A Rosary By Any Other Name

Relationships of any kind are a lot of work, but anything worth having takes effort and sacrifice, otherwise it has no value if it is obtained so easily.  Through determination, persistence and hard work, anything can be achieved, but one key ingredient in life that is so easily forgotten, especially in dealing with others, is compassion, for until he extends his circle of compassion towards all human things, man himself will find no peace.  It's a necessity, not a luxury, and mankind cannot survive without it.  This completely encompasses my relationship with my best friend, Robin.  To say that it's been a complicated road is putting it lightly.  Sometimes she is like a friend, sometimes a sister I never had... and sometimes a mother, but we've never been able to pin it down.  A devout Christian and Republican, it goes against all I hold 'sacred'.  I think it is Shakespeare's most famous tragedy (Romeo and Juliet) of angst in the coupling of two people unlikely to form a bond that best represents the situation, but a famous line in the play best describes it;  "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet"... meaning that it doesn't matter what we call it or try to label it, it is genuine and true and will outlast.  And like the rose itself, symbolizing beauty and gratitude, it's thorns remind us that there could be pain in sharp disagreements and, spiritually, it represents a sacrifice; a loss of something you give up for the sake of a greater cause... in this case, working through our differences for the sake of our friendship.

One of the best things about our friendship is that, despite those differences, we are able to grow both individually and together.  We've been able to expose each other to things we've never experienced before to expand our horizons and be better people.  One of the hardest things for me to overcome is our different views on our beliefs in religion.  An Atheist, it has been difficult for me to support my friend in something that she believes in so strongly, that my disbelief in is two-fold.  I am hardwired for anger and frustration since viewing a lifetime of the Church's non-acceptance, if not hatred, for gays and, being a logical person, I need proof, of which there isn't any, to believe.  The idea of 'faith' isn't one that I can wrap my head around because I need to see it.  Show me, don't tell me, has always been my mantra, and the majority of time, all I see is hypocrisy in the whole religious process.  But during the processing of our friendship, I have been able to put some things into perspective and realize that we all want and practice the same thing. Every major religion, as well as the way any human being should conduct themselves, is anchored in love, compassion and forgiveness.  It all comes down to if you want to open your heart and mind to these practices and how devoted you are to the cause.  It's how much you walk the walk and talk the talk.

Symbolism is all around us in all cultures.  Recently, Robin gave me a tied bunch of sage that I was to light and walk around my house to cleanse and purify the air of negativity and bad spirits, as practiced by the Native Americans.  In the Catholic religion, the burning of incense is a sign of reverence and dedication.  Praying the rosary symbolizes your act of devotion, practice and structure, as you make time every day to keep what you believe and are dedicated to in-hand, literally, thumbing your way through the chain of beads, reciting your prayers and keeping those things and people important to you present in your day.  Again, anything worth having takes effort.

A few weeks ago, I decided that I was going to hand-make her a rosary for her birthday.  Like so many times in the past when sorting through my ideals regarding religion, I had to process what exactly this meant.  I mean, it's kind of odd that an Atheist would make a religious symbol for someone and I wanted it to be something more special than just a bunch of pretty beads which, at first, was all it was to me, being a gay who likes sparkly things. So after I did some research into the meaning of the rosary, I took into consideration what she wanted and her personality and mine (I added a bit of fabulous and bling to it) and, with the help of my friend, Vernon (who taught me the jewelry techniques and helped me pick out the beads), I started banging it out.  I chose a simple cross and beads that matched the Our Lady of Lourdes (her parish) medallion that connected it.  About 12 hours later, with fingers raw from twisting the wire around the beads, a technique that makes it stronger so it doesn't fall apart, it was finished and I presented it to her (shown in the picture wrapped around a bundle of sage (cleansing of my negativity)).

After the fact, I learned that the cross that I chose wasn't of a Catholic manner but, rather, more Protestant (her former religion before converting to Catholicism).  Inadvertently,  my choosing brought her journey in religion together in one symbol, linked with my beliefs (or non, as the case may be) as the person who crafted it, in one big, accidental ecumenical offering (an interdenominational initiative aimed at establishing and promoting unity among churches and religions). This was the dual meaning that I was hoping to be able to put into the whole gesture, escalating it from a bunch of beads made by an Atheist to a symbol of unity of ideals, remembering that we all want the same things. A rosary by any other name smells as sweet.

A bit of her, a bit of me... some compassion, sacrifice, belief, tradition, meaning, dedication and a splash of fabulous and her birthday gift was made... as well as our friendship over time... from the same ingredients.  Both gifts to cherish, always.