Road Work: Twenty-Somethings

It's been said many times of me in the past that I expect too much from people... that expecting people to treat me with respect or concern or empathy or sympathy or have an interest in my life is asking too much. And while I can completely understand the saying 'you reap what you sow', meaning if you act like an ass then you can't expect people to treat you any differently... this is hardly the case. What I expect are basic human interactions, decency and responses, after all... aren't they taught by both our loving parents? Ah... maybe therein lies the problem.

I still have friendships that I made back when I was a kid... my oldest being 36 years. Forging that bond, finding common interests, sharing thoughts and feelings, maintaining through life's ups and downs, geographic, logistical and economic influences... jealousy, greed, and a bunch of other things all add to the difficulties of keeping a relationship going for a few months, let alone 36 years... and I have many more of these types of enduring friendships, so I know that I must not be that unreasonable to have success with relationships with so many people.

I had the majority of my love interest relationships from 21 - 38 years of age. My first boyfriends were in their mid forties when I was in my early twenties. Then it was plus or minus a few years difference in my thirties... and, now... the guys that seek me out are in their twenties, for whatever reason, not to be pondered in this post.

I've made several friends over the last couple of months and have invested a lot of time, money, concern and energy into cultivating those friendships. Without going into each individual situation, they can mostly be summed up as guys in their early twenties to early thirties... some were friendships and some love interests. While each is a different set of circumstances, there are enough of them to make an across-the-board judgement that most people of this age bracket are lacking the traits needed to give a shit about anyone but themselves. Blame it on both parents working and not being around... or having been given everything out of guilt... or that they're so precious and special that this made them selfish or elitists... or just too many video games and not enough human interaction. Whatever the case, they are vapid, shallow and selfish. What's sad, is it's the kind that they don't even have a clue... that there's no other option or way of life. and they look at you like you're the busted one. This is much like when a crazy person doesn't know that they're crazy... that's when you know they are really crazy.

With no interests beyond Lady GaGa, getting drunk and getting drunk to Lady GaGa songs and then quoting her lyrics in place of any of their own original thoughts or feelings, you quickly tire of being around them because they have nothing to offer. But being the type of person that I am, I feel sorry and continue to pour time and energy and money into these people thinking that they are on the verge of growing up, but they're not.  What's worse is that, when you need them, they are nowhere to be found.  When I had three funerals in a 15 day period earlier this year, I asked one of them to meet me for coffee, just to not be alone.  His response:  "I don't feel like getting off the couch"... this after I provided support for 5 months for a myriad of his problems.  It's like it doesn't even cross their mind to give any concern beyond themselves... and they just continue to take and take and soak up every bit of anything you give them.  The funny part is that they don't see themselves as needy or emotionally underdeveloped, since that couldn't even be a possibility... and so introspective inward inspection is never a consideration since they don't know any better having nothing to compare.  As a result, their interactions with others is twarted.  Drinking with your buddies every night does not constitute a friendship... you actually have to be present... and being sober helps.

We were raised to think about our fellow man and, as a result, I continue to have much angst over these situations that don't deserve any of my attention whatsoever.  It's a personal struggle of mine to just forget about these people... or pull back... it's just not in my make-up.  I was very fortunate to have parents who taught me right from wrong... to not be selfish... to think about other people... and had older friends along the way to teach me as well.  I think I feel a responsibility of some sort as a payback for people who helped me along the way.

I feel sorry for these 'kids'... and I say that because that's where they are in their development... and that's why it's hard for me to walk away.. I feel sorry for them.  Having spoken to many mutual friends who feel the same way and see it exactly as I do, I know it's not me.  I get far into it then feel overexposed... then pull down my blog or my Facebook page as a way of control.  When I did this the other day, I had one friend from high school notice and another from another country... but none of these takers.  So rather than pull away entirely, I will just have to pull myself away.  For my own preservation, I must just move on, and that's what I'm doing.