation to my past at a point where I may have gone through what they currently are, I spent a lot of time recently thinking back to my 20's to remember instances where I was like this and realized that I never was like that.  I was never a vapid, self-centered, shallow person so why would I want to be around that now?  Of the last 5 relationships, all being with 20-somethings, I received not much of anything from them.  Nothing.  Little support, help, concern or compassion, as well as sparse communication.  I helped them through their problems, supported them in their thoughts and dreams, gave up things for them, invested money, considered them before myself, held them, loved them and got little if anything in return.  They didn't have one minute to read my deepest thoughts on my blog, but could spend hours a day on YouTube or Facebook reposting stupid shit that nobody cares about.  Get your own thoughts, make something of yourself... put some effort into shit... You're not a child any more.  And while relationships are give-and-take, I'd settle for me giving 90% and taking 10%.  That doesn't even transpire.  Time after time, I allowed this to happen, only having myself to blame, really.  I am done with it.  I am distancing myself from these blood-suckers.  Love you?  I don't even like you as a person.

The other day, Cubby sent me this picture... and I realized that I have been acting like a wounded, broken person and I am anything but.  When there's so much crap around you, you instinctively look at yourself (or you should if you take any responsibility for your actions)... and I did.  Guess what, as hard as it is to believe, it's not me.

I met someone my own age last night and have been talking to someone else that I went to school with.  I have come full circle from grown-up relationships to playing house back to grown-up relationships, be it friendships or love interest.  I have gotten rid of some people in my life that just continued to take and take and my life is better for it.  It's been said that my expectations are too high... that I require too much from people.  If basic common decency, some understanding and interest, mutual compassion, respect and consistency are too much for someone to possess and give, then I don't need that person in my life... I'd rather have no friends and be alone.  While I'm sure I sound bitter, I'm not.  I believe that people come into our lives for a reason... these people taught me I deserve more and I'm a good person.

In one last bit of parental advice that I can give... from someone who has moved some 38 times in my life... you have baggage... it's going to go with you wherever you go... you can't hide from it, so you might as well open it up, take responsibility for it, sort it out and work through it... sooner than later is much better... It's been a 30 year journey for me... and I finally reached the destination.  It sickens me to think how my life would have been drastically different had I not blamed everyone else for twenty years.

YUM !! ( I See Right Through You )

You Never Forget How To Ride A Cycle

Right before I went on my trip to Cancun, back in February... was the last time that I had anything to do with my brother.  He has sent me a few texts here and there (on his birthday:  "Hey Dave, it's your brother.  It's my birthday... Happy Birthday to me" (not like we got texts on our birthdays)), but I have ignored them.  I received another one yesterday morning: " Hey Dave, it's Dan.  Just wanted to see how you and Pap are doing".  I immediately thought 'here we go again'... and, low and behold, the doorbell rings a few hours later, and it's my brother.  My Dad beat me down to the door and by the time I got to the top of the landing, I look down and there's my brother and I hear my Dad saying "Dan, I can't give you any money".  With that, came the usual song and dance about how he's going to lose his job if he doesn't get a bus pass to get to work and he doesn't want to lose his job... and he'd pay us back (hahahahahahahahahahahahaha).  If I had a nickel for every time he said that, we would have broke even by now.  I know his cycle like the back of my hand... if he's asking us for money, he already is using and probably lost his job already as well.

The thing with an addict is that they are so intent on getting the fix, that they will say anything or use any tactic or lie to get what they want.  I don't know if it's premeditated (the story they concoct) or the lies just roll off their tongue, but it's actually quite impressive, either way.  Unfortunately, my brother can't think faster than I can, and he can't beat me down like he can my Dad.  I'm always up for a good debate, so I engage, and then about 6 minutes into it, I realize that I already won, having control of what he wants... and then I get angry that I'm having to waste my time... and how the perspective of the conversation is always about him.  Why we should be concerned about whether he gets to work or not or has a job or not or loses it isn't any of our problem any more, but he thinks it is.  Maybe because we spent so many years carrying him... helping him... wanting him to get straightened out... but now, who the fuck cares.  In fact... and this is going to sound terrible, but the day that he dies can't come soon enough for me. 

Lately, I have had a few friends and some acquaintances lose a sibling to overdosing... and when I hear those stories... my first thought is why can't I be so lucky?  Why can't we finally be rid of that problem?  And although being in a halfway house... being in jail... being in a good work environment... being in a relationship... all of those scenarios have not brought us peace... I'm not sure why I think that death would bring that for us either.  I'm hoping that it does, to all of us, him included.

Now, before you judge me, make sure that you have first-hand experience with an addict... that you have stood by helplessly as nothing you have tried has helped... that you have witnessed the irreversible destruction of your family and the breaking of the spirit of your parents... that you have been put in a financial crunch because of their actions... and have put your own money out... over a hundred thousand dollars...that your spirit has been broken and your trust for people gone... that you have had police officers come at all hours of the night... that you have found drugs and paraphernalia hidden all throughout the house (the needles used to spell "ASS" in the pic, I found in a chair cushion.. along with the dime bags)... that you have had to clean splattered blood off the ceiling from their injections... that you have had to walk into a jail to visit.... when your life has drastically been altered as a result of their actions... that you have to question everything they say... that you have dropped them off at a rehab facility a dozen times, watching them waste good taxpayer money on a lost cause, then have to listen to all their big plans and how much they've learned only to have them turn around and use three hours after out... blah blah blah... the list goes on.  Then, and only then, can you judge.

Since I'm probably going to be next of kin, I have often thought about what I would say about my brother at his funeral.  I tried to think of one good memory of him yesterday and I couldn't.  Even if I did, it would be foreshadowed by 20 years of crap.  It will be difficult for me not to stand there with a smile on my face.  I have so much guilt over this, but he has driven me to this point of no return.  All I can see when I look at him is a lost cause... a for-not use of resources... and a waste of good air breathed. 

And just as easily as I have forgotten all the bullshit and had a period of peace, it's all stirred up instantly yesterday... and I go from at peace to inflamed in a matter of minutes.  I awoke this morning at 4:30 a.m. from a nightmare about him and, thinking that I heard the doorbell ring, I got up to check and then couldn't get back to sleep.  So many sleepless nights.  So much unrest.  Never an acknowledgement of wrong-doing... never an apology... never a concern for anybody but himself.

I used to do a series early on in my blog where I would take a family picture and put a humorous twist on it... If I don't find something to laugh about, I'll cry.  For posts on my brother, see...
All About Me Monday #1
All About Me Monday #2
All About Me Monday #3

(A) Stuck in the Mud

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday... each day passed and I didn't make any final decision on where I wanted to go this weekend (gay camp, Myrtle Beach, Columbus, anywhere but here)... so I just stayed here.  After feeling like I just had to get out of town after a particularly draining (people needing things from me every moment of the day, every day) week last week... crawling in the skin I was in... claustrophobic and anxious and seeking solitude... I was so overwhelmed, I just gave up.  Part of it was the 95 degrees humid weather... and part of it is realizing when I'm in a funk, listening to myself and acting accordingly, rather than get myself into a situation (going to Myrtle and being by myself too much, going to gay camp having to be around 700 people) that I knew I'd be unhappy in. It came down to... 'where would I least detest myself?'... and the answer was here, in Pittsburgh.  I kept busy... I had a few parties to go to... shopped around a bit... got some things done... saw The Help. I had a nice weekend.  It's a double-edged sword... being in-tune with yourself.  It paralyzes me... I second-guess or overthink everything and, case in point, I wind up doing nothing.

I'm supposed to have an 'interview' this week for a van driver position at the Marriott through the winter to keep myself busy.  Instead, I've decided to commit the time to the dog walking, arts and crafts (see Zombie Felties), my bar job and getting back into shape like I did last winter... at least up until December.  After that, I may get some sort of fun holiday job... or something in a coffee shop or something.  I also want to do two sunny trips this winter... one in December and one in February.  This helps so much with my depression, which I can already feel the onset early this year.  Eating better, staying active, being in the sun and working out are my first line of defense... but I have pills and I'm not afraid to use them to get through it.

I'm learning more and more to trust myself... that I know my body and my mind.  Sometimes it's a bitch... but sometimes it pays off in the form of a more stable and happy me.

Mistaken Identity

Someone sent me a message anonymously that warned me that there was a full-frontal picture of me on a website called (Candy Palace) ... complete with my 'signature hat', he said. 

Now, I have been known to have a few nudie pics out there on the internet before, but couldn't remember which one it could have possibly been.  So I went to the website and perused the pages (76 of them, just to be sure (wink wink, tug tug))... and couldn't find any pics of me.  Then he sent another link to this picture... and, God bless him... he thought this was me


(click on "Candy Palace" above to see the pic with his weiner). 

There's one HUGE, glaring difference between us... I don't have an STP t-shirt.

Download or Print Your Blog...

There's a web site Sharedbook that will allow you download your whole entire blog... pictures, comments, etc... and either download them into a PDF file for $7.95 or print them out into a book with a cover and index... and it prints the pictures out in color and lists the comments right underneath it.  You can pick the cover and the cover and back pictures, put a dedication in the front page and some other options as well.  This works for Blogger, Typepad and Wordpress.  You can see an example of one here... Blog Book Example

I recently did mine, but had to download it into 3 parts since it can only download 1500 pictures at a time and was almost three years long.  It can get costly with the printing... one of mine was $150 for one year's worth.... but for $7.95, you can't go wrong... you just download it to your computer.  I now have mine on 3 PDF files that I can take and print out myself if I wanted to.  It's definitely worth it to preserve your history.

Some page snapshots:

What Do You See In Me? (An Original Poem)

               

The Entrapment (An Original Poem)

...stop grabbing
   ...stop prodding
      ...stop staring
         ...just stop altogether

Circling around in this dense space
trapped in expectations, no room to breathe
unable to be freed, mounting
...constraints
   ...demands
      ...obligatory actions
         ...responsibilities
            ...needs to be fulfilled

The pressure increases but there's no release valve
walls closing in, exhausted, I have
...no voice
   ...no energy
      ...no plan of escape
         ...nowhere to go
            ...no strength

Is this my life?  Is this my destiny?
am I never to reach an area of freedom, do I
...bring this all on
   ...look for this
      ...harbor this environment
         ...feel safety in it
            ...know nothing else

If the door opened, would I run far away to something that may not be there
...taking a risk that I'd be there, then what?
If the door opened, would I shut it sealing my destiny and confirming my fate
...feeling I didn't deserve anything better than this madness?
If the door opened, would I just sit there in disbelief that I had a choice
...afraid to make one?

With the open door comes the chance of more coming in than escaping
My closed door is a safe harbor as well as my plight, a dual-edged sword
that very well may be the article of my impalement
Without any idea of what freedom is, how would I know if I had it?
Would I want back in?
I may never know

Tids and Bits

The weather lately has been awesome... down into the 50's at night... finally the hot, humid weather is out of here.  I know some of you love it, but try working in it day after day.  I love that the leaves are starting to fall a bit and the air is crisp.  I have many festivals and such to attend this month and next... I love this time of year.  The picture is one that I took a few years back... I love the picnic tables lined up... it screams 'summer is over, time for caramel apples and pumpkins'.

This past week was crazy.  With being down at camp, then the bartending nights, then three projects over the weekend... I'm worn out.  I'm still on babysitting mode with my Aunt and it seems as though, once a strong and independent woman, she has settled into the role of helpless quite nicely.  I understand that, at her age, it takes longer to bounce back from a surgery, but you have to know her to get that it's not exactly physical... it's more mental.  Now over three weeks from getting out of the hospital, she has barely left the house... and hasn't driven either.  This, from a person who had to get out of the house every day.  Her doctor told her it would take a good 6 to 8 weeks before she felt better, and I think she's bound and determined to hit that time frame exactly.  I'm thinking about going to lunch with her... and having her drive, to break the ice.  In the meantime, I'm running over there several times a day.

Last night was the volunteer orientation at the Humane Society.  We were there for a few hours learning how to put a collar on the dogs and getting them in and out of the cages and the building and we walked a few in the designated area around the shelter, which is one block from John's apartment.  Oddly, in the 7 weeks that I've known him and been over there, I've never seen volunteers walking dogs, until last night.  Anyway, I'm excited about this opportunity... I walked Jake last night, a golden lab... he was such a great dog.  He did make a sissy on the sidewalk though... and I had to clean it up... have you ever cleaned up runny poop off a sidewalk?  Not fun.  The great thing about the program is that there's no set times for the volunteers to come and go... you just go when you can and walk a dog... or 20... so time-wise, it's very flexible.

I volunteered to assist at the Body Electric class that I took twice before.  The recent one that I cancelled when I met John is the next step after this one... so that may be in the future.  In the meantime, I'm excited to help out in running the class.  It will be a new perpective seeing it from the outside rather than being a participant.  I'm happy to be back involved in it since I really believe in the process.  The class is the first weekend in November in D.C.

Here it is, Wednesday of Labor Day weekend and I still haven't figured out what I'm doing.  My choices are Myrtle Beach to see my old friend, Brad (who is usually working a lot and busy sponsoring at AA)... going to gay camp and not having a relaxing time, knowing everyone down there... and Columbus for a few days... which sounds like the best to me.  With a number of friend problems lately and all the running around I've been doing, I'm overwhelmed... yesterday, I thought about dismantling the blog, deleting Facebook, cutting my phone down to just call service and possibly running away from home.  I'll make up my mind today or tomorrow about the trip.

Although my contract runs up until the end of November, I'm already thinking about what to do with myself for the three months I'm off.  The Marriott wanted me to come drive the shuttle van which could be fun... and I still have the bar on Fridays and Saturdays.  I'd like to just putz in some sort of retail or coffee shop position... something out in the public to get in the Xmas mood.  Since I'm not doing it for the money, it makes it easier to choose.  I would also like to do another push for working out like I did last year... in fact, I'm using November's class as the deadline to get back to what I accomplished back in January and February.  I have yet to curb my crappy eating and make it to the gym consistently.  I've only gained 5 pounds of it back, so I don't have a ton of work to do... but motivation isn't my strong suit at this point.  Perhaps tomorrow?