You Say You Want a Resolution... Well, You Know...

As we raise our glasses for a midnight toast... it's also time to turn a new page in our lives as we turn a new year... and to jump on the bandwagon and head to the gym... or quit smoking or stop eating so much or get out of debt... for a few weeks, at least.  Studies show that over 50% of us make resolutions and while the first couple weeks go great, by February, we lose traction, if not go backwards.  Resolutions are a form of cultural procrastination... an effort to reinvent oneself, but researchers argue that people are not ready to let go of their bad habits.  This false hope syndrome reflects itself in resolutions being significantly unrealistic and goals are unattainable, which results in failure.  When you make positive affirmations about yourself that you don't really believe, the positive affirmations not only don't work, they can be damaging to your self-worth.  The other aspect of failed resolutions lies in the cause and effect relationship. You may think that if you lose weight, or reduce your debts, or exercise more, your entire life will change, and when it doesn't, you may get discouraged and then you revert back to old behaviors.  Making resolutions work involves changing behaviors which involves changing the way you think.  Habitual behavior is created by thinking patterns that create neural pathways and memories, which become the default basis for your behavior when you're faced with a choice or decision. Trying to change that default thinking by "not trying to do it," in effect just strengthens it. Change requires creating new neural pathways from new thinking.

Along those lines, I suggested to a few of my friends who suffered a loss of a loved one to try to create new memories to replace milestones that brought them sadness.  Instead of marking the time of day that you received bad news, make a new tradition at that time to celebrate the person's life and change that behavior into a happier time.  Easier said than done, I know, but I'm sure the loved one would have wanted it that way.  This past Christmas Eve, a hard time for me (having lost several relatives in the month of December) and my friend (who lost her daughter), we started a new tradition of releasing balloons with LED lights in them as a symbolic way to send our love or a message to a loved one... as well as send a wish out.  In the past, I've had Winter Solstice parties where you write down on paper a bad habit or behavior you wanted to get rid of and we placed them in a bowl and burned them as a symbolic gesture of letting go of it.  Replacing a cut-down Christmas tree with a live tree that you plant in a grove in your back yard makes memories and changes that, less ecological, behavior.  Or take a mason jar and every time something good happens throughout the year, write it down and put it in the jar and review your year of good things on New Year's Eve.  Sometimes, it's easy to forget the good things.

The tradition of the New Year's Resolutions goes all the way back to 153 B.C.  Janus, a mythical king of early Rome was placed at the head of the calendar. With two faces, Janus could look back on past events and forward to the future, hopefully righting your wrongs. Janus became the ancient symbol for resolutions and many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies and also exchanged gifts before the beginning of each year.  A somewhat tradition in the U.S. has us dressed up in masks seeking a kiss at the stroke of midnight, symbolizing the evil of the mask being purified by the kiss.  Another theory is that whatever you're doing when the new year arrives, is what you'll be doing the rest of the year, so if you're sleeping, it's supposed to mean a lazy year... or working, or partying... you get the picture.

Having said that, if you feel compelled to make New Year's resolutions, here's some tips to help you make them work:

1. Focus on one resolution, rather several and set realistic, specific goals. Losing weight is not a specific goal. Losing 10 pounds in 90 days would be;
2. Don't wait till New Year's eve to make resolutions. Make it a year long process, every day;
3. Take small steps. Many people quit because the goal is too big requiring too much effort and action all at once;
4. Have an accountability buddy, someone close to you to whom you have to report;              
5. Celebrate your success between milestones. Don't wait the goal to be finally completed;
6. Focus your thinking on new behaviors and thought patterns. You have to create new neural pathways in your brain to change habits;
7. Focus on the present. What's the one thing you can do today, right now, towards your goal?
8. Be mindful. Become physically, emotionally and mentally aware of your inner state as each external event happens, moment-by-moment, rather than living in the past or future.

Happy new year... best of luck, health and happiness in the coming year, and always!!