I've been posting some fluff stuff lately... for one reason or another, it's been hard to actually sit down and write something... but not because I've been unmotivated. I actually have too much to say currently and no time to say it. After much though about my lagging, I can blame some of it on the nerve medicine that I am on for my foot (result of my back issues from December/accident in September). Confusion, tiredness, weight gain, lack of focus and memory loss are all side effects... not that I didn't have any or all of that before I started taking them. I guess it doesn't help that, with the start of my season, I moved and spread 24 tons of mulch last Thursday and Friday... and there's 50 more tons of it to go until I'm out of the woods. Medication, heavy work week... starting back on a good eating habit last week and my energy is low... all good reasons for the way I'm feeling... but let's call a spade a spade... the fact of the matter is that I'm turning 45 in a month. Ugh.
I've been lucky that gravity and the ravaging affects of aging, through the miracle of moisturizing, have been slow to tear my body apart, inch by inch. Sure, I have a few lines... and a lot of gray hairs (which are starting to fall out)... and my butt is heading south while my belly is heading in any direction I'm headed about a half a foot in front of me, but for the most part, I've been successful in hiding it. A properly placed hat, the avoidance of tight clothing, the occasional dye job... all have helped me look like I'm 28 for the 17th year in a row. And while I can hide it from everyone else... I can't hide it from myself. It makes you insecure and inward, hoping that people don't find out.
There's definitely a such thing as a mid-life crisis, although it's kind of hard to guage since you don't know when you're going to die. If my time to go is when I'm 46, then I should have been having my MLC when I was 23. That brings me to the addage "wish I knew then what I know now"... and that I almost wish I had my MLC back then. I feel like I wouldn't have wasted so much of my life going in the wrong direction. I could have set my course differently or used my knowledge in another way. I don't regret any of the decisions I've made over time... I'm glad I did everything as I did, but I wouldn't have spent so much time walking around clueless. I think that's why I feel like when I meet a guy in his twenties, I'm attracted to the chance that they have... and my role is to point them in the right direction... to save them the hassles that I went through. Knowing full well that isn't healthy, I do feel like I want to pass some knowledge on. Almost makes me want to have a child... and not for my normal reasons of someone in the world to make my tennis shoes and/or cut my grass or give me a tax credit... for the opportunity to pass something along. I feel like I'm starting my life, armed with knowledge this time.
I've been posting some fluff stuff lately... for one reason or another, it's been hard to actually sit down and write something... but not because I've been unmotivated. I actually have too much to say currently and no time to say it. After much though about my lagging, I can blame some of it on the nerve medicine that I am on for my foot (result of my back issues from December/accident in September). Confusion, tiredness, weight gain, lack of focus and memory loss are all side effects... not that I didn't have any or all of that before I started taking them. I guess it doesn't help that, with the start of my season, I moved and spread 24 tons of mulch last Thursday and Friday... and there's 50 more tons of it to go until I'm out of the woods. Medication, heavy work week... starting back on a good eating habit last week and my energy is low... all good reasons for the way I'm feeling... but let's call a spade a spade... the fact of the matter is that I'm turning 45 in a month. Ugh.
I've been lucky that gravity and the ravaging affects of aging, through the miracle of moisturizing, have been slow to tear my body apart, inch by inch. Sure, I have a few lines... and a lot of gray hairs (which are starting to fall out)... and my butt is heading south while my belly is heading in any direction I'm headed about a half a foot in front of me, but for the most part, I've been successful in hiding it. A properly placed hat, the avoidance of tight clothing, the occasional dye job... all have helped me look like I'm 28 for the 17th year in a row. And while I can hide it from everyone else... I can't hide it from myself. It makes you insecure and inward, hoping that people don't find out.
There's definitely a such thing as a mid-life crisis, although it's kind of hard to guage since you don't know when you're going to die. If my time to go is when I'm 46, then I should have been having my MLC when I was 23. That brings me to the addage "wish I knew then what I know now"... and that I almost wish I had my MLC back then. I feel like I wouldn't have wasted so much of my life going in the wrong direction. I could have set my course differently or used my knowledge in another way. I don't regret any of the decisions I've made over time... I'm glad I did everything as I did, but I wouldn't have spent so much time walking around clueless. I think that's why I feel like when I meet a guy in his twenties, I'm attracted to the chance that they have... and my role is to point them in the right direction... to save them the hassles that I went through. Knowing full well that isn't healthy, I do feel like I want to pass some knowledge on. Almost makes me want to have a child... and not for my normal reasons of someone in the world to make my tennis shoes and/or cut my grass or give me a tax credit... for the opportunity to pass something along. I feel like I'm starting my life, armed with knowledge this time.
the main point of a midlife crisis is to start looking inward at grow in consciousness. The body seems to fall a part soley so you will work on your mind. Good luck in your Journey.
ReplyDeleteGoing to be a sexy 45. And what makes D@vid sexy is: Hardworking,Honorable,Healthy and Wise.!
ReplyDeleteI think I've been in a "crisis mode" all my life! The big existential crisis thing... :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm almost sure in ten years from now, we're gonna wish we'd known at 45 what we know now at 55, like not making such a big deal about aging and stuff! LOL!
And as for the kids, well, they're not gonna listen anymore than we did when we were 25. All I can do is tell them my story, and after that it's up to them to do whatever they want with their lives even if I don't agree with them. It's up to me not to let myself be dragged into their drama (Somthing I learned the hard way!).
I just let them know that I'm always there for them if they ever need someone to talk to without me trying to make them change their mind or patronising them.
It's good that they make their own mistakes. I've learned a lot from my own. It's good for them to fall flat on their back and learn how to get back up on their own and move on. My role is to encourage them and do everything I can so they believe in themselves, become their own father, their own mother, their own teacher.
I was fortunate enough to have such a man in my life!
Yes! I also feel I've wasted a lot of time. But today, I'm tryin to understand that what is important is right here and right now. I have to do everything not to waste time anymore!
Hugs
Jon