Happy Trails; Inny or Outy??

The holiday season is upon us and besides everything tasting like pumpkin spice or candy cane, it's a time for get-togethers and gatherings and all the hustle and bustle that the holidays have to offer.  Fun, right?  Who doesn't like to put on a new outfit, be in the spotlight, catch up with friends and family talking about everything under the sun... being out and about socializing and going to events and dinners and clubs and parties and visiting and shopping and cooking and the music and noise and ??  Who doesn't like all that??... introverts.  And like myself, they hate this time of year and look at it with utter dread and anxiety.  If you're excited about all of that stuff that I mentioned... chances are, you are an extrovert (or 'outgoing', as it's more simply referred to).  So, are you an inny or an outy?  And before you check your abs for the answer... your schedule is more of a tell-tale sign of which you are.

Outies (extroverts) are seen as the life of the party.  They love the limelight and being out amongst people and don't do so well when they are by themselves, often immediately reaching for their phones to communicate with someone because they are easily bored and afraid to be alone.  They do well in public speaking and political positions but their need to be talking on the center stage gets them into trouble when they don't think beforehand.  They seek out exciting things to do and are more apt to be on a sports team or out socializing in a bar.  They feed off their constant need for attention and interaction and small-talk and tend to suck the energy right out of someone as their fuel and using it for the 'show'.

Innies (introverts) are the exact opposite and are most times misunderstood as shy, stuck-up or boring.  Shyness has to do with fear of social judgment, whereas introversion has more to do with how one responds to their environment.   A situation that overstimulates the central nervous system (like a sporting event, for example)... which would excite or engage an extrovert, exhausts and overwhelms the introvert.

Introverts are most 'alive' and 'switched on' when they are by themselves and are ok with being alone and, in fact, crave it.  They would much prefer being with one or two close friends pondering life's questions or something philosophical than being amongst a crowd talking idle chit-chat.  They withdraw in crowds since a noisy bunch of people drains them of their physical energy and makes them feel more isolated than engaged. They get distracted often, but are bored rarely due to increased sensitivity to their surroundings, their attention span is easily pulled in another direction. They are drawn to detail-oriented, creative an solitary careers.  They dive into tasks one at a time and take their time making decisions or solving problems, so professions that give them the mental stimulation without the stimulating environment is best, for example... as a writer.  When in a crowd, there's always an exit strategy.  Feeling physically uncomfortable, they tend to stay near the exit, near the back or in an aisle seat, avoiding being surrounded by people on all sides.  They'd rather drive themselves so they can come and go as they please. They physically cannot stand to be on the phone since it's a distraction and full of small-talk. They literally shut down when it's time to be alone.  Solitude is valued as a way to take time to regroup and refuel.  In the cup half-empty/full scenario, energy is taken from the introverts cup with interaction, whereas it is constantly refilled from an opportunity for interaction with an extrovert.  They are intense and don't know how to 'lighten up' or 'dial it back a notch'.  If we're in a conversation, it's most likely about politics, religion, money or relationship stuff... all social no-nos.  That's where we thrive.

I really respect, applaud and envy the extrovert, but for me, just having someone ask me to an event starts an anxiety attack avalanche and I get tired even starting to think about it.  Trying to get out of it.... wondering who will be there, making sure I drive myself so I have a way out, trying to make it through the idle talk about nothing important and having to be 'on', with my spirits up, having to get dressed and battle crowds, meeting new people, thinking about what excuse I'll give to leave before I even get there and how I will sneak out without having to say goodbye to everyone... it's all so exhausting that it truly hurts emotionally and physically and is why I stay home instead.  I can't describe it any easier than that I am in constant pain the whole time.  As a bartender, I loved having the physical structure of the bar as a barrier... and building decks and landscaping lets me be outside by myself.  And the older I get, the more alone I like to be and seek out solitary things to do...  hiking in the desert... kayaking in the middle of a lake... taking a drive in the country... all things that energize me and cuts people off from me.  If I do have to be amongst people... I like to be on the sidelines where I can just watch and listen and process but not have to interact.  I don't go to a bar to talk to people.... I go to observe.  I want to be as close to the action without being in it.  Or meeting with a friend or two and have an in-depth conversation for 5 hours over coffee.  That's my stimulation.

Two of my relationships were with Italians, so the holidays were always chaotic and loud, so I would always drive separately because I could only take so much.  My best friend always includes me in their family gatherings around the holidays, which I really appreciate, but just the mention of it starts the process.  They are the people closest to me and yet I feel so isolated when I'm there (having nothing to do with them specifically), even more than when I am by myself.  And talking about Christmas plans before I even get through Thanksgiving is excruciating.  I think my head will explode.  One social interaction at a time.  As a child, I used to open my gifts up in my room rather than in front of people and spent a lot of time in my room with my things.  Several days before dinner now and all I can think of is how nice it will be to back home in my own controlled surroundings with my things.  Home sweet home means more and more to me as I get older.